Not being an expert on your special interest

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For me, the need to be an expert stems from my need to know every little bit of information. "Ego" only comes into play when somebody "challenges" me that they know more than I do about one of my strongest special interests. But ego has nothing to do with why I need to become an expert on a specific special interest in the first place. That stems from an obsessive-compulsive need to have all of my questions answered and not have any ambiguity. I desire this in all aspects of life, but when it comes to my special interest, I can actually DO it. I have spent many an hour mulling over very insignificant details pertaining to my most intense special interests, trying to find the answer to an unknown question most people don't even think twice about considering.

There's always someone better than you at something. Don't feel bad if someone is better than you.

While my interests may still be considered on the restricted side, I very rarely dive in to the point where I would consider myself an expert in anything. Jack of all trades, and master of none fits me pretty well.

I've felt this too.

I think it stems from the fact that we have random obsessions in lieu of a social life. When we meet someone who is better at our random obsessions AND has a social life, we feel inadequate in comparison.

Personal example: nearly every member of my family is a gifted musician. My brother and father both rock out on guitar. My half brother is an excellent drummer. My mom used to play piano semi-professionally. I definitely have musical talent, but I couldn't make up my mind on which instrument I wanted to play. Over the years I tried trumpet, piano, bass guitar, regular guitar, and now I find myself back on the piano... but I don't feel like I'm at the level that I should be. Especially not in comparison to how skilled the rest of my family is.

Over the years my specialist interests have ranged from cars, to the weather, to politics.

However in all of those interests and others I have found to some extent at least that I relate to my subject in a very different ways to most people, perhaps to the point of being more concerned about the little details of the interest than in the broader interest itself. For example, when I was very interested in cars back in the '90's, I was always concerned about which cars had electric rear windows, whether as a standard feature or an optional extra, and could recite large chunks of specifications for certain cars on the market. I even wrote to Vauxhall when I was 12 to ask them about some inconsistancies in their promotional materials. The point is, my knowledge was so specialised in a way that there was no-one who could relate to my interests, even though plenty of other people would be interested in cars. The same things have applied to other interests.

Tolkien is my main interest. I accept that I don't have all-encompassing, encyclopedic knowledge, but I do generally know more than most. I was at a restaurant the other day that had one of those walls you can write on. I wrote a short message in Quenya using Tengwar. I doubt anyone passing through could read it.