Do Female Aspies Have A Dating Advantage?

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I have never been "approached" like you describe it. Never. And I'm a pretty girl.

I think a lot of men overestimate how "easy" women have it in relationships/dating.

Are you calling me a liar?



Uh, no, I didn't. I don't know where you're getting this from. I struggle to have a 5-minute conversation, actually.

I'm not sure how all the other poor-me stuff is relevant to how often I get approached.

Many men will stick their dick in anything. Finding someone to f**k is not the same thing as finding a relationship. I think people (usually men) get confused over this difference. I don't see how women with ASD would have any easier time with relationships when the social dysfunction is the same in both sexes.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Women in our sexist society aren't typically expected to do the approaching, which, assuming social anxiety, is an advantage to women. On the other hand, traditional aspie traits like coldness, lack of emotion, and nerdy special interests, as well as bad social skills, are more widely acceptable in men than they are in women. Lots of NT men have these traits to varying degrees. Aspie girls, on the whole, also try harder (and smarter) to develop good social skills, which is documented in studies; this has to count for something.

I think, as a result, aspie girls may have an easier time getting a piece of ass than equally good-looking aspie guys, but may have a harder time getting into a decent relationship. While they face worse disadvantages, they do a better job overcoming them, so I think dating ends up being an equal challenge for both sexes, for the most part.

Ummm....I guess if you consider being taken advantage of an advantage...I am not even fully on the spectrum and I have been taken advantage of by more than one misogynistic pig who I could not see for who he was.

Your logic is flawed. You state that women are more likely to get laid than men but more unlikely to get into good relationships and thereby it makes it more difficult for them but they simply do a better job of overcoming it (this is uneven); in retrospect aspie men are simply shot down on the cold approaches right away; we don't get laid; hell we get nothing except we probably boosted girls self esteem as we lower our own. Women are more open to each other and develop social bonds more easily that men. You have some unbalanced logic.






No, I'm not calling you a liar; its just surprising. Considering the insane number of girls I have approached I just felt that it would be at-least somewhat balanced. Rejection for guys is really rough.



Ok, fair enough; but the guy will generally do most of the talking as we are expected to lead the entire interaction right back to the bedroom as the girl naively (note the sarcasm) has no idea what's happening. Right......



It's relevant because even if you have been approached only a few times, you have still had far better results that most Aspie guys who can't approach at all and even Aspie guys like me that often get called handsome, work out; have a decent body and still get absolutely nothing. Not playing a victim; looking at the girlfriend/boyfriend threadthread and notice that the vast majority of those that have been in relationships or are currently in relationships are girls. Many of the guys on here are virgins well into their late 20's and 30's.

Last edited by mrL on 14 Feb 2013, 10:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Why are you demanding evidence when you've provided none yourself? You are making fantastic claims without providing sufficient evidence.


Forgive me for not being sympathetic.

(btw, bang-up job dismissing the experiences of multiple autistic females so you can continue to play the victim)

These threads always kind of amuse me. Problems with having a relationships (or indeed, wanting one) are so far off my radar. My other difficulties tend to eclipse this particular concern.

I've never done cold approaches on women. This approach doesn't even work for most NT guys.

Getting laid = / being in a stable relationship. It's easy for any hot girl to get laid but not easy for anyone with autistic traits (male or female) to be in a real relationship.

It's pretty easy for most people to get laid; it's just about how low you're willing to lower your standards.

No, its not dismissing, it simply that socially guys are always at a disadvantage when approaching a woman. I understand that female aspies have their own plight however this issue goes much further. Eventually many Aspie girls at-least have the option to establish a relationship, many aspie guys do not.




It's pretty easy for most people to get laid; it's just about how low you're willing to lower your standards.[/quote]

When you have no friends or social circles cold approaches are your only option.

Yes hot girls get laid easily; hot guys nope. Remember the girl chooses who she sleeps with.

Yes guys must sink pretty low though.

Last edited by mrL on 14 Feb 2013, 10:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Your "many" and "many" statements could be true, and your point still wouldn't follow logically. FYI, I met an aspie girl tonight at a Spectrum event who was creepy as f**k. She literally looked demon-possessed. So I doubt all aspie females have the option of establishing any relationship, much less a good one.

As a whole, women do better at learning things like reciprocal communication. But this is the case among NT's as well. It doesn't create a uniform dating advantage or disadvantage for either gender.

fare enough but like you said, "women do better at learning things like reciprocal communication."; for this reason and the difference that men must be the ones to approach while women sit and decide who they like and who they don't, we as guys still have the disadvantage. I am not disregarding you assertion about aspie females. Ironically some guy out there is still likely to put up with her but for guys you either have to have great interpersonal skills or be a jerk.

They frustrate me, but I can understand why they amuse you if its because of being so far off your radar.

Relationship problems do matter to me, but the fact that they're the focus to so many people bothers me a lot, and the fact that they're treated as central or most important seems so irrational.

Anyways:

1. No relationship is better than an abusive relationship. It is better to be rejected than abused.

1.5 Autistic females are prone to being in abusive relationships.

2. I'll echo what others said, I don't even recognize flirting. I can't flirt. This bothers my boyfriend 'cause he misses it. I've had someone explicitly ask me out and me go about with him following me around for a week acting like nothing had happened because I hadn't noticed. (I mean, my boyfriend and I even had someone else start using those labels for us)

3. To add to your numbers. I'm 23. I've been approached 3ish times (that I know of). One of these 3 people probably is diagnosable with NPD and was trying to manipulate everything in my life to be around him at the time. One of those was a more normal approach. One of those was more like "friend not hiding interest" not actually an approach at all.

4. To suggest that a female should not be allowed to reject people because it hurts the ego of the males is incredibly misogynistic. The point of relationships is not to have the male asking a female out to get whatever he wants. The point of relationships is to get what is best for all involved.

5. Not all people are heterosexual anyways.

This assumes that all women are widely desirable while only some men are widely desirable. This is not true. There are quite a lot of widely undesirable women who can't do better than a widely undesirable man.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 15 Feb 2013, 7:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

What about the type of people we attract?

I've only been aproached twice so I can't say there's a trend yet but the first guy was a teen stoner who didn't seem too bright and the second wan was over 3 times my age.

I bet you would want a 50 year old person hiting on you wouldn't you?

I'm not saying that every girl has to say yes. Imagine yourself in a guys shoes; educated, employed but never able to establish relationships with the sex you are interested in, then imagine trying and being rejected virtually every time, as an as pie you already feel weird but with every rejection you now know its true. I can see things from your perspective; can you see them from mine?

I can appreciate this; to be honest though women are different; they are attracted to status; behavior is an indicator of status so I can't judge on this. I would likely not be attracted to a 50 year old though. Indeed I would run for my life if I met a stoner but I once got shot down by a girl living in a homeless shelter so yea trust me I've been around the block.

Last edited by mrL on 14 Feb 2013, 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.