argument with my coworker (over my lack of talking)

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Rubbish (and who's angry?). It's very logical actually. Assuming things based on what you perceive of someone is not logical. If someone is quiet it's their business why they are quiet, and I would not try to force them to socialise. If they gave some clue, like a smile or something then it might show that although they are quiet they are just a bit shy and are open to you approaching them. You're just going to the extremes with your examples now just to be argumentative and oppositional, to apparently force your own opinion on others.

I did not advocate "flipping out" at all, even if that is what OP did. I just stated my views on the colleague's assumptions.

And you are very lucky if you have got to whatever stage you are in your life, as a person with AS, not having endured the negative assumptions and judgements (and even punishments) many NTs make about someone with typical Aspie behaviour, you may live to experience it yet.

And if you can't see that people that judge someone for being quiet are being insensitive based on what I said then there's no point in discussing this any further.

Last edited by whirlingmind on 18 Feb 2013, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This happens to introverted NT's all the time. A lot of extroverted people can't fathom not talking when there is nothing to say. It literally boggles their mind. "Not talking? Does... not... compute. Blue screen of death. Blue screen of death. Windows shutting down."

Every place I worked I got the same "You don't talk much" "Were you always this way?" I did not want to talk to people I was to busy with my thoughts and I hated when my thought stream was interrupted also it was physically difficult to talk and took to much energy.

So I don't know...Now I have the problem of people telling me "Be happy! you look so serious all the time!" I explained to someone that I had trouble expressing emotion through the face and that it was physically difficult....also said I was always like this... but I did not disclose my diagnosis...

Funny, I've been told off FOR talking! I don't talk a lot, and people can tell I'm a quiet person, but I'm not quiet enough to be asked why I don't talk, so I must be a little more verbal than what I think I am. There are some people at work that are as bad as me, they sit in an awkward silence when they're alone with me. But I just started saying hello or goodbye to them and they started engaging in small talk with me after that.

But talking can be hard, I know. If they're the sort of just yak on to anybody about anything then I do find it easier because then I don't have to think of things to say, and I find I'm becoming friends with them without having to do much.

Something I've dealt with for most of my life. NTs always think that your deliberately not talking to them. I dont chose to be this way, I just am. Then when NTs find out I am socially awkward, they think "oh we can fix that", they try, get mad cause they think Im just being stubborn and not cooperating with them. Goes back to what your doing is deliberate, great. Then in responce I whine and start monologuing off with this jumbled up anxiety trying to get it across to them that they dont understand. I've gotten this from my mom for the last umm 6 years?

Just getting assaulted that way would make me very annoyed. First thing I hear is that? Yeah, I’d have reacted the same way. In fact I’d be annoyed no matter when it was asked. I’ve had that question asked my entire life. I’m very quiet. I’m not shy, I just don’t have anything to say and no need to fill the delicious silence. Not only don’t I have similar interest to my ‘peers’, but even if we have things in common I still have nothing much to say about it.


Been there, done that. Heard all my life, never been a talker, been told it’s easy to forget that I’m there because I’m so quiet, had the nurse who looked after my grandmother ask if I was ret*d since I was so quiet (what a relief to know they’re so knowledgeable, /sarcasm end)


Of course people saying such things are annoying. It's such a huge "oh gad, not this again!" I can’t imagine anything less imposing than people being quiet. If they can’t deal with that, then that’s their problem. No one has any right to demand conversation (or even friendliness) from someone. It’s rude to impose, it’s not rude to keep to yourself.
How would she have reacted if you had entered the building and said: “Hi. How come you always talk so much?”


I never greet anyone unless they greet me first (unless they’re someone I give the silent treatment, then I say nothing even after they say hi).


Allegedly some see it as being hostile :rolleyes: or arrogant, or shy, or weird (or so I’ve read here and there). That’s their problem.



I never greet any bus drivers unless they say hi first; most of them don’t.



My patience with people tend to start at zero and then drop towards absolute zero.


That’s what I’d do too. There are some people I don’t return greeting with anymore.


Nothing wrong with that, period. Don’t be sexist. Not all females yap their heads off.


No.


It’s not a flaw. Some people are very quiet, some talk nonstop, most are somewhere in between.


Because only 25-30% are introverts, and the rest if the population couldn’t be quiet to save their lives.

I'm one of the quite loners in my workplace but I still make an effort to aknowledge people (either through a smile and a nod or a simple "hi, how are you") when I walk past them. I find it stupid too but archaic social curtesy is part of working in a professional environment. The woman's question was obnoxious but reacting with hostility wasn't good either.

I made once a good example, to a parent who wanted to understand his kid.

For me talking is like writing to others. Writing isnt killing anyone, and if you write two sentences you dont feel tired because of that. We all write from now and then. There are people who like to write more often, and some dont like it that much, but we all know that being able to write is very important because if helps us communicate, it tells us how to use machines... So writing is not bad, NTs normally agree with that.

Now people should imagine they couldnt talk themself, but everyone else can. So its not critical because instead you get a little Post it Block and a Pencil, so you can communicate with others, and the others also know about you being able to answer them with Post its. There is only one thing. You are not allowed to use a Post it two times. So every "Hallo" has to be written on its own.

So you enter your company in the morning. You are thinking about what you want to do today, and in what order and so on, still havent put off your jacket and so on, while the entrance secretary already gives you an Hello. So you are forced to stop what you are doing, instead you stand still, wirte an Hello on your Post it, and give it to the secretary. While going into your office you have to stop 4 times more, to write things like "No, didnt see television yesterday." "Hello." "Morning"... until you made it into your office. You start to work and need to copy something, again you have to write 5 Post its, without any deeper meaning, on the way to the copy machine. You need a number from the other office, so you memorize what you were already doing and planning, try to get to the other office and are interrupted by a working collegue that start to tells you about his holiday. You have to write 15 short Post its like "Oh really?" "And, what did you see?" ... and sooner or later you forget a part of the work memorized. So you have to memorize it again....

The thing is: So writing is only a few more complicating then talking to others. But none the less, people normally start to become more careful about starting communications. Because they dont want to interfere every some minutes what they are doing, to think about writing something without information. Its not about hating people. But its the writing that sooner or later start to sucks. If you would be at least allowed to show the "Hello" Post it over and over again. But no, you have to write it every time again, 150 times a day or so. And about 100 times a day that you agree with the weather. And about 100 times, that everythings fine.

And thats just me: So I understand that this "Hello" means "I accept and care for you, and I want you to remind you, that I see you as a part of my clan I appreciate." and thats why you tell this 150 times a day. But as it would be easier to show the same "Hello" Post it over and over again, so it would be easier for me if I was allowed at least to wave my hand, instead of being forced to talked.

So normal NTs who would be forced to use post its, instead of talking, would become more careful for their "conversations" as well. Instead of easily talking about the weather they feel forced to think about, if they really want to do all that posting, only to write with someone out of fun.

Talking for NTs is so easy, that they dont understand that there are people that have to decide between the misadvantage of talking and the advantage of receiving benefits, because of talking.

The thing is: If NTs were forced to write, they understand. So writing is not terrible, its not so complicated that you have to be a genius to manage it... but still normal NTs would start to think if they would like to spend ten minutes writing only, to receive some informations about an usual holiday trip.

I truly hate being asked why I'm so quiet. Part of it is that I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say beyond "I just am."

Another one I hate hearing is "You should talk more!". Talk about what!?
I guess most people don't understand that it's not as simple as that. It's not easy for me to talk to people unless the conversation is about a specific subject.

Small talk is stupid.

Easily fixable, just say:

"Dude, i'm an Aspie"

[quote="jetbuilder"Another one I hate hearing is "You should talk more!". Talk about what!? ... It's not easy for me to talk to people unless the conversation is about a specific subject.[/quote]

I agree. But if you want to be really mean, you can start an endless lecture on your favourite topic. This will probably make them beg you to be quiet