Peoples reactions to your quirks

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I'm incapable of feeling embarrassed. Occasionally I feel scared by other people reacting to my quirks, but usually I find it amusing. I often like to ask my parents 'is that weird, to do x?' and if they say yes I'm happy.

I don't have any major quirks that people mention to my face. I have a few minor ones that people do sometimes talk about behind my back. Those ones fall into the 'don't give a ****' category. I do sometimes get some joking comments from a friend about my tendency to be a hermit and my ability to get lost anywhere but those I laugh at.

I'm not going to lie. I find it embarrassing. I'm not some schizoid who doesn't give a damn.

I wish I was incapable of feeling embarrassed. I've been working on it for years and I'm far less anxious than I used to be (and knowing I'm autistic helps me to forgive myself when I do something others consider odd or stupid). But I used to be completely immobilised by the cruel reactions of other people to my awkwardness and weirdness, especially in high school, and became so socially anxious that I shut myself off from people for my entire adult life.

I understand the thing about females being more unforgiving to other females, I experienced that too. I grew up female and was mocked and bullied ruthlessly by groups of girls in high school. It was unusual for boys to do it unless they were showing off (usually in front of girls). I do think it's harder in some ways to be female and socially clueless since women in general are so socially and emotionally savvy, far more so than men. To NT women, a woman who is poor at understanding social rules and cues stands out like a sore thumb, whereas most NT men are less likely to be as focused on that aspect.

I tend to feel embarrassed and ashamed!

I'm acutely aware of peoples' reactions to my difference, to the extent I can see the exact moment they have the 'she's different' thought in their head, by the way their expression changes

I can't stand to be around people generally as a result of this hyper-awareness; it means I can rarely ever relax in public

I've been with other people with Aspergers and can see that they are utterly oblivious to the reactions of the people around them
and I'm really envious of them

Then I will get people say things like, 'Well, I'd never have guessed!" if I say I'm autistic and I think "FFS! what a load of rubbish!"