Scared of raising my son

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Sure, it would have been nice if some things were easier. And there are things I feel it is important to speak out against, like bullying. But just the other day, I was wondering, if I'd been given the choice, what I'd say - and I would still want to be AS rather than "normal". It has its rewards.

Yes, we have great advantages to make us happy: special, deep, intensely-rewarding interests, which are often free of charge or dirt cheap, such as imagining things. Pleasure that is not derived from money, status, fame, popularity, but that derives from our innermost, therefore it's independent of the whims of others (this is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness for NTs).

About good parenting for an aspie child, here's the DO and DON'T, see if you can spot which is which.

All the family is gathered around the birthday cake, parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, everyone eager to get a slice. Mother tells aspie daughter with fine motor skills limitations to cut the first piece (which is always hard for an adult without motor skills issues, even). Daughter takes a long time and makes a mess of it.

Mother: "Sorry everyone, this one has 2 left hands."
or
Mother: "Here, let me help with that tough first piece." Then another day: "How about we bake a cake together and then have fun practising how to cut it in slices and serve it?"

If you can answer which is the DO and which is the DON'T in this example, your son will never be unhappy, and for God's sake, certainly not the unhappiest in the world ! !!

It's not hopeless; in fact, with all the research and awareness of autism these days, his experience might be quite positive.


Are you reading stuff in the Haven? People go there so they can express their worst feelings. I've posted some sad stuff there, but it is not who I am. People with ASD have ups and downs like everyone else.


Are you thinking of giving him up for adoption? I wouldn't do this because of ASD; it's not the end of the world. Auties have friends, relationships and family. They just express their love and companionship differently.

It will be okay. His early diagnosis is great! He won't have to go through that "trying to pass" thing that has scarred a lot of us.

I'm sorry to be so direct, but if you're looking for a reason to stay with him, will "He's your son" do?

If you want your son to be happy, just like an NT child, support him and give him all of the love he deserves. That's all there is to it. Things may not be exactly like you picture, but if you try to force him to fit your image of happiness, it will have the opposite effect. I learned that the hard way. He'll have his own interests, he may not be as expressive and "loving" as you might want him to be towards you, but he will find something that makes him happy. If you support him in that, whatever it is, then you'll be a great mom to him.

As far as relationships, friends, family... well, family is there already, it sounds like. I've got mild AS myself, and while I never had many friends growing up, in my adulthood, I've found many, to the point that friends feel more like an inconvenience sometimes. And as far as relationships, every one of us are different, but I can tell you they aren't necessary to be happy. I consider myself to be generally fairly happy, or at least content, and I've never so much as kissed a girl, and I'm nearly 30. I've had many opportunities (Something about a quiet, calm, collected, and formal guy girls seem to like) but if friendship is overwhelming, then what'll a relationship be like? Being alone keeps me happy. Depending on your son, he might go that route, or he might like having relationships. My point is, as an aspie, your son is functional and more than capable of figuring out what makes him happy.