Is anyone else not proud of who they are?

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Well, I was low-functioning autistic as a child and am not smart by any means (struggle with timed tests and visual processing speed), never in a gifted program, yet I think I have higher social intelligence than other autistic people with much higher IQ's. I can work a variety of jobs, take care of myself, and live in dangerous third-world countries without getting conned, though generally, my social skills are horrible.

I think it's a completely different kind of intelligence. IQ only affects social intelligence to a point (usually peaks around 110 IQ); from then on, IQ has no effect or, beyond 140, a negative effect on social functioning.

I get so irritated with people who say they are proud of being on the spectrum. I think it's easier to be happy with your condition if:-

-You don't have too much self-awareness
-You are not connected to how other people think and feel, therefore less sensitive to embarrassment or shame when you do a social faux pas, you can just overcome it
-You don't have a natural desire built in you to want friends and social interaction
-Loneliness and isolation has never bothered you
-You are very poor with reading social cues and getting on with people, therefore you don't mind or care what you are missing and so have more of an ability to give up with interacting with people (unless needed)
-You don't come from an all-NT family or you don't have so many NTs around you doing this and that with their mates and finding relationships, making you feel left behind and babyish
-You don't have social anxieties holding you back
-You have an over average IQ and can focus on your special interests (I just have a special interest with bus-drivers, which gets me nowhere except ridicule myself)
-You were brought up to believe in the attitude ''I am who I am'' (I was brought up to believe in the attitude ''be normal or else'')

Unfortunately I am the opposite to all those I listed down, which makes me HATE having AS so much. These are some things I want to have/be like (Aspie or not):-

-More social skills to make me more socially accepted and not defined as ''odd'' at all
-Less obsessive-minded
-Less prone to stress and anxiety
-Able to enjoy myself whilst out
-Able to appreciate what I have got, rather than always finding fault in something
-More intelligent, had a memory that stored useful information instead of people's intentions all the time
-Wasn't so obsessively jealous of other people all the time

Hmmm but could one blame me for looking at it that way? It's most certainly not a view point I try to feel. If anything it's more reactionary. The reason I see no positives is well...there are no benefits, only blocks. Interestingly enough, I've changed myself completely to function in society and it's to a point where there is general disbelief of my condition among people I meet (not saying I greet them like "Hi I'm Ryan and I have Aspergers").

No, I cannot, as I've been in your frame of mind & possibly even worse so. I know it's not something you try to feel, just as I didn't. Reactionary/automatic/your normal etc - I get it.

Incorrect & illogical. You see no positives due to your mindset & paradigms. There are many benefits to ASD & the world wouldn't have a whole lot of scientific, engineering, and creative artistic things if it weren't for the benefits that various ASD people throughout history have had that they exploited and utilized to the best of their ability. NT's wouldn't have all of the tech toys we have in the world today if it weren't for the benefits of brains like ours. Books wouldn't have been written, scientific discoveries wouldn't have happened, things wouldn't be designed, art would have been created etc.

I've got to go to work now, no time, but I'd like to chat with you further about this.

Maybe it's different depending on when you found out you were on the spectrum. I spent years not knowing what the reason was that I felt so different, and being victim to peoples' criticisms, when I found out I wasn't this awful person, I had Asperger's, that there is a reason I think and feel this way, it was a relief. So it's been more positive for my self-image that way. I do sometimes feel angry and that it's unfair that I have this, but I blame myself less than I used to. Finding a whole community out there who are the same as me has been a huge thing for me. At least I'm not alone in not fitting in. This all makes me prouder of myself than I was before.

I'm not proud of who i am per se, i like who i am because unlike many people on this planet, i have integrity and some other good traits. But it could be better.

Also, i do not like to use the word proud.

Because they are "a mess" in distinctly autistic ways, perhaps? Or at least in terms of common comorbids?



This assumes that such a person is able to focus all of their processing on dealing with a conversation, that the ability to interpret social cues is somehow present in a brute force manner, that the ability to perceive these social cues is present so that they can be interpreted. It ignores other issues that can complicate the situation, such as sensory processing. As a simplistic rule



If you've seen one autistic person, you've seen one autistic person.

Other information I've seen indicates that social impairment plays a larger role in autistic outcomes than overall intelligence. Just being "smart" does not render one capable of mitigating all of those impairments, and the "rule of thumb" you posted above does not work for everyone, if it even works for most. I am dubious about it working for most, for that matter.

To learn from social stories is to learn by brute force. In order to compensate for an inability to intuitively perceive social cues, people can be taught what to look for, and as with anything, there are degrees. Social stories for kids are the beginning. There will be people who remain at that level, and people who through the years learn more and more. It's tough to do. It takes great mental CPU and it can be exhausting. Certainly not everyone will be capable of it, and having higher intelligence would make you more likely to succeed. Note the word 'likely'.



I didn't say it worked for everyone, and I specifically said that it becomes harder the more people are involved in the social interaction. Being a rule of thumb also implies that it doesn't work for everyone.

No, being smart doesn't render one capable of mitigating all impairments, but it sure helps to be smart.

To me, "pride" is irrelevant.

I just try to live my life the best I can. To Hell with judgmental people and their shallow, materialistic concepts of "success."

What we call "life" is fleeting, while "death" is forever. For the majority of us, no matter what we accomplish during our existence, we are going to die, rot, and eventually be forgotten as if were never here. In short, I don't take life too seriously because nobody gets out alive.

Of course I'm proud of what I am.
I refuse to be a victim of someone's perception of what is right or wrong with me. I leave that to myself and try to work on my weaknesses using my strengths (if anything, then I'm a victim of circumstances I can not control or those I create myself).
Everyday is a challenge that allows me to understand reality and myself better as I strive to become a better person.
If the everyday existence seems depressing, at least I can be optimistic that my struggle will help me overcome it.
If I ask myself what is the point of being alive if I feel dead, then I know I gave into the "darkness".
I would rather have my invincible defeat, than disintegrate my consciousness.
Cheers

I do not like the person that I am. But I also cannot conceive of being anything else than I am. When depression gets severe it is mostly this that I ruminate over. If I do not like who I am and cannot imagine any other possibility; do I want to continue to be?

So, I live each day individually and I try very hard to find things, small things, any things, that make me want to see tomorrow. I have made progress in this regard but it is very difficult.

I would not really describe my feelings toward having an ASD in terms of being "proud" or "ashamed." I think of it in terms of "acceptance." I accept and acknowledge that I have AS, taking note of what challenges it presents and what it means for my interaction with the world. I have learned to feel comfortable in my own skin. I would point out that self acceptance does not always lead to happiness, however.

I can't say I'm "proud" of who I am, I just... am. I suppose I'm satisfied with my accomplishments in my life, especially since I've done more in my life than most people will ever think about doing. But I was pretty much pushed and dragged for most of it. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with myself, too. I was constantly trying to change myself, I hated myself, hated how I was. I think I'm pretty neutral now. I do still have times when I'm unsatisfied with myself, but I don't want to change who I am or how I think anymore.

With how much I've studied people, I don't think it matters if someone is NT or ASD, everyone has their own serious problems, they're just different. Some seem to have better lives, but they could be struggling really bad and just hiding it. I will never envy anyone.

At which point it's nothing more than a "just so" story. Higher intelligence does not mean a greater likelihood of success. From what I have read, severity of social impairments actually do play a larger role than strict intelligence.

Social stories teach how to script the situations covered by those social stories, but do not necessarily provide general principles for social interaction or ability to spot when it is necessarily to apply it.



It helps a lot more to have milder social impairments.

Also, autism is not only social impairments.

Anyway, the reason I responded to your post was because of this statement:



When you are reduced to making sweeping generalizations about people you do not know anything about to make your point, your point is actually fairly weak.

Personal experience drives me to "believe" that generalizations are best made in reference to one's own experience.
I'll provide the necessary quotations if necessary

I like this very much!

And I guess it's medium disclosure and a series of medium steps as I get to know a person (of course easier said than done )

And political activism, for me, has generally been a disappointment.