What are some common social cues that you don't catch?
I have a feeling a miss a great majority of them. I still have a very rudimentary understanding of social rules. If they say hi, I respond likewise. I let people lead the conversation, and try to keep my responses focused on them. If they continue to seek me out to talk, they must like me. Sometimes it seems like people are searching for a different response from me, but I don't know what. I just get this waiting/questioning look from people sometimes, but I don't know how to respond to it.
It never even occurred to me that it's expected and polite to engage in small talk until fairly recently. It finally dawned on me that it's a bridge, and there's a point to it after all.
What my husband has pointed out to me I do I am not even aware of:
Taking over a conversation and trying to direct it my way
Not knowing the topic has changed so while everyone else has moved on, I am still stick on what we were talking about so I will keep talking about it
Husband trying to leave the room and I keep on talking and I don't notice he wants to sit down so he is trying to leave
Saying inappropriate things during a conversation and doing TMI
And one thing I am definitely aware of is interrupting and when to change topics and how to end a conversation without being rude.
Taking things as criticism or as them being critical or being negative. Mom points this out to me.
Thinking people are mad when they yell at me or assume they are annoyed with me
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
Taking over a conversation and trying to direct it my way
Not knowing the topic has changed so while everyone else has moved on, I am still stick on what we were talking about so I will keep talking about it
Husband trying to leave the room and I keep on talking and I don't notice he wants to sit down so he is trying to leave
Saying inappropriate things during a conversation and doing TMI
And one thing I am definitely aware of is interrupting and when to change topics and how to end a conversation without being rude.
Taking things as criticism or as them being critical or being negative. Mom points this out to me.
Thinking people are mad when they yell at me or assume they are annoyed with me
You just described me perfectly.
Several times I wrote off awkward chit chat from someone only to discuss it later and realize it was romantic interest, usually gay guys but hell there is literally no way to tell usually. Women are usually better at making their intentions clear.
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
I never know when it's my turn to speak because I hear a small pause and think I can speak and I end up talking over people and this happens on the phone too.
People get annoyed with me when I talk and I don't know why, perhaps I'm talking too fast or too much but especially doctors and other professionals become very terse quickly with me. I'm sick of their rudeness.
I think there are many but because I don't know they are performing a social cue and have yet to work out what went wrong most of the time I have no idea what I've missed.
_________________
*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum
Biscuitman
Veteran
Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,674
Location: Dunking jammy dodgers
I am having a week of reflection as I just learned I may have this. I read a lot of things and think it doesn't apply but then learn something about myself and realise it may do.
Just called my gf, asked whether conversation with me is difficult, she laughed and asked how I could have not noticed. She said I butt in when people haven't finished and then get very determined to finish what I am saying and seem to need to finish it or I get upset.
Yes, I've had this problem... I used to teach and once taught a two adults, male and female. At some point one the female students came to me and said the male one fancied me, couldn't I tell?? I was gobsmacked
I know a lot of cues intellectually but don't get the more subtle ones, and interrupt a lot even though I know I shouldn't do it, I can't stop myself, and have to say what I have to say regardless.
Apparently, my girlfriend (and another older female) both pointed out that girls hit on me literally everyday and I do not notice it at all. I didn't even know my girlfriend was the least bit interested during our first date until she grabbed my hand and held it and later told me how many hints she dropped. It was obvious in retrospect but I had no idea at the time. If that wasn't bad enough, the few times I was "sure" a girl was really into me and I made a move (NOT physical or sexual) I quickly found out I was 100%, dead wrong and one even informally reported me at work. I wasn't even aggressive either so they obviously completely misunderstood me or I came off the wrong way. On top of that, I know a few females from a recreational sports league. One was blatantly hitting on me to the point even I saw it (and other guys were asking why she was so flirting aggressively like that) and when I invited her to play with my team for a game she kept coming up with excuses over and over again.
I also struggle with basic conversation and to know what's appropriate, when it's my turn and when to stop. Only due to multiple experiences do I have any clue but as a teenager, it was very awkward.
Over and over again it seems to be whenever I'm in regular contact with people whether work, school, friends, or romantically that inevitably someone gets really upset with me and I'm clueless as to what they're upset about. I'm just going along and next thing you know someone is yelling at me or crying and, apparently, that's after their non-verbal cues didn't work on me. So by then they think I'm the biggest jerk in the world. Meanwhile, I really had no clue whatsoever. This upsets me because I have no intention of hurting people. Unfortunately, by the time I figure it all out my heartfelt apologies often fall on deaf ears.
Anymore, I just try to be really, really nice, like I'm on a job interview, whenever I have to interact with people. It doesn't solve all my social missteps but it seems to reduce the path of destruction I apparently create.
This is what people have said about me.
1. Missing the context and subtext of what people say. I tend to turn what people say sometimes into Boolean logic or math.
2. Being too literal
3. At family gatherings not speaking enough-
a. I don't know how to get into the conversations
b. Even if I could do a I have nothing to add to the conversation so why would I speak?
4. Negative Attitude
a. Why do people perservate on this so much instead of the issue at hand and trying to solve the underlying problem? Attitude is not a muscle that can be voluntary moved. It is a reaction to a stimulus in one's concrete environment.
b. There is an objective reality outside of oneself. I keep telling others including my family members that it doesn't matter what our feelings are or our disposition. My emotions and feelings have to be based upon objective truth(s). If my emotions and feelings do not then one possibility is my emotions and feelings are off. Another possibility is the objective truth I may have may have flaws to it and has to be corrected.
5. Black and White Thinking but less so in recent years.
Anymore, I just try to be really, really nice, like I'm on a job interview, whenever I have to interact with people. It doesn't solve all my social missteps but it seems to reduce the path of destruction I apparently create.
Tori, For me, Even if I know I did upset them I may not know what to do about it.
how can all of you be so acutely aware of what you do not understand?
how can you so elaborately describe what you say you are oblivious to?
it is a paradox that most of the posters in this thread intricately describe what they say they are not aware of.
i believe that most people fraudulently claim they are autistic (due to the fad factor), and they then go on to describe in detail the realities that they claim they they are oblivious to.
Taking over a conversation and trying to direct it my way
Not knowing the topic has changed so while everyone else has moved on, I am still stick on what we were talking about so I will keep talking about it
Husband trying to leave the room and I keep on talking and I don't notice he wants to sit down so he is trying to leave
Saying inappropriate things during a conversation and doing TMI
And one thing I am definitely aware of is interrupting and when to change topics and how to end a conversation without being rude.
Taking things as criticism or as them being critical or being negative. Mom points this out to me.
Thinking people are mad when they yell at me or assume they are annoyed with me
i understand you very much..
how can you so elaborately describe what you say you are oblivious to?
it is a paradox that most of the posters in this thread intricately describe what they say they are not aware of.
i believe that most people fraudulently claim they are autistic (due to the fad factor), and they then go on to describe in detail the realities that they claim they they are oblivious to.
Because WE don't know, this is what's explained to us in the aftermath. There's also the difference of intellectually knowing you shouldn't offend people and realizing when you actually are offending someone. Like, I realize there is sarcasm but I often don't catch when someone is being sarcastic. Why in the world would someone want to fake being autistic? That makes no sense to me.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Drunk animals far more common than previously thought |
30 Oct 2024, 4:36 pm |
New Social Workers |
15 Nov 2024, 12:16 am |
Social mistakes you've learnt from. |
27 Oct 2024, 7:53 pm |
Social Groups near Riverview Florida |
18 Nov 2024, 5:15 pm |