Is there any point in getting a middle-age diagnosis

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hemocyanin,

I want to tell you that no matter the outcome of your evaluation, your wife should still be able to understand that your reactions to her are not rooted in contempt.

You have the ability to communicate very well from what I can see here. I implore you to include your wife in your thought processes. Even if you may find it hard to start the conversation, or to keep your train of thought, you still need to tell her the things you've proven yourself able to tell us here. You could write her a letter or an email. Someone as articulate as yourself will have no problem being understood. Make sure to explain to her how her actions make you feel physically, and assure her that your reactions don't mean that you "hate her". I can't imagine that she would continue to think that (if she even does at all) after understanding things from your perspective.

Even if at the end of your evaluative process you don't completely fit the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's or Autism, that doesn't mean your dislike of touch and the other issues you mentioned aren't real. You most likely have sensory integration disorder, at the very least. Do some reading about that, when you get the chance. Show your wife the things you read about that you think describe you well. It will help you both.

I wish you the best.

I think the point of diagnosis in middle-age is coming to terms with what makes you different and why. If you feel you can associate with something like Aspergers as a matter of self identification, then it's probably a good idea to conjecture that you probably have it.

I think an official diagnosis would mainly only facilitate two things: Getting treatment or trying to apply for disability funding.

Do you want to go through some sort of treatment/therapy program?

Do you want to try qualifying for disability income?

If no, then I'd say not to bother pursuing it. A stage I've gotten to since I passed 50 is, that I'm too old now to bother over the piddly things of everyday life. I'm healthy, I'm mobile, I have an income, I have a dwelling, I have food etc. I really don't have anything to complain about for the most part. I'm autistic, big deal, it could be a lot worse, life goes on.

LOL there's your primary symptom right there. Having to mimic being "normal". I'm too good at it now myself, at least on the surface. I'm actually trying to tone it down some. Something like that can tend to become too obsessive and I'm such a chameleon.
"Oh, I want to act like him (either real person or character), no wait, I want to act like him instead..."

Well, taking your wife into consideration, a diagnosis and followup might be a good idea. It certainly couldn't hurt to get diagnosed.
From what you've described about yourself, I doubt you'll "flunk" the test.

[quote="briankelley"]

I think an official diagnosis would mainly only facilitate two things: Getting treatment or trying to apply for disability funding.

Do you want to go through some sort of treatment/therapy program?

Do you want to try qualifying for disability income?

If no, then I'd say not to bother pursuing it. [/quote

I don't really agree with this statement - an official diagnosis is not just about getting better benefits or even treatment - it is clear from this message board that even with the amount of info, access to specialist information and an abundance of threads that outline with precision the kinds of different scenarios and symptoms that people on the spectrum experience, a LARGE number of people doubt themselves and want confirmation of their ideas.....

I would like to add that IMO there is no treatment or therapy that can make being on the spectrum vanish, but that there are a few types of cognitive therapies that can help ... and avoid psychoanalysis for AS like the plague ...!

As a 44 yo bloke myself, I understand the dilemma.

My GP is referring me based on a description of the problems I have had in life. And now looking at those problems in the context of possible Asperger's/ASD, I see a lot of symptoms that would explain a lot about my life experiences.

It can only ever be a personal decision. For me, I would always wonder if I am or am not on the spectrum. And if I am, it would put a lot of things into context. Even if I am not, this path will hopefully lead me to a path where I better understand myself, and my limitations. And I fail to see how that could be negative. But as I say, everyone is different

hemocyanin, good luck on this journey. I hope what ever the outcome, you will benefit from it

I was diagnosed at 27 and although it was a relief to know that I wasn't crazy but my brain just worked differently, I think it helped my husband a lot more.

He said he understood me after the diagnosis and stopped blaming himself for my sometimes aloof behaviour (he went through a phase once where he was convinced I was cheating on him because I wasn't paying him enough attention). He's also a lot more patient with me now and doesn't push me so hard to try and socialise more.

I think it would be beneficial to you to find out. I am 36 and going for my own diagnosis, just for the peace of mind and finally knowing for sure why I've always felt so different from everyone else. From your list, it seems to me that you likely do have it.

I was just diagnosed last month, at age 50. I first learned about Aspergers in mid-December 2012 and then spent the next 4 months reading everything I could about the “condition”. It became an obsession. I became interested not only in Aspergers, but also other “conditions” (i.e. certain Personality Disorders) that could be “confused” with Aspergers. I spent many, many hours each week reading Wrong Planet (and other online forums) as well as more than a dozen books (about both Aspergers and Personality Disorders).

The similarities between Aspergers and Schizoid Personality Disorder (not to mention Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) are what drove my decision to seek a formal diagnosis. Finally, after so many years, I wanted to understand what was driving these symptoms. Now I know.

Unfortunately, dealing with the diagnosis, is another story altogether. I now pay attention to signals that I used to ignore. Examples? Well, I simply ignored certain lapses in executive function - assuming that I was no different than others. Likewise, I thought everyone was similar to me, say, in the way I obsess about details. As a result, I now see everything through this new lens. In some ways, I wish I had never learned about Aspergers. It's a wicked truth, after so many years (of living in a false reality). Then again, I'm glad that I finally understand myself better.

Very well put sir, you really hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what I went through (around the same time period even) and is exactly how I feel about having a diagnosis, it is indeed a double edged sword.

I agree with Rocket and the universeman. I found out a couple of years ago and, although initially it was a relief it is no longer so.

In the long run it has brought me so much stress, I realise a lot of things that I wish I hadn't realised (even though some of them are interesting such as why I am obsessed with noticing car registration plates). Im my country I won't get any disability and I feel that I am in a strange place. I am unable to cope as well as I used to with life because I am permanently worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. I have gone from coping and just being a bit weird to medication, CBT, counselling etc because I am so worried about the effect I have on other people and how I come across. I am internalising my feelings and have now become quite paranoid. This isn't helped by working with some bullying female bosses.

I hope that you make the decision that you require but please bear in mind that it is a two edged sword.

Has therapy helped? I have considered therapy, but am a bit reluctant (as I am not certain how much it would help).

It wouldn’t be the first time (as I was in therapy on several different occasions, at ages: 9, 12, 18-23).

For me, I am not interested in looking back to explain things. As the Asperger’s diagnosis does that very clearly. And, I am uncertain how a neurotypical therapist can really advise someone with totally a different wiring apparatus.

The only advise I could see a therapist giving is the following:
#1) You need to accept who you are based upon your diagnosis. Read a lot. Learn a lot. Find a support group. Make certain you place yourself in situations that leverage your strengths. Make certain you limit your exposure to those situations that expose any weaknesses.

#2) Try to do find a vocation that is aligned with your special interests and matches your abilities and character. As Tony Attwood wrote (in “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome”), “A career or vocation well matched to the abilities and character of the person with Asperger’s syndrome can provide this much-needed self-worth and self-identity, along with a real reason to keep going. When I ask adults with Asperger’s syndrome to describe themselves, the descriptions are usually what they do, their job or special interest, rather than their family or social network. As Temple Grandin said to me: ‘I am what I do.’”

#3) When you need “space”, find a place to be alone. As Tony Attwood wrote (in “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome”), “Being alone is often the main emotional recovery mechanism for people with Asperger’s syndrome”.

Am I missing something?