Answering too quickly=rude and argumentative?!?!?

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I pretend a lot but sometimes I don't and think they are just going to accept me for the character I am. That is a very freeing experience. When I read Eastern philosophy (Taoism, website: dailyzen) they seem to back that up. Their sages are very different from the population and just don't care.

whirlingmind, I'm sorry that you have understood this as a criticism. It was not.

It sounds like you see NT wiring as normal and you are seeing AS wiring as some sort of a deficit. I don't agree.
And I really do believe its going against my (NT) evolutionary nature and my brain wiring to make myself act in concilliatory ways that leads to understanding of AS communication.

The main difference is I only have to do that with one person, not the whole of society, because I am in the majority. I wasn't trying to knock your positivity. That would be mean. I was just saying something I think is true - I am going against my brain wiring. If Aspergians brains tend towards logic, detail, information gathering/sharing, less emotional clouding, more immune to crowd pressure, and if NTs are more wired for social heirachies - then my brain and biology tend to make me behave emotionally and with massive consideration to social heirachies/pressure.

Being an independent thinker does not come easy for me - it tends to come easier for Aspies. My brain and chemicals make me care what others think, they make me a sheep. Wiring and chemicals (probably oxytocin) make me the kind of person that could give electric shocks to people and deny the evidence of my own senses because people in authority are telling me black is white - wiring that drives that crazy behaviour, its primitive, so how can it be easy to overcome? ?????

Its not easy. It makes my brain and body hurt. I'm going against my biological tendencies. In any single interation Im working as hard to be different to instinct and "pretend" as you are, but you are faced with the whole of society. But I still have to stop and think, and not react, and analyse and check my body and brain for emotions and symptons. It makes my brain and heart hurt.

( for example my brain freaks out with cognitive dissonance, I know in my bones with 100% certainty that my friend can not be unkind, yet my wiring and chemistry tells me he just was).

If it was as easy as you describe, then I think Aspies would have an easier time.

[quote= And to the poster who asked "what was the question?" -- There was a large envelope with my mother's name on it on the counter next to me.. It had come in the mail I had picked up. She said "What's this?" I simply said "Look at it and find out." She gave me this really dirty look as if I had cussed her out or something.[/quote]

That sounds to my NT ears, like you did cuss her out.
Because she could have simply "looked at it and found out" for herself, without any question of you, but she chose to ask - chose interaction and a request for help/interest. Its small talk which AS find pointless. But to NTs says "hi you are there and I am interested in you this morning". Like dogs sniffing each others bums. Biological.

She ought to get used to your style though. But as I said its hard sometimes to consistently intercept primitive signals. Communication is bloody complicated, its amazing anyone gets through, ever!! !!

If someone had said it to me, and snappy-like, I would have though "ooh, got out of bed the wrong way." Of course I can find out for myself, I was asking you. "find out for yourself" is not far off a cuss to an NT ears.

Does it sound that way to any AS? Is there anyone on a different place on the spectrum that still hears "f**k off"??

Its pretty mad stuff aint it?

What one says is not what people hear

What one write is not what people read

You need to build scaffolding to communicate. If its stays in place, the above don't matter.

Back to your mum. Alternatively...... Had you fallen out about anything else before hand? or had anything else happened that she could have had rumblings of still? NTs have rumblings a lot longer than ASs. A disagreement where you had pushed her away? That could all still be inside still?

For her this "Whats that?" could have been a tiny bit of an olive leaf to you, to start things off in the right direction again. She might already have felt a little sore and that would have contributed to the dirty look when her tiny concilliatory olive leaf got a rejection.

I think tiny olive leaves are really really important for NTs and AS both, who equally dont use them enough. We can all learnt to recognise them quick and grab them and then make them grow into scaffolding.

I think this is the main reason me and my gf actually argue half the time. She says that I never let her finish before I respond or that I "just wait for her to finish to say what I am already waiting to say" rather than thinking about what she said and then answering her. Which I think is sooo weird, considering that I can already know what to answer. If I wait and count before I talk, she thinks I am being unresponsive. I am using her as an example but I do have this issue with other people as well, which is why I do not blame them for the issue in so much as I cannot seem to stop myself from causing them.

I do not see what the problem is, personally, would you not want a response when you answer a question? This did lead us to an argument the other day and I admit I blew up a bit, but I tend to be very defensive when it comes to talking about autism, because sometimes I feel like i have to defend my right to be different versus "being spoiled" i guess we all carry our own stigmas.

Sometimes I think i can't talk about anything, which is frustrating because I do like to talk, I mean, i don't think that is wrong, even though people usually tell me its bad to talk, good to have a conversation. I mean if i talk about art stuff for more than like two minutes. people get mad at me usually and I am like there is so darn much to know about it. yet I gotta sit there and listen to people talk to me about their three-year financial plan and care and give opinions I dont have . . . i am rambling, im sorry.

The point is, wow I had no idea this may have been the issue, answering too fast. I still dont see the f*****g problem here.

The issue is percieved social status. If the Aspie answers without appearing to give deference to the speaker, the speaker may believe they are losing percieved social status. One of the little rules of social communication that makes it hard to communicate.

My HFA daughter gets annoyed with me when I interrupt her question to give her the answer. She's displaying her autistic trait of needing to say everything, and I'm displaying mine where my brain is going so fast and has already calculated the rest of the question so I just interrupt to let her know, I can't be bothered to wait to hear it all once I know what information she needs. That'd probably be likely to be considered even worse than answering too quickly by NTs.