Is it possible to be autistic only part of the time?

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Regardless of what your full diagnosis is though, isn't the most important think formulating some kind of plan of action to enable you to cope with your difficulties?

Yes, but an AS diagnosis really doesn't seem to be able to do this.

You need to say what problems do I have in my life (regardless of the cause) and what can I do to overcome or cope with them

List your top 5 main difficulties in life at the moment

1. My voice sounds weird.

2. Trouble focusing on things.

3. Inability to connect with people.

4. A cycle that alternates between rage/hostility and depression/anxiety.

5. Horrible self-esteem.

1. You could see a speech and language therapist

2. What is your diet like?

3. You connect ok on WP so it's probably that the type of people you usually mix with aren't on your wavelength

4. Get an alarm clock, set up reminders on Outlook Calender and wall calendar and write down To Do lists

5. Is this attitude helping you? If not make a decision to try a different strategy

No, it's usually an attitude that alternates between this and depression/anxiety. I'd say I'm *literally* always in fight or flight mode. I happen to be in fight mode now. It's not something I think I could just choose to stop. But I am working on getting help for it, starting first with food allergies, and then getting evaluated again for a personality disorder, such as BPD or maybe bipolar. The one who saw me super depressed should see the "manic" version of me. But again, it's hard to connect with therapists, like everyone, so I usually don't stay in it very long. Finding a BPD expert might be key. This is why I suspect BPD over bipolar because rapidly cycling through therapists and having trouble connecting with people is a signature BPD thing.

I'd keep trying to find an Speech Therapist who understands you better.

Do you eat enough protein each day? Do you eat a lot of sugar and junk food?

Eating the right diet is important as regards concentration

What did you have for breakfast?

So you aren't really looking to make connections/friends on WP? why is that?

It sounds as if you aren't making yourself open enough to make connections or possibly don't even
want to make them as what you say seems a bit contradictory

What do you mean by 'Not like other people here though' - do you mean you feel others make better or more
connections than you?

Do you take any medication and if so what is it?

Perhaps you need something stronger medication-wise to get more control over your behaviour patterns etc

Either an anti-depressant or something people with Bipolar take

A mood stabilising medication that also helps with motivation

Also what's the definition of a 'nerd'?

Is it a bookish person who isn't focused on being cool?

I've often thought the majority of people on WP are on a mission to prove they are anything but nerds!

I tried Zoloft (for 4 months) and then tried Lexapro (for 1), and both really screwed up my life. Zoloft made people regard me as creepy. Lexapro sapped all my energy, flattened my affect, and in fact, these "bipolar" episodes got much worse starting then. I wonder if Lexapro could have caused them. I am definitely not going to do this again, but I would be open to finding a doctor who is willing to work with me on natural or homeopathic remedies.

Choline does as much for me anxiety-wise as Zoloft ever did, so I bet there are others, too, for the other problems. It is first necessary to get a diagnosis of AVPD, bipolar, BPD, or whatever it is.

I guess a nerd is someone who is primarily focused on intellectual pursuits and doesn't care about social stuff. I care a lot about both. If there was something I could do that would have a 50% chance of a complete cure and a 50% chance of death, I would probably take it. This sets me apart from most members. I care quite a bit about fitting in. If I was told that I could never fit in any better than I do now, I'd probably end my life immediately.

I'm on a low dose of Efexor and the progesterone-only mini-pill

It seems to keep me more stable and buoyant in mood than taking nothing

There are a lot of different anti-depressant etc medications out there so you could keep trying different types
until you find something more effective

A lot of intellectuals are still very social - the two things aren't mutually exclusive

I've given up on fitting in and interact with the world on my terms now

Not fitting in isn't the end of the world and I'd say it's your desperation to fit in that is making you unhappy more
than the actual not fitting in

I don't think it's possible to be a "part time Aspie" but I'm of the belief that we can move up and down on the spectrum at different times in our lives.

I don't think it's possible to be autistic part of the time NT another part. Sounds more like fluctuation in mood and confidence level affecting your self perception. It's also possible to outgrow obvious social symptoms of autism. In that case I'd concentrate more on the mood disorder.

I know for a fact that depression can cause your mental processing speed to slow and make it more difficult to interact socially. It does this to me too, only for me its pretty much my only state as I don't have manic or mixed states. That kind of thing is definitely depression, not aspergers/pdd-nos.

I think all Aspies should work on identifying any gifts that they have. Not only does this help confirm the diagnosis, but may help to avoid the depression that often results from all the effort one may need to make just to be "normal."

Unfortunately, the only gifts I have (abstract reasoning ability, which is really, really high according to tests) require social skills together with them in order to be marketable. So I have chosen a profession where this skill is important, but unfortunately, normal social skills are required too.

Yes, the ideal is to turn your gift into a marketable commodity--but in real life, it often doesn't turn out that way.

For instance, I know a garden consultant whose real passion is writing about horticultural history--but his passion can't possibly pay the bills.

You should work on using your gift on hobby activities, in order to develop it. Sort of like a good athlete who tries a couple different sports before deciding which one to make a career. And, when they choose a career, they don't always end up in their favorite sport. For instance, American football isn't that great of a career, if you can play Major League Baseball--just too many injuries, and a relatively unfavorable income situation, compared to MLB. More importantly, you need to plan for a long life--who knows what careers will be valuable in 10 or 20 years.