Do people avoid eye-contact with you?

Page 2 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

19 Mar 2013, 10:50 am

I always thought about it in terms of us having nothing to hide - we give a genuine honest look at people and because most people have loads to hide they don't like it

They find our look far too honest in my opinion and it makes them feel judged

They find it too intense as their world consists of hiding their true self most of the time.

That's how I see it as I get the impression some people think my look is some kind of impertinence but as I see it I've happened to make eye contact inadvertently or look up and they're looking at me hence I look back

There is such a thing as the 'social gaze' which is softer, more friendly and accepting and less analytical I think, that makes people feel more at ease

I haven't mastered it but I find looking away from people a lot more helps as an unbroken look, even if they are doing it back will be seen as a stare on your part even if they are doing it too

I can do very good eye contact if I feel someone is trying to bully me - I will look right at them to try and embarrass them and they will often not want to meet my eye if they are being underhand

generally though I don't deliberately seek eye contact as it's such a minefield and I'm not very interested in other people anyway - I usually just deal with the eye contact of others by looking away or staring back if I feel they're being rude

if I look at people too much I get caught up in a social dominance game whereby I try and win and I know it's not healthy

I do not want to be a person who walks round looking at the floor or never making eye contact though as I feel this is a sign of subservience and subservient is not how I feel to anyone!

In terms of people not making eye contact I think this will occur the more desperate you are for the eye contact - be less bothered and it will happen more. I think people pick up a discomfort vibe from a person via their expression or lack of smile and this makes them less likely to make the eye contact. It used to bother me a lot more in the past but now not so much.
It's a sign of wanting too much control over others to need eye contact to occur always when you want it



Triple__B
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jan 2013
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

19 Mar 2013, 11:35 am

Yes. But not only do they avoid eye contact with me, they turn away and finish the conversation with someone else. It's kind of annoying.


_________________
AQ -48
EQ - 6
Your Aspie score: 164 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 29 of 200
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles. ~ Charles Chaplin


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

19 Mar 2013, 11:40 am

ShelbyGt500 wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Er, it depends with me it really does. When I'm in a group, I notice I can be making as much friendly eye contact as I like (I don't make too much as staring at people is not natural for me but I make an appropriate amount), and nobody makes eye contact with me back, which makes it harder to join in to the conversation.

But when I'm anywhere among strangers, (on the street, in shops, etc) I get stared at by everyone (well, mostly inconsiderate woman in their 60s).

So I have gazes from people in situations where I'd rather not be noticed at all, and I don't get gazes from people in situations where I want to be noticed.

Typical and unexplainable!


Would you describe yourself as having the direct-eye gaze?


I do with people whom I know, like family, friends, co-workers, etc etc etc, or are willing to make some sort of interaction with, like cashiers, waiters/waitresses, train conductors, etc etc etc, or even people whom I hate or don't feel comfortable with. It comes naturally and doesn't make me feel a bit uncomfortable. But random strangers are different, and changes the way I feel about making eye contact, and it is rare that I give strangers a direct-eye gaze (although I can still feel if they are staring at me or not).


_________________
Female


ZombieBrideXD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2013
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,507
Location: Canada

19 Mar 2013, 7:57 pm

hard to say since i dont look at them when talking to them, i look everywhere so im usually not even aware if theyre looking in my direction, i dont really care either


_________________
Obsessing over Sonic the Hedgehog since 2009
Diagnosed with Aspergers' syndrome in 2012.
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 severity without intellectual disability and without language impairment in 2015.

DA: http://mephilesdark123.deviantart.com


ShelbyGt500
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Mesa, AZ

19 Mar 2013, 8:21 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Kinme wrote:
I think the eye contact we give can scare some people off. Maybe we have powerful eyes that can be intimidating? I know I hate intimidating eyes.


yeah i think so. i have very powerfull green eyes. and i am also half black so that totally creeps people out when i look at them in such an intense way


Do you have what is called the "direct-eye gaze"? I have that along with the inability to read tone-of-voice or facial expressions. Regretfully, I'm one of those guys who gives people the creeps. However, no one gives me the creeps, even with an ominous stare.



tjr1243
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 379

20 Mar 2013, 12:06 am

Buggins wrote:
tjr1243 wrote:
..or do they generally look you in the eye?

I have the disconcerting experience of people avoiding eye-contact with me for some reason. I know this is kind of ironic, as many of us on the spectrum dread eye-contact.


Perhaps you're focusing a bit too much on eye-contact, giving people the impression you're trying to stare into their soul? :wink:


This is quite possible... I am overly focused on it so perhaps my gaze is too direct but lacking in something. I just envision most people who are not on the spectrum, having their eye motions in sync, being able to soften their gaze, add a sparkle and emotional richness - in direct response to how others react. Whereas my gaze may be cold and unemotional, unempathetic....



HereBeDragons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 563
Location: Above all low delay

20 Mar 2013, 12:47 pm

I've been practicing looking people in the eye. This is what I've learned:

Walking by someone: They will glance at you, make eye contact, and continue on their way. My mom says they are simply aknowledging your existence, then continuing onward. Also, if you keep your head level (not looking at the floor or ceiling), they are less likely to stare at you.

Too much eye contact: If you make eye contact for more than four seconds (maybe less, but at least four) you're staring at them and they get uncomfortable. Also, remeber to blink.

Conversation: Still have a lot to learn from this bit. You have to do more than glance at someone, but of course, not end up staring at them. That's all the farther I've gotten yet.


_________________
Be complete within yourself and you will never disappoint, even in solitude.


Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,539
Location: Europe

20 Mar 2013, 1:25 pm

ShelbyGt500 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Kinme wrote:
I think the eye contact we give can scare some people off. Maybe we have powerful eyes that can be intimidating? I know I hate intimidating eyes.


yeah i think so. i have very powerfull green eyes. and i am also half black so that totally creeps people out when i look at them in such an intense way


Do you have what is called the "direct-eye gaze"? I have that along with the inability to read tone-of-voice or facial expressions. Regretfully, I'm one of those guys who gives people the creeps. However, no one gives me the creeps, even with an ominous stare.


Show me a picture of what you mean by the 'direct eye gaze'



ShelbyGt500
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Mesa, AZ

20 Mar 2013, 6:08 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
ShelbyGt500 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Kinme wrote:
I think the eye contact we give can scare some people off. Maybe we have powerful eyes that can be intimidating? I know I hate intimidating eyes.


yeah i think so. i have very powerfull green eyes. and i am also half black so that totally creeps people out when i look at them in such an intense way


Do you have what is called the "direct-eye gaze"? I have that along with the inability to read tone-of-voice or facial expressions. Regretfully, I'm one of those guys who gives people the creeps. However, no one gives me the creeps, even with an ominous stare.


Show me a picture of what you mean by the 'direct eye gaze'


I'm going to send you a PM with a link to my Facebook account. Then, imagine my face looking directly in your eyes whenever I'm speaking to you or you are speaking to me.



ShelbyGt500
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Mesa, AZ

20 Mar 2013, 8:38 pm

This guy talks about why some people find the direct-eye gaze creepy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLJEsT9mY2Y

And, look at the difference between Anthony Hopkins as himself and him playing Hannibal Lecter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP-Dw81oFJc

In my case, I'm autistic, rather than a psychopath. But, those with an active imagination can get confused.



ShelbyGt500
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Mesa, AZ

20 Mar 2013, 11:20 pm

This is a formal neurological study that gets into the details of what eye-to-eye contact involves. My interpertation is that some people effectively get a punishing sensation while being looked at directly in the eyes.

http://cercor.oxfordjournals.org/conten ... ht003.full