Often get attacked for joining in discussions

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Ok

I was just feeling paranoid that you were referring to me as I'm sure people think I argue a point to the bitter end

I found there's really no point discussing anything that matters with people who are not rational. It's not their way of communicating. They talk to associate and commiserate with others instead of actually finding solutions or coming to conclusions. So most likely what the conclusion is doesn't matter, all that matter is they talked to like minded people and feel assured. When you butt in with your different opinions and strong argument, its effect is probably like an electric shock and make them very uncomfortable. To them you're the "disturber of peace".

Go find rational people who love a good debate to have your discussion with.

This is exactly it. I was having a great discussion online today when someone decided to jump in with emotional, illogical arguments. I assumed we were having a debate, and when I pointed out the weaknesses in their argument they began insulting me and saying I was "attacking" them. It made me angry because before they came along there was a really decent debate going on, and then I found myself dealing with someone who decided I had wronged them by stating my views, when they were the ones who inserted themselves in a debate mid-way.

I digress, but mainly I just wanted to say this thread makes me feel less alone.

Yes I agree - people often want a sympathetic, listening ear, not a solution

I can do sympathetic in terms of 'well this happened to me so I know how you feel' but I'm not good at endless 'There, there, how awful for you!' type stuff. I think it's more useful to offer possible solutions.

hmmmm it could be me they were talking about.....I argue points to the bitter end too....can't let an argument go.

One time, when I was talking with my family, I was playing devil's advocate for pedophilia and incest (and rightfully so, if you ask me), and it was confounding how they managed to completely misconstrue what I was saying, twist my words around, and then fail to correct their assumptions even after I tried to explain it to them 10 times in the most clear terms ever. Yup... I know what you mean.

I'm not a moral or cultural relativist. I think some things are just wrong regardless of cultural or historical context. Having sex with children is wrong, circumstance and context be damned , in my opinion. Still ,I think people should be able to have an open discussion about this. If you show sympathy for paedophiles , your argument shouldn't just be dismissed out of hand because the other side is too emotional about it or something.

That sounds like about 99% of PPR...

Sounds like about 99% of WP.

Yes, I think this is a good way to put it. I typically don't join in any debates with irrational people unless there's a good reason to (and it's very rare that there is). Then people wonder why I don't seem to have anything to "contribute to the discussion".

It's funny that pedophilia gets repeatedly brought up as an example here, because soon after I joined WP I remember reading a thread where someone (an aspie) posted some completely unsubstantiated, over-emotional rubbish about it. I was saddended to see that it happened even here. But then another poster replied, refuting their "facts" and citing a source! My faith in aspies was restored.

I just pissed someone off on another website for saying lying about rape is just as bad as blaming the victim.

Really, why are people offended about when they hear about someone lying about rape? Are they denying it doesn't happen?

We universally experience a visceral reaction to a woman being raped or exploited, and that seems to cloud rational thinking about the consequences of false accusations. I'd say yes, many are in denial.

All classes of victims suffer victim blaming, but women and young victims of sexual violence are fiercely protected from it. However, compassion for victims doesn't mean they shouldn't be held accountable whatsoever for their own safety or actions.

On a recent radio show, Men's Rights activist GirlWritesWhat was looking back on her own experience of being sexually assaulted. She said it was empowering to admit to herself that she still had agency throughout the whole thing. She didn't place full responsibility on herself, but she recognized that she had some power which enabled her to make choices affecting the outcome. Acknowledging that she had that agency even in the shittiest situation actually helped her get over the trauma.

I've had this happen, i think it may be sometimes that i can't word how to express what i feel properly formally i suppose and when i am blunt which is easiest for me, people seem to take offense to it. Also i do agree that sometimes they completely miss value of certain words, and it makes me curious as to did they miss the words on purpose and just want to attack?
Usually i try and state that i don't intend or mean to be offensive yet people want to come at me anyway. It's human nature i guess...

It just seems like people trivialize it when a guy gets accused of rape when he didn't do it. They seem to think being raped is worse than being accused of it and I hate the "who has it worse" and "what is worse" competition. It grinds me gears a lot.


I have even seen it with having kids too. it seems like just as long as you don't have kids, you have no right to be stressed out and be exhausted from your day. As if that having kids is worse than having a hard day at work and going to school full time. Just another competition there about "who has it harder" and "what is more stressful."


People have done the same with autism too. People also trivialize your struggles if you are milder or have As and not classic autism or if you are high functioning and can talk.

they might be denying, i agree with you that lying about something so serious is just as bad as blaming the victim.
It hurts future cases and can ruin reputations, thus lives.

People are fascinated with exceptions. The one guy who fell out of the airplane without a parachute and survived is more interesting than those who died. Because one guy survived doesn't mean it is a good idea to fall out of an airplane without a parachute.

People get annoyed when they hear stories brought up about women lying about rape because that exception is often used to dismiss the reality about rape. 1 in 5 women in college will be sexually assaulted, and most of those violations will either go unreported or be dismissed by school faculty.

When it is so important to educate people about the prevalence of rape in our culture, having people present exceptions as if they are significantly relevant to the reality of rape in our society is frustrating. Imagine every time you try to talk about skydiving safety there is the one guy who keeps bringing up that some people have walked away from a dive without a parachute.

Add this to the fact that women who do report are grilled about their violation, sexually histories, drinking habits, and motives as if they are the ones at fault, and you can see why people do get upset when exceptions keep being brought up as if they are significantly relevant to the reality of rape in our society.

Do women sometimes lie, and is it devastating? Yes, but it is minor concern statistically compared to the overwhelming numbers of women who are assaulted and never receive any form of justice.