If you could, would you rather be NT or autistic?

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Actually, many ADHDers say it's a difference. There's a whole bunch of books such as The Edison Gene, The Gift of ADHD, etc. It's a big controversy.

And many of the issues associated with autism are an effect of a mismatch between the person and society. For example, the vast majority of self-injury in autism can be prevented by arranging the environment to be more autism-friendly. (I know I would not be self-injurious if I'd been homeschooled from grade 1.) And many autistics are employable but aren't employed due to discrimination against 'weird' people during job interviews.

I do not want to be NT, but this is the same as my wish not to be dead. If I was dead/an NT, I wouldn't know what I was missing (perception itself/a type of perception) and both would mean less suffering. Still, I would not choose to become an NT.

Oh, and I agree with Ettina.

EDIT: I am pretty lucky as people on the spectrum go, though. I'm happily married, have a few friends, finished school and may, if I'm lucky, be able to have a decent career (working on that). Back before I had these things, though, I would still not have chosen to be "normal" as I thought of it then. I wanted to be able to appear normal when I had to, not to actually be that way - and, ideally, I wanted not to have to appear that way either.

Last edited by Nonperson on 20 Mar 2013, 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'd rather be me.

I'm a High-Functioning Autistic and I am comfortable this way. Like Ten says, 'I'd rather be me.'

^ This. Sure, being autistic is hard, but there are some good points. I like knowing I'm typically the smartest one in the room, or at least the one with the most knowledge in her head. I like being interested in having conversations with my dad about politics and philosophy and all sorts of complicated moral quandaries that bore everyone else stupid (I know because I've tried having those same conversations with others to disappointing results). I like having an impressive visual memory that is the envy of all my friends, and remembering most of what I see on TV the first time I see it. I also love my special interests; I think being totally and wholly absorbed in something is cool, and I like the feeling of expertise I get from it. Sure, sometimes I wish I could socialise better, and I wish I weren't afraid of using the phone or of the strangers my mother has over when she throws parties, but frankly I think those difficulties are a small price to pay for the gifts I got, especially considering a lot of NTs have the same problem but without the payoff. Being ordinary is my biggest fear, and no matter what I refuse to ever blend into the crowd and become invisible.

I don't know what being neurotypical is like. I have insufficient information to be able to make a decision.

At 50 years old I've only just found out I have Aspergers so hadn't even heard of the term neurotypical. Until now I just considered myself an eccentric artist, and I always kinda liked being different, so no, I wouldn't choose to be NT.

If anything I think my Aspergers has made me a better person, more observant and better at seeing solutions to problems other people get frustrated over.

That's not to say it hasn't been hard, what most people find easy I had to work hard for, and I have had some serious bouts of depression over the years, but because of that I appreciate what I have much more. My wife and kids are the most precious things in the world to me because its so amazing that someone with my problems managed to get a loving and stable family like that.

The point I'm making (very badly) is that being on the spectrum didn't stop me from getting most of what I wanted out of life, so I don't see how being NT would have been any better in the long run, (probably just more boring).

Completely NT. It doesn't mean I'd no longer be intelligent or have musical talent. I'd just like to have fully intact executive function.

I enjoy the curiosity and stock of knowlege I've accumulated over the years of being unsocial. It would be hypocritical to say, 'I would rather be born 100% NT' and then think about gratitude for being 'book-smart'.

Since I'm done with reading stuff now, if there was some kind of anti-autism medication, I would take it. I wpuld actually happily give up a quarter of my earnings for it. Such a thing doesn't exist, so I'm just going to have to learn to interact the old-fashioned way. (Got many years ahead of me for that, so that's another thing I'm grateful for)

Or we have a disagreement on what we mean by "autistic." I wouldn't mind being an autistic person who didn't have anxiety and depression and could read social cues and relate to people better. Also, I'd love to get rid of NLD. Mine is on the severe side. You can't really have geek friends when you can't play video games or use technology well, and it's hard to meet new people when you don't have hobbies to speak of. With NLD as bad as I have it, reading or doing things for long periods of time, or anything requiring focus, is too tiring.

So, if I got what I wanted, would I still be autistic? If your answer is "yes," then I would agree with you: no reason to want a cure. I'd keep everything else about me aside from anxiety + depression + NLD + difficulties relating to people and reading social cues. However, were this to be the case, I doubt I would even qualify as autistic anymore.

Is our disagreement merely a matter of semantics?

I wouldn't want to change who I am. I would like friends and a social life outside of family but I wouldn't swap the intelligence and interests in non-superficial issues. Like grahamguitarman, I was diagnosed later in life and for me it is far better than being NT with a personality disorder and anxiety problems which is what I could easily have been labelled with. I have had a good career and family so am a lot more fortunate than many people.

I'll stay aspie, I look at most NTs and how they act and wonder why I i'm suppost to want to be like that, why thats suppost to be better. Where autism gives it also takes somewhere else so it becomes very much a wash in the end, i'm just different, no better no worse. I get to see life in a way most people never will and thats a good thing I value. Being autistic is a harder life becouse NTs chose to make it that way, thats not a good enough reason to change and abandon who I am.

NT enough to function well but with autistic traits

Also I would love to be NT because I want to be part of a crowd. I want to be accepted by a small group of other people of my age, and not be classified as weird or quiet, and I would like to be able to speak up and be on their wavelength and not have any hidden odd ways about my personality what makes people slip away from me for reasons I don't quite understand.

My 19-year-old cousin is NT. He is quite a shy person, and lacks confidence with girls and his appearance, but he is not Aspie at all. He has gone to the pub a few times with my brother and his crowd, and he got along with some of his friends, and has somehow become good friends with one of my brother's friend's brother, and he had never met him before. A few months ago they went out together to London and did things. I've also been to the pub a few times with my brother too, but I never really made friends, as in get pally with them. They were nice enough, and I said a few words, but they could tell I was shy and socially awkward and I just could not create more of a depth of a friendship with anyone. So I gave up in the end and just feel pleased that I tried. Now my cousin doesn't go to the pub because he doesn't like drinking and he finds pubs a bit daunting, but at least he made a couple of friends there, and he does have his own little group of friends too, who are the friends he had in school and has still kept in touch with. All the people I knew at school hated me then, and I don't even see or hear from them now, and even if I did they probably wouldn't even bother to chat or catch up or anything.

I really don't like being this way. When I watch South Park, I often wish I was in a small group like the 4 boys are. I sometimes even picture myself as Stan. Nobody really rips on him much and he seems socially accepted in most episodes, and he's best friends with Kyle, although he also hangs around with Kenny and Cartman and sometimes Butters, and and has a girlfriend in the first 7 episodes. I wish I was like that (except I'm a girl and I like men). But I can't be. I was born a stupid socially awkward worthless bore, and I'll die a stupid socially awkward worthless bore.

My answer depends on my circumstances. When things are going well, I have an income that supports me, and I have enough solitude, I'd say AS without hesitation.

But when things are bad, like they are now, where I am consistently stressed out, have little solitude, little money, and little support from family/friends, I would choose NT.

I really want my life to get better because I don't want to want to change. I know I can be happy as I am, I just need to change my circumstances.

I like your original post in this thread - it covers so many bases and lays out the whole situation so well.

My honest answer is that I am happy with myself as I am, but would love to know what it feels like to have the social and emotional instincts that neurotypicals have. The older I get, the more I am learning - through reason - how social dynamics work; but I still can't imagine what others feel, or how it feels to just "get" social situations without the kind of analysis that I have to do to make sense of them.

Just today I was thinking about this topic, and realized that whereas others pick up on social stuff already from a young age and go with that understanding, I have instead had to rationalize everything that I've gone through in life so as to be able to say that I understand it. And even then, I realize that my understanding of it may be totally off. That's the part that saddens me: not getting situations, formulating a rational understanding of them, and then realizing that even after that, I still may be wrong.

I think I have huge deficits in understanding other people's aspirations and needs. I only understand what I see on the surface; so if someone is particularly good at masking their feelings, i will have ZERO clue about what's really going on. I do not like the vulnerable position that puts me in, or the fact that if I did get the other person, I may be able to be a better friend, companion, S/O, etc.

Only now in middle age are certain things making sense to me that I realize already made sense to my peers when they were twelve... That's quite a sad realization. I think of all the lost years and relationships that could have been. Or the ones that may have been forming, but that I dismissed or waved off because I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

But, ultimately, I accept myself just as I am, and make the best of the strengths that my type of mind gives me.