those three words

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whirlingmind
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27 Mar 2013, 7:20 am

MaKin wrote:

the whole "i love you" thing really bothers me. every guy i've been in a relationship with feels the need to continually remind me of their feelings. it must be an nt thing, as i've never had more than a platonic relationship with any aspie so far.
i don't get it that nt guys continually need reminding of my affection, either.

I don't think this is limited to NTs.

If I loved someone and they didn't tell me they loved me (although I don't need to hear it every waking moment) I would believe they didn't love me. This is the taking things literally part of me and also the fact/evidence based part of me. If they r-e-a-l-l-y showed me they loved me but didn't say it, I would think they probably did love me but I would find it odd that they didn't say it. I tell my children I love them on a regular basis. If I was with someone and didn't love them any more I wouldn't be bothered about them still saying they loved me as I wouldn't want to hear it anyway. If someone told me they loved me, but appeared to behave in the opposite way, I would not trust the words, I would be confused and think that something was going on that I didn't understand. I also think AS females would overall be more vulnerable to males who tell them they love them just to get them into bed, as they would be far more likely to believe it.

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qawer
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27 Mar 2013, 7:21 am

I think it's because NT people in general are more aware that the world changes. They know the love situation between the two persons involved could have changed. An AS person is probably more likely to think that things are the way (or should be the way) they have "always" been.

I think it has got to do with autistic persons natural desire for repetition...so AS people are perhaps less likely to see a reason why they should want to move on to another relationship if they have once decided they love some person. Why keep telling a person he/she is loved when the love situation is (or is preferred to be) on repeat?

On the other hand NT people need continual reassurance that the love situation has not changed, because they assume the other person acts according to their "current desire" (well, the opposite of repetition).

Mirror21
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27 Mar 2013, 9:35 am

auntblabby wrote:

briankelley wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

i always welcome the reminders

Me too, but at the same time I can tell when someone loves me or at least likes me. Now how about that? Having to go around and say "I like you" all the time? I can only imagine how that would go over with the people I like. They'd probably start getting creeped out :lol:

but even if it is not a main squeeze saying it, an occasional i love ya bro! or i love ya sis! is great

I agree I don't think its an NT thing cause I like terms of endearment.

whirlingmind
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27 Mar 2013, 9:49 am

...and the irony of it is, we often still like the things that we can't manage ourselves. E.g. I can monologue for England but I don't like anyone else monologuing at me. So even those of us who are bad at expressing emotions, doesn't necessarily mean we don't like having emotions expressed to us (although largely not in a full on OTT manner!)

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auntblabby
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