How Did You Get Married?

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I always dated but I struggled in my relationships, but I didn't know I was an aspie. I met my husband online as well as I see many others met their spouse online. I was playing the fishing game on gaiaonline.com and he entered my game and chat. We found out we shared the same faith and became friends. Soon though he left the game and said I ruined it because I taught him how to get money too easily. I was a little upset. He came back awhile later to see I was with someone else and he got jealous and he gave me his email. We started continuemessaging each other and even though he refused to call me or give me his name, eventually he gave me his number. We had a secret relationship over the phone and eventually he told his mom and they came out one summer a year later and we met. Our relationship was a bit rocky and he had some issues and I later after research found out he had aspergers and klinefelters and his parents didn't know. His mom is a bit aspie too. But i somehow managed to understand and relate to him when no one else could. We continued to see each other each year and talk online or by phone. I was involved in autism awareness communities online and got to be friends with lots of female aspies. A lot of people thought I had aspergers too which I didn't consider but I knew I had aspie traits. My dad is super aspie too. So after I found out female aspies are different from male ones and I bought aspergirls and safety skills for asperger women I finally understood myself. So I think if my husband And I never met we might have never known. Eventually he got officially diagnosed. He would come visit me for a whole month each year for 3 years and this year after a few small breakups and him having problems, he decided he did want to stsy with me and we love each other. We're best friends. We love photography, art, games, animals, and movies. He doesn't judge me or make me feel weird and hr can be himself around me and it just works. So he proposed to me and we got married this year march 23, 2013. We went to the courthouse and got our license together, i called the judges on the phone and picked one, made plans, i got a dress and stuff, he had a suit, my family is crafty so we put together mu tea party reception like I wanted. I didn't want a meltdown so I insisted on hardly any guests. So a few family and one friend came. We got married in my backyard garden and it was really quick and easy and the vows were basic Christian vows. We went inside, signed paperwork and ate cake and took pictures Smile and that's how it's done I guess. Now we can stim together forever I guess lol.

I don't mean to sound over dramatic but your story, ThilieChristine, is a beacon of hope and a shining light to all those bound in the dark chains of antisocial tendencies and awkwardness. I helps me believe that I can find someone to be with forever. Like a mentally disabled woman, I just wish I knew one. Or anyone disabled besides myself.

Against my will.

I had a beautiful girlfriend who laughed and/or smiled at everything I said and did.
I had known her since grade school, we started dating around 16 years old, and moved in together at 19.
She made all of our plans and took care of everything that needed taking care of in our home.
I was happy just to be around her; and when our plans included being someplace that made me unexplainably and irrationally uncomfortable for no apparent reason, I would hold close against her until things got better... and I always survived the experience, just like she said I would.
I had never heard of Asperger's Syndrome, and as far as I knew life was perfect.

It took a year or two for her to convince me that getting engaged was a good idea (Even though my own mother tried to talk her out of it by letting her know that I would never grow up, and that mom had been through it with my father who was "just like me" and it didn't last long, and it really wasn't a good idea).
It took the next 5 years of a happy engagement for my fiancé(who, for some reason got irritated that I still called her my girlfriend; a title that used to make her smile.) to convince me that being married was the next logical step, and that it wouldn't change anything between us, and that it was a good idea. Ok( to be accurate) she never really convinced me that it was a good idea. But, she did convince me that if we weren't getting married then she wouldn't be happy anymore, and she wouldn't keep living with me, and that would certainly change things between us.
So, we set a wedding date.

The way it happened was that I met him while I was at work at a store, we talked in the afternoon when he came by for a few days, flirted with each other, he asked for my number and I gave it to him and we talked on the phone and then went out. We started dating and hanging out with each other, fell in love, and then we got married.

There was no "pulling it off" to it. It's not a magic trick lol. It's two people falling in love with each other and deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. You can't just make it happen. It either does or it doesn't. The person is right for you or they aren't.

And no, he is NOT the main one who made it work. In fact, he is the main one who caused so many problems within the relationship over the years that I almost left him. He won't be honest, has cheated on me so many times I can't count from just a few years after we were married too, lies about things it's easier to tell the truth over, drinks way too much, has no work ethic, is so afraid of confrontation that he can't open his mouth to speak up and say "Boo!" if he had to unless he works himself up into a rage first so he can actually say what he feels, he isn't demonstrative or affectionate nor does he give the least bit of emotional support. So, no, it wasn't mainly him who made it work. He's spoiled, passive aggressive, and terrified of any kind of confrontation. I've had to work around that for 26 years and he doesn't want to change. I love him, and when you love somebody you let some things slide sometimes. It's up to each person.

I have social skills. It's not impossible for me to meet someone, talk, flirt, joke around, have a conversation, come up with interesting topics, know when to quit talking, etc. It doesn't come naturally to me, and I had to work very hard to learn it but I did in my teens, mainly because I had no idea here was a reason where it said in some book that I can't do those things. If I had known that then I imagine I wouldn't have been able to do anything because I would have been discouraged before I even tried. I have the ability to have and sustain a relationship and even work to fix a broken one. It may be harder for me, and much harder for me to learn, but I learned it.

While my marriage isn't perfect, not by any means, it's certainly not one where my husband has taken pity on me and I married him because he would actually put up with me. I don't play that. I am married because, just like every other one of us who got married, I met someone, fell in love, they fell in love, it worked, and we decided to get married. Same as every NT that gets married (except arranged marriages)

met them on the internet. the one gave me her number. it was that obvious. the 2nd one I chased but felt like it was going nowhere until she revealed she had feelings for me, it was nice to know someone liked me.

Same here. I was seriously considering joining a convent or a monastery where I wouldn't have to talk to anyone or practice hygiene LOL. I had just had a bad experience due to my naivete after I had just broken up with another guy. I assumed a male married friend was being respectful and helpful at that difficult time, but he wound up doing something to me that was very upsetting. That was the last straw! I swore off men and went to a gathering of people I knew where I could just be around people I knew were safe. That evening was when and where I met my now-husband. We dated and got married 3 years later on the date that we met and had our reception on the same rooftop where we met. I planned it through using Evite online and ordered Freshdirect (online ordering NYC food delivery service) for barbecue foods, condiments and soft drinks. I paid my friend's assistant $200 to work the barbecue. I bought a $500 white dress from a boutique (cheap for the occasion so I'm told), splurged on $200 shoes and got my makeup done for free at Sephora after I got my hair done. My husband's friend who is a professional photographer took photos for free. In lieu of gifts I had people chip in for the band who performed. My husband bought a case of wine. I ordered a wedding cake at a nearby bakery. My husband's lawyers (from his custody battle) referred us to a judge that performed our ceremony for free in a beautiful Courthouse. I would say that we spent under $3000 to get married (not including the rings). We had a nice honeymoon in New Zealand. It will be 6 years of marriage this coming June.

I pretty much gave up on dating at the time as well.

I met my wife when the library was moving buildings October two years ago, she was friends with my coworker's sister and I gave them a tour of the new building. From that point, she came in with my coworker's sister occasionally and eventually mid-december I was told that she wanted to ask me out. I decided to give it a try since I considered her pretty and also intelligent, so we set a date on January 2nd for Starbucks, and she didn't seem to even flinch when she found out I couldn't drive. I met her and she was wearing a bright lime green hoodie, a long mauve skirt, and a black beret, and boots, which I thought seemed kind of abnormal for a girl. The drive over to the next city was a bit awkward with both of us trying to make some small talk. We ordered our drinks and sat down and shared our interests and quickly both found we had common ground with an interest in animals, anime, and quite a few other things. We were both pretty excited by that point and I wanted to talk some more, so I suggested dinner at an Italian restaurant. We found out we both had a love for pizza and enjoyed the same combinations of toppings, and went about talking about our interests. At this point I felt a bit uncomfortable asking for more of her time, but I suggested we see a movie, as the "Voyage of the Dawntreader" had just came out. We arrived at the theatre and the next showing wasn't for another hour, so I suggested we do something to pass the time, and she had never gone bowling before. We had great fun, and I got the bumper lane so she would have a handicap since I was experienced. The movie was also wonderful, and we set a date for two weeks later.

It was definately a long and unusual first date, but we both enjoyed it. I didn't really understand how I felt about her, but it felt different, almost like I was with myself vs another person. We both agreed on this, and we were engaged a few short months later. We still feel pretty much like different facets of one another and work through our difficulties together. She does have problems with my sensory issues and clumsiness from time to time, but she encourages me to talk and meet people and it is much easier with her around. I often have problems with her anger at people and lack of keeping appointments, but I try to help her calm down as I calm down and make schedules and charts for her as I do for myself, but when it comes to finances it is pretty much like the blind leading the blind when I make a budget (I think we both have dyscalculia as she cannot do math in her head and I can only with great difficulty). So, it works out pretty well overall.

I got married in the same way people do generally. Met someone, started seeing them, got serious, got married. The difficulty is not always getting married, it's staying married. Perhaps my looks went in my favour in meeting someone, because I have never been proactive and I am very old fashioned in my views that it should always be the man who approaches the woman so otherwise I may not have met someone. Looks only get you so far though. They don't make a marriage successful, they don't mean you have married the right person, they don't help you with communication difficulties and failures in understanding.