Can you decode nonverbal in hindsight?

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Jensen
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14 Apr 2013, 2:34 pm

Hmm. I do know some of it.


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Robdemanc
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14 Apr 2013, 2:47 pm

Jayo wrote:
An example, I went up to a co-workers desk a couple of months ago and asked her if I could ask her a question, she said sure made it quick because she's got a call in 2 minutes. I rambled a bit and ask a follow-up question, not noticing that she appeared uneasy and kept glancing at her phone before she verbally reminded me - then I said "yes, sorry, I remember you said that - and I thought I saw you glancing at your phone -we can come back to this later."

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You are better than I am. You seem to have a delay in thinking what a non verbal meant by only seconds. But I only ever recall these things later when I am alone and have a think about it. And even when I have thought about it I am not sure if my conclusion is correct.

In your example, I would remember her eye movements to the phone at a later time but I would not be confident that it meant she wanted me to hurry up. I could just as easily think that she likes looking at her phone, or she had something in her eye, or she saw a fly buzzing near the phone, or she just didn't want to look at me in that instance....etc

I don't think I can reach a conclusion on what a lot of non verbals mean.



Marky9
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14 Apr 2013, 3:05 pm

Yep, happens all the time. Sometimes it is just moments too late; sometimes it is weeks or years. More unnerving is when I come to a reading of nonverbals in an encounter, either at the time or later, only to at an even later time come to a greater realization that I was wrong. This sort of thing can be quite crazy-making and, for me, lead to depression and anxiety.

At least for today, what works for me is to allow myself, as best as possible, to remember the lessons learned, and then to let go of it and get to a place of humble acceptance that such situations are just part of my personal experience of life. On good days I can sometimes rise above in this way; on other days I kick myself with feelings of self-hatred. Meh, whatev - all just part of the journey, I guess.