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Rattus
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14 Apr 2013, 6:01 am

I suspect it sounds like an odd thing to say but I really feel like how my dog (now deceased) used to react when I cried and how my parent's labrador does when I cry, which is panic and wanting to do something to make it stop but not knowing what the hell to do.


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Ganondox
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14 Apr 2013, 8:27 am

It pretty much always bothers me, but there is nothing I can do about it, which bothers me even more.

I am professionally diagnosed.


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animalcrackers
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14 Apr 2013, 9:35 am

kamiyu910 wrote:
(Please note if you were professionally diagnosed as well)


I was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist.

kamiyu910 wrote:
How do you feel when...Someone near you is upset and/or crying? Does it bother you at all?


I feel upset when I see other people who are upset -- I might feel like crying if I see another person crying (although usually not to the same degree as I would if they were my own feelings). I also often feel bewildered or curious because I don't know why the other person is upset or crying. Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I can't figure out what to do (this always happens when I see a stranger crying by themselves...I never know if I should approach them or not) -- when I was a kid I never knew what to do and I would just freeze. I always want to help the person who is upset and/or crying, and when I know I can't help I feel helpless.

kamiyu910 wrote:
The psychologist I saw said something that really bothers me, saying that people on the spectrum don't care if someone is crying. They'd be like, "Oh, someone is crying. Whatever." and go back to what they were doing. She seems to be under the impression that it is impossible for aspies to be effected at all by someone else being upset.


Her generalization is wrong, and probably based on the ignorant assumptions that people make about autistic people's behavior and non-verbals; Someone witnesses an autistic person not respond behaviorally to another person who is upset and/or crying, and assumes that the autistic person's lack of behavioral response = lack of concern for others or lack of emotional experience/capacity...or maybe they see an autistic person look at someone who is upset/crying and notice the autistic person's facial expression didn't change, and again they assume the reason the autistic person's expression didn't change is because the autistic person has no feelings or concern for others.


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planet_edith
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14 Apr 2013, 10:34 am

It usually doesn't bother me to see people upset, sometimes I like to watch scenes in movies where people are being empathetic, then I can copy them, i can get "into character" if ever somebody needs to be supported emotionally, Ive learnt so well to act like I care.

Other times if it's a sad situation and I know I'm supposed to be upset but I don't feel the feeling, I think about other things that do make me sad, like death and loss, then those feeling can come across and I don't look heartless.

I'm diagnosed



chlov
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14 Apr 2013, 12:49 pm

I am officially diagnosed.

I have a friend that cries a lot. When she cries I usually sit near her and do nothing if I know the reason she's crying for. If I don't know the reason I may ask "hey what's up", and then do nothing else.

I usually do not react if I see someone crying.



Panddora
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14 Apr 2013, 1:11 pm

I would feel I wanted to help and would ask if the person needed help whether I knew them or not.

I am professionally diagnosed.



AWESOMENESSFTW4444
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14 Apr 2013, 4:53 pm

It's hard for me.... Whenever anyone around me feels hurt I often don't show it much at all. Truth be told, I have a TON of empathy on the inside that I just don't know how to express. This is because a lot of what I want to say sounds so overused by everyone else (things like "I feel sorry for you", "that's too bad", "that sucks", "Sorry about your loss", ect...) thus I feel like saying something like that wouldn't sound very sincere.

I've gone to a lot of my special-ed teachers, my parents, and my therapist, but they all seemed to think this is perfectly normal and never really did anything about it.

A couple of my closest friends are the only people who understand this (which I guess is a good thing, but...) so I don't have to overthink too much when I'm around them.


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Einfari
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14 Apr 2013, 6:41 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
This is really situation-dependent for me. Would go something like this:

- If it is someone I don't know and they have people with them to support them, I don't pay much attention. It's not my business. I might find it annoying if they are being noisy and I'm trying to concentrate.
- If it is someone I don't know and they are all alone I will feel concerned. I may or may not ask if there's anything I can do, depending on whether I feel I could help, whether I feel safe doing so, etc. etc.
- If it is someone I know and I don't think it is serious, or it seems like attention-seeking, I'll find it annoying and would be very reluctant to try to help.
- If it is someone I know and it seems like a genuine issue, I will feel concerned. I will feel very awkward trying to help them but if they are alone I would attempt to do so.

Note this relates only to adults crying.

I'm professionally diagnosed with AS.


This basically sums it up for me. When I see someone that I care for crying, I want to help them, but I'm never sure how to act. I'm always afraid that my words will seem too trivial and condescending when I try to comfort them.



LilFlo
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15 Apr 2013, 10:59 am

I'm officially diagnosed.

Well, I feel some empathy but let's say I only help if it's someone I know and in a real issue. Attention seekers for example, no thanks. I don't really know how to help properly but I try to do my best. I know my words can be harsh, and also because of my past... I can't "stand" people complaining/crying for something that has a solution, so my words will feel like, vulgarly, a kick in the ass (while the majority needs sympathy) but still I managed to help close friends and they appreciated my different way of thinking/seeing life.

Otherwise about the other cases, it has been well summed up : annoying because of the noise, awkward, ...



scarp
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15 Apr 2013, 2:12 pm

It makes me feel panicked and uncomfortable because I usually have no idea what to do. If I can, I'll find a way to exit the situation. If not, I'll try to make them stop crying somehow -- although I'm not very good at that.

Usually I do my crying in private so as not to burden anyone else or embarrass myself.



webster
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15 Apr 2013, 2:56 pm

For me it depends, if I dont know them then I feel awkward trying to comfort them and if I do know them but someone else is comforting them then I dont feel like it's my problem.

I guess I feel bad for them but maybe not to the same level as an NT would. And it depends for what reason they are crying for, if it's for attention or because they are having a bad day then i'm not fussed but if it's because someone they know has died ect then I would feel sad.

I'm officially diagnosed.


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