Do you do this when around other people?

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But what if I don't want to be present? Of course I want to sometimes but I sort of like getting stuck in my own head (except for when I get really anxious and I feel trapped in my mind). Is that weird?



I do get stuck in my own head during one-on-one conversations as well though it's worse when I'm in a group of people.



I often try to make an effort to smalltalk even though I really don't like it. It doesn't really come naturally though. It's like I have to force myself to ask questions etc. Does that make sense?

I try not to but usually do it to some extent

I tell myself 'Focus!' but can easily drift off if I'm not that interested in the subject matter

I do it all the time when watching films and TV so don't really follow the plot properly so have to keep asking questions
about what's going on lol

I'm exactly the same way when I'm with a group of people. I'm like this even around close friends.. Especially when we go out somewhere to eat. I rarely contribute to the conversation unless it's about one of my interests.

I'm like this too, especially when there's several people around.

Just a follow-up question; what if the people are discussing a special interest of your? Do you ever fall out then? My thought is that we generally find normal chit-chat irrelevant and boring, so we think about what we find interesting instead.

Exactly the same for me.
I can sit at the computer for hours and yet I do so little, read and write so little, because I space out all the time, distract myself with my thoughts or get lost in daydreams. It also takes me a long time to formulate responses.
Just last week I exchanged PMs with a guy on another forum. Due to how it went he ended up sending me two PMs. I spent hours writing replies and sent them within seconds of each other. I had spent hours on them and was impatient to go search the actual forum and see what was new but I wanted to respond to him first. Just a few minutes later he had replied to both... How does he do it? It was actually frustrating and I ended up not responding because I had already spent so much time on them and I wanted to browse the forum and read and post there, so I put it off, and well, then I put it off again... Receiving replies so quickly and feeling a pressure to respond and preferably quickly is just so trying. I wanna do other stuff on the computer as well and I don't really have time or energy for that once I am through replying.
PS: Writing this post took me approximately 1 hour 45 minutes


It's not weird for us, I think. Some spectrumites wanna be present as much as they can, others among us are quite happy living in our own heads for much of the time. I wanna be present a bit with my loved ones so I don't lose precious moments with them but beyond that... meh.

It wouldn't make all that much difference to me if I was present or not (in terms of being quiet) anyway, because about 99% of the time I simply have nothing to say. I don't even mean that I have little to say, or that all I can come up with is just a simple response. I mean I have nothing to say. At all. Can't come up with a question, have no idea how to reply to something. Can't come up with anything to say to get anyone else going.
I don't understand how anyone can have so much to say, whether it's NTs going on and on about nothing, or aspies allegedly going on for hours about their special interest or an obsession (they're not the same thing, at least not for me). This was a little different for me when I was younger. I could go on about my favorite topics for a while (although I didn't tend to talk about them for long, I just mentioned them often), but I preferred to be on my own and either read or think about it, or look at something related to it (depending on the topic). Somehow along the way I lost the will to share it at all.


I know this question wasn't for me, but I'll answer it just the same.
I don't think people around me have ever discussed my special interest, but I don't know how much difference it would make. I would be more motivated to stay focused on the present, but I'm interested in staying focused when I watch or listen to anything about it too, and I still manage to get lost during programs about it. It might not happen quite as quickly but it happens. Maybe something said make me think of something starting a chain reaction in my mind, or maybe there is too much info too quickly so I need to process it (which will lead me to miss out on what is said in the meantime). Or maybe I have an emotional reaction that makes me miss out. Or maybe I just can't keep myself from thinking about it. So, it'd help, but it wouldn't be a sure thing.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 15 Apr 2013, 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If they were discussing a special interest of mine I'd be more motivated to not "zone out" and get stuck in my own head. I'd definitely talk more. Sometimes too much but I generally know when to stop (though I often start talking about it again after a while). It depends on what mood I'm in though. If anxious or depressed or overwhelmed I don't even care if they're talking about my special interest. Then I just want to be left alone (which I want most of the time anyway). Do you know what I mean?

Hahaha...SO like me! I can't tell you how often this happens to me because something in the film reminded me of something else, and then off I go. I've gotten to the point where I'm worthless in movie theatres because I lose track of what's happening in the film, and there's no rewind button there.

The OP's post describes me perfectly. For years now I've though to myself, I contribute almost nothing to any social discussion. My mind wanders off and I'm thinking of other things even as people are speaking words to me. Sometimes I try to switch attention back on and I say something, to be told that I've just mentioned something that was said a few minutes ago, then I feel a bit stupid.

I was like it in school, some lessons I heard hardly a word.

I thought that this was more of an ADD thing than an AS thing.

In my case, it's not that I'm not interested in what people/friends say, I have to look around during a conversation otherwise I can't concentrate at all. It's my way of functioning. The ones who know I have AS don't find it strange anymore but some others are always surprised and sometimes frustrated, some dare asking me "why do you look around all the time ? are you bored ? do I bother you ?" etc... so then I have to explain how I function, why I do this. They understand or not, their problem...

In the case I get lost into my thoughts, it doesn't mean I'm bored or not interested either, it just helps me to relax and avoid being overloaded, especially if it's a group discussion.

If im in a group of people that im really comfortable with then I dont have a problem talking with them all, but it can take me a long time to get to a stage where I feel comfortable.

I frequently fall out of communication when I am with more than 3 people. My friends have gotten used to having to explain to me afterwards, if they want my opinion.
They now, that I am "incurable":lol:

Had to go to quite a few business meetings where I just end up literally saying nothing and let everyone else talk. It's been quite embarrassing at times but once at the end of a meeting the customer said something along the lines of 'I like this one (pointing at me), the one who holds the power is the one who says little and thinks a lot' and in a flash I was this deep thinking powerful businessman.

I actually just didn't want to be there and was daydreaming but hey, you take your compliments where you can get them!

I did jury duty a couple of weeks ago and considered asking to be excused on that grounds. I really did wonder if it was fair to the legal system to stay, knowing how drifty I can be, but I didn't want to go back to work just yet so I stuck it out. Fortunately I didn't get picked for a trial so I just sat in the room and read a book for two days.

I can follow movies, but don't give me a pop-quiz after.

Is all this aspie-ish, - or plain and simple lack of concentration? I am asking, because it has always been an issue for me ever since primary school, - and i have never been able to solve it. People get frustrated.

I am the opposite with going to the cinema!

Never been a big fan of films or TV as it takes too much concentration, my mrs used to get really annoyed how I would be watching something, would tell her I was enjoying it then 10 minutes later she would find me in another room doing something else while the film was still running. I used to just lose interest as I had been struggling to concentrate. My brother used to laugh at me a lot as the only way I would watch a film is in 20-30 minute bursts, used to end up seeing it over the course of a week.

Discovered the cinema about 4 months ago and now I go on my own every single week without fail. I just love it. I found I was in a situation where my concentration was almost demanded and I had no choice, when I get to the end and realise I watched a whole film it feels quite rewarding.

The lack of focus is either an ADD thing or just plain being bored. AS things are more not knowing what to say. I do both but I refuse to talk to people where the second thing happens so it's not an issue anymore.