Have you ever overestimated how much people 'like' you?

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whirlingmind
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26 Apr 2013, 7:50 pm

Biscuitman wrote:

I am getting married in 2 months. Asked someone to be my best man, he has stopped answering the phone to me and responding to text messages

:oops:

That sounds like he's panicking at the responsibility (speech and all that) rather than not liking you.

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Nonperson
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26 Apr 2013, 8:15 pm

tjr1243 wrote:

I have. For example, I've replied to online dating ads, thinking my response was heartfelt and understanding....nonjudgmental, like geez, the person will look at this and think 'Here's someone who won't judge'. Usually, the person had some flaw or low self-esteem.

No response.

I'm thinking, I must telegraph some sign of lack of empathy from the outset. There must be some signal I'm emitting that gives a red flag to NTs, or anyone else that is good at reading people.

What about you? Have you ever thought you made a good impression or that someone liked you, only to find out that they didn't?

Maybe it's because they could tell from your response that you considered them insecure/flawed and were insulted?

In answer to your question, I did when I was young and didn't know better, but these days I don't take for granted that *anyone* likes me - not even my oldest friends (or "friends", as the case may be).

MjrMajorMajor
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26 Apr 2013, 8:45 pm

I can never tell what someone's true opinion of me is. If they have stuck around or stood by me for any length of time, then I feel more comfortable thinking they do like me. On rare occasions, I run into people who just spell it out one way or another. Whether they like me or not, I really value that they're speaking my language.

jk1
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26 Apr 2013, 9:14 pm

alakazaam wrote:

Highlander852456 wrote:

NO, because when someone is nice to me first thing I wonder if they are brain damaged.

Hahahaha I actually laughed at this, not in a hurtful way toward you. I feel the same way

Me, too. I got so used to not being liked that I automatically think that when someone seems to like me.

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26 Apr 2013, 9:16 pm

scarp wrote:

puddingmouse wrote:

I'm terrified of overestimating how much people like me. I try to deliberately underestimate it to avoid this disappointment.

You've perfectly described my feelings on the topic. I've made the mistake of thinking people like me too much in the past and it only ever ended in me feeling stupid and hurt. Now I'm extremely skeptical about people who seem to like me. It's safer to hope for the best while assuming the worst.

Exactly. Nowadays that's my automatic response.

jk1
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26 Apr 2013, 9:25 pm

whirlingmind wrote:

Biscuitman wrote:

I am getting married in 2 months. Asked someone to be my best man, he has stopped answering the phone to me and responding to text messages

:oops:

That sounds like he's panicking at the responsibility (speech and all that) rather than not liking you.

Good point, whirlingmind. Something like being someone's best man must be very stressful (at least for some people). I could never do anything like that. Not that I think anyone would ask me to.

But I can still understand the hurt Biscuitman must be feeling. It's natural to assume the worst when it's a personal matter like that. I hope he will eventually respond and tell you why he hasn't been responding.

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26 Apr 2013, 9:30 pm

yes I have and been hurt and burned and punished for it too.

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catwhisperer
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26 Apr 2013, 9:35 pm

Yes!! All the time!!

I think I finally reached a point where I don't trust anyone until some undetermined point. And when I get to that point....maybe I can start trusting again. But at this point I've been so burned so many times....

Ahaseurus2000
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27 Apr 2013, 5:37 am

Occasionally. More often I underestimate how much people appreciate me when they do

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whirlingmind
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27 Apr 2013, 6:20 am

I think what some people are talking about here, might be when some nasty NT actually pretended to be their friend/like them deliberately for the purpose of using/ridiculing/hurting them. That's being a victim of vindictiveness rather than an Aspie coming to the wrong conclusion about someone for no real reason.

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Bifford
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27 Apr 2013, 7:12 am

Sometimes, people will stop me and point on how rude I just behaved, and I'll plead ignorance and lack of malice. But generally, I tend to be the opposite: I tend to think people dislike me more than they actually do, that they are more unforgiving than they actually. I'm paranoid, I guess.

XFilesGeek
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27 Apr 2013, 8:16 am

Not really.

I tend to assume no one likes me, so I'm rarely disappointed.

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scarp
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27 Apr 2013, 9:24 am

jk1 wrote:

alakazaam wrote:

Highlander852456 wrote:

NO, because when someone is nice to me first thing I wonder if they are brain damaged.

Hahahaha I actually laughed at this, not in a hurtful way toward you. I feel the same way

Me, too. I got so used to not being liked that I automatically think that when someone seems to like me.

On this note, I think it's worth pointing out that there have been some cases where one person in particular -- invariably a nice, well-meaning girl -- will get really, really attached and obsessed with me. And not in the "motherly" (and somewhat patronizing) way that some otherwise well-adjusted girls do, but in an almost fetishistic embrace. I won't go into detail, but anyone who has ever been stalked knows what I mean.

So in some cases, it really is prudent to be wary of people who get too easily attached.

tall-p
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27 Apr 2013, 7:12 pm

I haven't met anyone in the last seven years, since I moved here. Getting old for me is like slowly going invisible.

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The_Walrus
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27 Apr 2013, 7:45 pm

Biscuitman wrote:

I am getting married in 2 months. Asked someone to be my best man, he has stopped answering the phone to me and responding to text messages

:oops:

Better that the best man reject you than the bride! :thumright:

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27 Apr 2013, 10:43 pm

Normally with me it's other people doing the overestimating.
They'll be like "We are bestest friends!" and I'll just be going "But I barely know you, please to back off a little?".

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