My children have Autism...

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Joined: 11 Apr 2013
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01 May 2013, 3:07 am

Maybe no one was trying to be condescending . sometimes i take things wrong. i appoligize. I just want what's best for everyone and for new posters to feel accepted here.

briankelley
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01 May 2013, 3:12 am

HaySkyNat wrote:

I am yet to be tested.

It's a good idea to talk about it here. However, like with someone trying to find out if they have, let's say type 2 diabetes, researching it on the internet and talking to people in a forum, won't tell you if you for sure if you have it or not.

As a suggestion, you might want to get a hold of exiting elementary school records they might have of you. Especially any of your teacher's comments regarding your behavior traits in general. Whoever tests you would probably find these of value in making an assessment.

briankelley
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01 May 2013, 3:20 am

mikassyna wrote:

Greb wrote:

Holy sh*t, is that bad in US? Sometimes it sounds like a horror movie.

I don't thnk it's that bad. At least not anymore.

The only way it's affected me so far, is that I'm barred from performing jury duty due to my significant ADHD.

briankelley
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01 May 2013, 3:32 am

DVCal wrote:

FYI though if you do get diagnosed, tell no one, Not even family, true some could take it well, but some could take it badly and constantly hold it against you. Don't want to risk it.

I found it better for them to know I have autism, than it was for them to continue wondering about and worrying about far worse things about me. Maybe you're able to pull off no one wondering what's wrong with you. But I think most of us get wondered about behind our backs. And if we had to choose between picking what they are incorrectly suspicious of, or autism, we'd pick autism hands down. I actually had a couple of relatives apologize to me. I hate to think of what they were thinking about me before I told them the truth. I don't think things like this should be left up to fertile imaginations.

What's the old saying, "if you look for the worst in someone, you'll surely find it"? i.e. make stuff up about them.

Anomiel
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01 May 2013, 6:03 am

briankelley wrote:

I actually had a couple of relatives apologize to me. I hate to think of what they were thinking about me before I told them the truth.

A very mean half-aunt (that ironically has at least 2 undiagnosed disorders herself) was positively gleeful when she found out. But then again she was happy and gossipy when I was diagnosed with depression too, :huh:

so it's not limited to autism. The stigma and shaming can happen with any diagnosis...
But hopefully most people at least try to be good people around their own relatives and it's better if they know why we're like we are

League_Girl
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01 May 2013, 10:17 am

DVCal wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Greb wrote:

BuyerBeware wrote:

Have you been watching the news, honey??

DO NOT GET TESTED.

I only skimmed your post, but you sound pretty mildly affected. There really isn't much help out there for you. A self-diagnosis will give you as much validation as a professional one.

ESPECIALLY as a mother, before you go and get yourself a diagnosis, PLEASE read some of the horror stories here. Consider the effect of stigma and marginalization on your family. Consider the possibility of not being able to find/hold work if they succeed in rolling your HIPPA rights back. Consider not being able to advocate for your children because no one will take you seriously because you are "ret*d" too.

Please, for your kids' sake, be very very careful.

Holy sh*t, is that bad in US? Sometimes it sounds like a horror movie.

It sounds strange that precisely in US the gouvernement can interfere that much in citizen's lives...

She only speaks from experience. It was never that bad for me and one of my aspie friends online who lives in Ohio never had it bad. He's told everyone he knows he has it and never experienced anything bad except for one aspie online who gave him a hard time for not being offended about Mozart and the Whale and telling him he isn't an aspie if he went to a wrestling match.

If you're diagnosed, no one is going to know unless you tell them or someone else does who knows you have it. Our medical records are kept private and even employment can't access them but that doesn't apply to the government when you want to join the army or something. Only we can disclose our diagnoses to our work.

For some people things are already bad even without a diagnoses or no one knowing they have it because their condition effects them that much or they are in the wrong environment, and things are still bad even with a diagnoses and people knowing about it but it has no effect on how they are treated. Sometimes things do change in a bad way after a diagnoses because your partner thinks it's just a excuse and thinks you use it as such or people treat you different like you are slow or incompetent after you tell them you have it but the same thing can happen without a dx too after you tell them you have it after you self diagnose or suspect you may have it.

But in the states, our disabilities and diagnoses are kept private and not disclosed to other people. So if we apply for work, they are not going to find out about it but with the internet now, they may if you are not careful if you know what I mean.

Actually not even the Military has access to your Medical records unless you sign them over to the Military, and they are forbidden to ask you to sign over such documents.

Is that something new?

Lot of people get rejected when they have disabilities or health problems or are on medication and if you don't have a diagnoses, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't even take my brother either.

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

DVCal
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01 May 2013, 10:31 am

League_Girl wrote:

DVCal wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Greb wrote:

BuyerBeware wrote:

Holy sh*t, is that bad in US? Sometimes it sounds like a horror movie.

It sounds strange that precisely in US the gouvernement can interfere that much in citizen's lives...

Actually not even the Military has access to your Medical records unless you sign them over to the Military, and they are forbidden to ask you to sign over such documents.

They can ask you if you have any medical condition you would like to disclose or any medication you are on, but you are not under any legal obligation to disclose.

The_Walrus
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01 May 2013, 1:22 pm

DVCal wrote:

FYI though if you do get diagnosed, tell no one, Not even family, true some could take it well, but some could take it badly and constantly hold it against you. Don't want to risk it.

I think this is quite paranoid, maybe not as much so as BuyerBeware. I think most people will take it well, certainly from experience.

HaySkyNat
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01 May 2013, 9:39 pm

Thankyou everyone, I am from Australia if that helps. I am busy at the moment but I will try and come back on here either later tonight or tomorrow at some stage.

BuyerBeware
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02 May 2013, 4:45 am

You know, I used to think that too. That thinking that way was paranoid.

I based my life on thinking that was paranoid, and trying not to be paranoid.

I was really happy. I liked getting up in the morning, and generally was glad to be alive.

The problem was that I kept getting tripped up by people who didn't see it that way. I kept running into people who dismissed what I had to say, assumed I must be a monster, whatever.

I'm glad for you if you can think it's paranoid based on your experience. Your paranoia is my realism; others need to be aware of that too. Folks entering the woods will probably never meet a rattlesnake; however, the possibility is strong enough that it pays to wear heavy boots, keep your ears open, and watch your footing.

You seem to be lucky (or I am very unlucky). Stay in the cultural pocket you are in-- obviously you have found a good place. Are there jobs for HVAC engineers in your cultural pocket?? I might like to move there some day-- maybe I'll have a chance to drop the paranoia and be happy again.

The OP realistically might be in such a cultural pocket too, in which case there might be some good to come of seeking diagnosis and help.

Not being in the US probably helps. From my experience, even if you are in the US, being somewhere in the middle of the country probably helps. Eastern Seaboard states and Appalachia are bad places to be anything less than perfectly standard. When I was living west of the Mississippi, the state of professional help was terrible (for mental health in general, actually) but society in general seemed to be much more tolerant.

Don't know what the culture is like in Australia. That's Tony Attwood's home turf it think, so it might be safer.

While I realize that "honey" can be diminutive or dismissive, it is not meant to be a term of condescension in my case. Where I'm from, it's a generic mild endearment often used to express friendliness or to soften harsh words or advice, especially when dealing with a relative stranger.

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HaySkyNat
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06 May 2013, 2:40 am

Something else I forgot to add...

When I was a child, I didn't really play as such. I mean, I copied other children but I failed to think for myself (eg if my cousin wanted to pretend to be a dog I just copied what she did rather than think of what a dog would be like) if I was given a toy for example I wouldn't really play with it, I would just kind of see how it was put together..eg if I was given toy cars I would just like to spin the wheels (I still like doing this now adn I'm 30 lol) and I would sort of "investigatate" the toy..I did line things up a lot too but I don't really do it as much these days. I guess as a kid I did it because it gave me a sense of power or something.

I've done a few of those online quizes to find out if I am indeed on the spectrum, they all give me high scores....I know it's only the internet though...

DVCal
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06 May 2013, 3:24 am

The_Walrus wrote:

DVCal wrote:

FYI though if you do get diagnosed, tell no one, Not even family, true some could take it well, but some could take it badly and constantly hold it against you. Don't want to risk it.

I think this is quite paranoid, maybe not as much so as BuyerBeware. I think most people will take it well, certainly from experience.

They might think they are taking it well, they might even tell you so, but sub consciously they will likely treat you different, treat you as if something is terribly wrong with you.

Ettina
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06 May 2013, 4:33 pm

Quote:

They might think they are taking it well, they might even tell you so, but sub consciously they will likely treat you different, treat you as if something is terribly wrong with you.

I've gotten that from a few people, but most of the time people I tell my diagnosis to treat me better, because now they know how I need to be treated. For example, they stop mistaking overload for anxiety.

glider18
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13 Jun 2013, 10:23 pm

I haven't kept my diagnosis of Asperger's a secret from anyone. I haven't had any negative effects from being open about it, and the people around me have treated me the same as they did before they knew I had Asperger's. Most people where I live view autistic people as intelligent individuals with interesting/ eccentric qualities. And the same thing goes for my youngest son who was also diagnosed with Asperger's.

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