I thought I didn't need a diagnosis or treatment - WRONG!

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There's a huge difference between casual marijuana use, and being permanently stoned. I don't smoke anymore for family reasons, but I find Holy Basil effective enough. When I was on prescriptions, I couldn't function well enough to work, and the side effects were atrocious. I'd rather deal with some alternative means to cope, and still be able to function at a reasonable level. The only time I would reconsider is if I became suicidal again. It's about weighing pros and cons, not putting blind faith in a degree or PSAs.

This is pretty much my experience with today's psychiatrists. They want to give you drugs, THEIR drugs, and they want you to come back... to talk about how you liked them, and to tweak what they have given you. It is never-ending. They are like vampires, and will feed off you forEVER. But hey... Im just a grumpy old man.

@noetic I did not demand a specific diagnosis. I demanded treatment. I know beyond any reasonable doubt my diagnosis. If a therapist wants to confirm it before providing treatment based on it, I'm okay with that. I'd love that, in fact. I'm okay with self-medicating, too. I'm actually really good at self medicating. I've treated almost every illness I've ever had on my own, unless it required strong anti-biotics. My cannabis use is not a problem. Had I posted about my need for coffee to psychologically deal with my coworkers (which IS an addiction), you would have said nothing, because it's just coffee. This is just occasional recreational use and consistent self-medication.

If I had a cannabis problem, and not a therapist problem, I'd be at home smoking weed right now instead of discussing this with you. As it stands, I haven't smoked weed in three days.

For my therapist to ignore that and all my requests is not okay.

Furthermore: While there might be a valid argument for cannabis causing anxiety and depression in some individuals, it does not cause sensory issues. It does not cause difficulty in social situations (quite the opposite). It does not retroactively cause you difficulties in school years before you even know that it existed. It does not make people bully you for being weird. It does not cause these fluorescent bulbs to flash on and off sixty times every second. It does not cause every social interaction I endeavor to attempt to be a minefield of missed cues and bad triggers. Cannabis is not responsible for the fact I can't cope at large social functions as required by my job. Cannabis did not require me to be removed from several of my classes and be forced to self-teach myself these subjects in an empty detention room. Cannabis is not the reason high-pitched sounds have always and continue to bring me to me knees in excruciating agony. Cannabis is not the reason the only real relationship or friendship I can maintain is with my dog.

I am letting her do her job. Her job is to be the assembly line psychologist for our region. She may be a very good doctor. But if she ignores everything I tell her and jumps straight to drugs despite the first thing I tell her being that I don't want to start a drug regimen, she's obviously not the doctor for me.
TL;DR:
I want therapy. I want to fix the problems I can. I want to learn to deal with the ones I cant. Only if those things fail do I want to have to start relying on a medication. Don't deride and insult me again. This is supposed to be a place where we can come for support, understanding, and community with people like us.

It is not where I come to be insulted when I'm looking for help.

smh

@ Everyone else Thanks, and I'll keep you posted. I'm in a much better place this morning, and I think I've got the beginning of a plan formed. I haven't decided whether I'm going to return to that doctor and talk to her and see if she can't help me find the right professional, or If I should just avoid all that and cancel the appointment. I may have to miss that appointment due to travel as a result of the aforementioned crisis, anyway.

@MrMajorMajor If I find a doctor I think I can trust, I'll hand her a great big ole tub of blind faith. I just wont walk in with the blind faith.

@1401b You stole a chuckle from me when I read that last night. Thanks.

I agree with Donkeybuster's suggestion that you find the doctor you want, and ask for a referral to that doctor.

The reason I suggested the Autism Society is that they (generally) are a good source of information for services available in areas where they have local chapters - and they have them all over Texas. Google search results for link>Autism Society of Texas <link

You can search the ASA local site for doctors/therapists, and if you call or email, they *might* be able to tell you which ones have experience with adults, rather than those whose focus is early intervention.

As to the meds: I understand what you are saying about your immediate situation - family crisis, no one to help with transport, etc - making starting them right now an issue, but please don't outright refuse them. To my knowledge, there are two ways to address depression - training the person to avoid depressed thought processes, or meds. Most shrinks will want to use both methods at the same time. Unless you choose an inpatient option for 2 - 4 weeks, retraining you mind to avoid negative thoughts takes a LOT longer to start working than the meds do. This is probably why she went to prescriptions immediately - it may take months for a once a week visit to make progress through therapy alone, while the meds can make a difference in a much shorter time, preventing a crisis situation while she works on the other method.

Good luck.

You could try going to a doctor who cannot prescribe medication, such as a regular psychologist or an LPC. I live in Texas, too, and I think that we have many LPCs. I know we do in my area. It's become a popular job here. They may not be able to diagnose use with Autism or Aspergers (especially the LPCs), but they can offer you the treatment/counseling that you want and will be unable to make you take medication even if they think you should.

I do know a bit about the depression end of things - one of my wife's biggest issues is chronic severe depressive disorder. She needs her meds AND her regular therapist sessions - and it has to be a therapist she trusts, because you can't just spill your guts on things like this to just anybody, especially when you also have a certain amount of social anxiety disorder going on.

Her medical doctor isn't always terribly helpful either - when her current prescription collective for her various issues (also to include fibromyalgia, which I had to help diagnose because her then-doctor wanted to blame all her problems, including Type 1 diabetes, on her weight) began to be less effective, her doctor's immediate response was to simply increase all her dosage levels, rather than seeing if something else might work better now.

However, the point is that if you have depression, you need to take medication for it. It's treatable. And the pot isn't going to help with depression, or with the anxiety that might stem from that - it helps with other forms of anxiety, but if you're anxious because of something relating to the depression, pot will only help while you're stoned. The side effects of the psych meds should lessen after a week or so, though - and if they don't, you should stop taking them and tell your doctor soonest. Not everyone reacts the same way to every medication; Wellbutrin turns her into a zombie, while it helps my roommate manage his PTSD issues better. Therefore it's good for him, but contraindicated for her.

And there are no medications that affect autism. It's neurological in nature, not neurochemical, and rebalancing your neurochemistry won't make you less autistic.

Oh, one final note - if you have chronic depression, do not use St. John's wort. It's a popular herbal treatment for depression - but it functions by increasing serotonin reuptake. Serotonin production is lower in people with chronic depression, though (that's why selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, tend to be effective), and while the increase in serotonin reuptake might make you feel better for a few minutes, you'll crash - hard - when your serotonin supplies run out. It's a "cure" that's worse than the disease.

@DeaconBlues I have only skinned your post, because I'm on mobile but two things jumped out at me that I want to address right away.

-I have no desire to be 'less autistic'. I came to terms with who I was and who I might be later years ago. I was not mistaken on that. I was mistaken on my ability to deal with it alone.

- I don't think I've got an anxiety disorder. I think my anxiety just results from things that make me anxious. I can't stim at work, and I have zero organizational control over my home. I've only ever have what I've defined as an anxiety attack immidiatley after those work socials, which could be defined like a rock concert in a bedroom, and my days are a cycle of overstimulation/understimulation. When I talk about dealing with anxiety, I'm talking about the day to day anxiety that comes from dealing with my differences and incompetencies in a wholey NT world.

I think it's possible the depression comes from that as well. Of this, I cannot be sure.

I'll come back later and read all the posts in more depth. Work calls.

You know what man, f**k anyone who tells you you're wrong in how you decide to medicate yourself. f**k anyone who talks s**t to you and say dope kills your brain. I got simple words for them, I got a security clearance writing contracts for the air force... Tell me again how it killed my brain, you f*****g as*hole. You probably never smoked once and always had a good life with both parents who treated you real nice. Some of us lived in hell and learned to dwell in it as peacefully as possible. You know what I dont do when I smoke pot? I dont beat my wife, or drive a car into someone/thier car killing them. I dont start fights or get angry. I just calm the f**k down and stop being anxious.

Im happy you can get by on your pills, they dont really help me. Not too mention, I have fractures in my neck back in knees. Guess what, pot works better than the methadone etodolac and cyclobenzaprine prescriptions I have from the va. Go ahead and look what those f*****g pills get prescribed for. And then tell me how a f*****g plant works better...

And yeah, I know I dont have to swear, but I choose to be vulgar to those who attack others seeking help... f**k you piece of s**t.

First step: Try autism experts on "Justanswer". It is cheap, and they are competent people, who might provide you with advice on where to go and whom to contact.
There are Asperger societies, where you may also get some advice.
Good luck.