Question for girls - lying

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Carrie is the character in a Stephen King book called 'Carrie", oddly enough.
She was a misfit, on a very dysfunctional relationship with her Mother, kind of messed up. Bullied and rejected at school. Liked a boy. He asked her to the prom, she was thrilled. She got named prom queen, and he, king. His cheerleader girl friend set it up. Then while on stage, his girlfriend and her friends pulled a rope which instead of rose petals, dumped a pigs blood on her. Carrie then lost it and used her psychokinesis to kill everyone, I think.

Is that right?

So, the point is, pretending to be nice in order to crush someone.


Women use the 'woman's prerogative' line when they don't want to explain themselves, for whatever reason (including they don't have a good excuse, or they don't want to hurt you with the truth- maybe she got a better offer, or they simply don't care what you think so they could not be bothered.)

It was just rudeness, and some of us don't ever do it. I never stand people up, and I don't lie.
I will cancel though, if I can get away with it.

Why is this being painted as a woman thing?

If I was to meet someone but decided to change my mind, I always text or phone to let them know that I won't be coming. However, if I am meeting someone, I don't normally change my mind unless something else popped up where I had to say that I really cannot make it. But if I do just change my mind of my own doing, I wouldn't just blankly say ''I'm not meeting you because I've changed my mind''. I'd probably make up an excuse, like ''sorry, I won't be able to meet you today, I am not very well'' or another reason that sounds genuine. But if I can't make it I always feel really guilty when having to phone or text to say I can't make it.

It's rare that I would just forget to meet somebody. If I arrange with someone to meet them, I look forward to it and so the date stays in my head, or I'll write on the calender if I have too many other dates to remember. But I usually do just remember, because I look at dates as ''next Thursday'' or whatever, not the actual date, unless it is April and we've arranged a date for July. But if it's Wednesday and we arrange a day for the following Tuesday, I can always remember that and so I never forget. If I do somehow forget and they phone me and ask me why I haven't turned up, I always feel really guilty and I apologise to them with great honour.

How is that lying unless that was the plan all along? If they just decide they don't want to show up and then don't and go off and do something else instead, that's being rude, it's not lying. If they just told you at the beginning that they would be there and had absolutely no intention of being there, then that is lying.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Well, maybe they did change their mind about going, but that doesn't excuse them from common decency. There's a thing called good manners they seem to have forgotten about.

If they decided not to go, they should have let you know as soon as possible, rather than leave you standing there. I am assuming it was agreed upon beforehand and not some sort of miscommunication, which would be different.

I'm NT so I hope it is OK that I replied.

Verdandi; I think you missed the point of the question.

I was wondering two things; If girls changing their mind is normal practice, and if Aspie girls do the same.

Whether it's called an excuse or a lie, I don't really care.

The first girl lied so often about everything it drove me crazy. Without notice and without apology she'd simply be somewhere else when we were supposed to be together, doing whatever. I wasted a lot of money on tickets and bookings because she just didn't show up.
The second girl was better. She swore she hated liars and always meant what she said. Most of the time she was good, but when she got upset about something it was like unleashing hell. Then she'd have me organise events, bookings and the like, only to change her mind on time, date or venue, or cancelling at the last minute).

Both were unrepentant at the cost, inconvenience, insult, or wasted time on my part. The whole event didn't happen, and they refused to even accept their responsibility in the matter.


Example: I once organised a house warming party for my new house. I was excited and wanted to celebrate with my friends. I invited 12 friends plus their partners. I cleaned the house, bought alcohol, organised food and music. Some didn't reply, but 9 said they'd be there; only 3 turned up. Wasn't much of a party.

I feel like a fool for trusting them.

My out of the box answer ...

I think in generally this is a way of showing status. If you always come on the right time, never later or anything it looks like you have no life apart the date or whatever it is.
It's common to not show up or much later. You always need to take something with you if someone asking you out or anythign else. A book, music, laptop, etc etc

try to never waste time and don't bother much, however, you always can make the comment on this behaviour if you think it's worth it.