Anyone else think they would “outgrow” their social issues?

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I outgrew some things like not wanting to eat in front of other people but overall there were probably a lot of things I never outgrew.

I premise that I have an early diagnosis.

I've had therapy sessions for social skills, but I've barely learned something from therapy.
It's difficult for me to learn something that is taught by somebody else.

It's not that bad actually.
I don't have social anxiety, I'm not shy and I haven't been bullied, also social issues are not the part of my AS that makes me suffer, at all (sensority issues are the real pain for me).
I just didn't care.
I remember having my first friend when I was 8-9, and never feeling lonely before that time.
I passed all my middle school years without friends and never felt bad because of it

I didn't ever try to understand the reason of my behaviour, because I don't try to explain these things.
I only found out I had AS because my mother told me when I was almost 14. I had never heard about Asperger's before that time.

I don't think I've outgrown few symptoms.
Maybe I learned to go and buy things in stores. I couldn't before the age of 12.
I've also learned to deal with people that came to my house to pass time with my parents.
I've learned to greet people when I meet them, also.

But I've acted on instinct in social situations before, I still do and I always will, I think.
So this is not a big issue.

I knew I was different socially and thought that I would eventually adjust and fit the norm until I was diagnosed at 23. It was hard to admit that I would never quite fit in, but I have gotten to the point where I am ok with that. That was a bit of a mourning process when I was diagnosed because before then I had no idea what AS is and I had to accept that some of my functional problems are permanent even if they can be coped with or worked around to a degree. Actually it has given me the freedom to find coping mechanisms and work arounds instead of hitting it strait on trying to do things the "normal" way.

It has helped that if the situation warrants it and I am doing something odd to the point it is brought up repeatedly I can say I have AS and explain what it means (you have to explain it or people do not get it0. This reassures people I am not being intentionally rude, or that I am unstable, etc.

I didn't see others as idiots and still don't. It seems to me that when people insult another's intelligence, that they're expressing contemptuous disagreement and not offering any kind of objective judgment of their intelligence. I find it difficult to see what makes someone more or less intelligent than another person. I do see that often people have aptitudes that are clearly ahead of others, but it seems like everyone has something. Also, it often seems that people refer to intelligence as a matter of merit as if one chooses it, rather than a matter of neurology and environment that one had little control over.

The way I faked normal was when I learned that "other people do this particular thing like "X"" and I would try to do it more that way - not because I specifically wanted to be like other people, but because I appreciate being able to get along with other people. However, the weight of such considerations over time because excruciatingly difficult to manage, and I had to drop most of it.

I assumed most people were like me but for some reason were better able to deal with everything than I was, which led me to thinking that I could just try harder and function like other people. This resulted in multiple burnouts.

I wasn't aware of my diagnosis as a child. I was off in my own little world. I was slipping in and out of consciousness several times each day during my toddler years due to a seizure disorder that wasn't picked up on at first. My family just thought I was spacey. I was completely unaware of how I looked and I did a lot of embarrassing things without feeling embarrassment because I didn't understand that pretending to be an animated character was weird. I couldn't think I would outgrow anything because I had no idea there was anything to outgrow.

Then, around the time between grades 5-6 I suddenly became aware of myself. I could feel self-conscious. In a way I outgrew a severe part of my Autism but I still have other issues. I was able to think about how I appeared to others. I still had trouble with body language but I was able to imagine what I would do in someone else's situation to consciously try to guess what that person might do. Since I was blind to the signals they sent other than tones of voice I had less information but I had a basic and inferior method of figuring people out that I didn't have before.

Nowadays I'm hyper aware of myself to the point of being extremely self-conscious. I always think people are judging me for things I do even the small ones and I even freeze from it. If I say something that I think I shouldn't have said I'll be so embarrassed about it I'll freeze for a moment because it's too overwhelming to think about what other people might be thinking about what I just said. They're probably thinking nothing of it but I still get very concerned about it. I'm too hard on myself and way too self-conscious. I'm the opposite of my oblivious childhood self in that way.

Some things did change as I got older. Some things changed dramatically. I didn't grow out of Asperger's. I grew out of some things, adjusted to some others, and still have difficulties in other areas. I never could've expected to grow out of something I didn't even know I had but some things do change.

You mean it doesn't get better in the working world? s**t. But yea, I was "that kid". I pretty much convinced myself that I was just more mature than the rest of them, and I'd fit right in once everyone grew up. It was partly the reason why I wanted to not be a kid.

Once again, probably a poor choice of words on my part. When I used the term "idiot", I wasn't referring to their intelligence. Rather, I was referring to their actions. As an example, it wasn’t uncommon for kids to bully other kids. I considered that action idiotic. Or, in the workplace, people say and do things simply to “fall into place”. I considered that action idiotic. I’ve always considered myself a non-conformist and any actions people take in order to conform seem idiotic (at least to me).

I always figured that people should have core values/principles and behave consistently within those. And, I considered it idiotic when they didn’t.

Kafke – Thanks for your reply. It was an ugly wake-up call to realize how poorly I understood the “real world” (a concept I still struggle with, to this day). sh** is an excellent first reaction. And, escape was my next thought.

Looking back, for me, the working world could (possibly, maybe) have been better, if I had chosen a more suitable path. I didn’t understand my limitations (including but not limited to: inability to establish human connections/relations, issues w/executive dis-functioning, inability to multi-task) and chose wrong. I think it’s helpful that people are getting diagnosed earlier in life. So, that they can (possibly) make better decisions.



This was totally me as well.

No, I think you used the correct word. You used it in the sense that I described. I don't think that is a good usage of the word (and I dislike the word in any usage) but it fits my observations as to how people use such words.

You shouldn't have to second guess your word choices based on my responses. Your word choices are fine, and my interpretation is my interpretation, not something you're beholden to.

I failed to realise I had social issues for along time, I did notice I got in trouble alot for how I talked, what I talked about and my social impulseness throughout life with the worst entering my teens. I never really liked social events unless there was a special reason to draw me in(eg, a band was going to perform, home owner had a pool or some other odd or cool attrection), I naturally began to avoid all social events in my mid teens for feeling a lack of belonging(eg, always being left in a corner alone for hours at a wedding or being told off for my comments said at funerals), I knew it was in everyones best intrest if I did not go to these events anymore. I think half the issue was people expecting more of me socially as I got older and a constant failure to deliver.

As a child I figured the 25-31 kids in my elementry classes that made up my entire daily social interaction were all either mean, stupid, unrelateable or just plain werid and the upcoming adult freedom of association and added maturaty would allow me to be sociallity well off after all I already got along really well with meny adults. I think part of why this never worked out as planed is becouse when I became an adult myself the social expectations placed on me changed that of a normal adult and I could never measure up to those standards. The gap between myself and them has never been larger.

Last edited by rapidroy on 13 May 2013, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

No, I didn't think that I would outgrow social issues, because I didn't know that I had social issues until diagnosis, and I still don't think that I have social issues, because I can't care about social things. I tried to care, but I can't.

Yeah before I was diagnosed, my mom just told me I was extremely shy and assumed I would grow out of it. Once I started to talking to my peers, I realized there was something massively off. And then I thought it was because I was mute for 10 yrs so I feel socially behind pretty badly and I could catch up. And then I got diagnosed with Aspergers, my parents didnt believe it. And then I went to college, crashed and burned freshman year and then my parents were forced to believe it. Afterwards, I kept thinking if I tried hard enough I wouldn't have to worry about my social problems. Slowly to find out, I will probably have to contend with social difficulties for the rest of my life.

I have to admit that i was different from a lot of people as my social skills wasn't very good and struggle to maintain friendships at the same time i was in my own world viewed things differently but nowadays i have improved but haven't outgrown just yet.

From my earliest days at school I had difficulty fitting in. When I went to senoir school I was told "just go up to people and say hello and you will be abe to make friends". But it wasn't so. I faced continual rejection however many times I tried to join in.
At Uni I tried to fit in with social clubs, oblivious to why people didn't want to get to know me beyond a superficial level.
At work I struggled to get on with colleagues; despite being hard-working and reliable I never got promotion.

It was only when a counceller suggested I look into AS that I finally began to see where my difficulties lie. I can look back and observe my life through that interpretation and it works, it makes sense.

What is good about this is that I can develop strategies to make the most of who I am and not persist in fruitless endeavours. I can try to improve my social interactions by observation and practicing doing more of what is expected.
What is bad about this is I can see that people will not treat me any differently now than they did before. It's not a matter of growing out of it. It's not a matter of relaxing and trying to be friendly, it's me, as I am that people are rejecting because I don't behave in the way they think I should.

This is exemplified by social invites. People I've just met sometimes invite me to go out with them to the pub or club, or ask at the last minute because someone has cancelled. But when I politely decline and say noisy crowded places are not my thing but could we arrange to go to a Museum or exhibition or nature walk next time they lose all interest. They will accept me if I enjoy what they enjoy, go where they go, dress like they dress. One of my housemates said "I don't want any boring or wierd people living here, I want people who are like us" - meaning like her.

I kept pursuing the dream that I would fit in somewhere, with some group. Elementary school was chaotic - six schools in 8 years, so the prospect of 4 years in a single high school was appealing. Alas, by the end I was thrilled to go to college where, I hoped, the other students would be more mature & I'd at last fit in. In college, everyone would be starting over socially speaking, right? Not like high school where nearly everyone had been in the same classes since the earliest grades. Well, for a brief time that was so. Others began to form their social groupings, and I was on the outside again. Well, surely in grad school, among a more select group who were there to achieve academically, surely there I would at last find my mileu. Nope, though I enjoyed being around the international students cause I didn't feel so awkward and could be their cultural interpreter of a sort. Gave that up after 1 semester when i saw even the foreign students forming cliques based on criteria i could not discern, to try the 'real world' of work. That kept me busier than school, but I ran into problems with not understanding office politics and building professional networks. Thus each time I changed jobs it was a clean break with all that went before.

Moved a few times, too, searching for an environment where I'd fit in. Let my hometown because it felt so darn provincial. Thought maybe elsewhere, some place more cosmopolitan, there'd be people I could connect with. Bah! I should have stayed put in upstate NY where at least I would have had the comfort zone of extended family around. Oh no, I had to prove to myself that I could make it in the real world.

Started as a programmer but didn't want to get pigeonholed as the nerdy, antisocial type. Tried consulting for a while, to force myself to do the things I've always avoided, namely to network, speak to people, sell my abilities, vary routine, interact with different people & personality types. I thought I just needed practice. Well, I had the practice and t hasn't helped except by showing me my true limitations.

My life has been defined by my doing what I thought I SHOULD be doing, instead of what I truly wanted or could do.

Yes, did, then spent 6 months thinking I wouldn't, now after learning many of my issues are explainable in terms of Complex PTSD, I am back to thinking I might again.