Please help I am panicking, feeling devastated and confused.

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I am actually flabbergasted at your response. If that's what you get for reaching out to to someone begging for help, then I won't bother next time.

I spent my time researching information for you and offered it as potentially helpful information. How ungrateful and nasty you are to respond like that.

I am not even in your country, you posted a barely coherent OP, lacking in a lot of detail and full of acronyms and I did my best to help with what you gave. If I did make any assumptions that was your fault for not being clear in the first place!

You clearly didn't read my post properly either, your own country's autism society advised what I posted, that was a direct quote:

FYI this is an international forum, with very few members from your country, so don't expect people to know what you are talking about when you use all those acronyms. It seems you were the one who made assumptions.

Considering you are apparently berating me for lack of empathy, you need a wake-up call. This is an autism forum and people with autism do lack empathy in some areas - however, my posting in a factual manner was not down to lack of empathy - again you are the one making assumptions. We don't all post with hearts and kisses. That doesn't make it any less valid advice.

Your post is virtually one long (and mistaken) assumption. You weren't wrong when you said you were confused.

The level of sarcasm, bitterness and reactionism in your post was totally uncalled for. Pleased you won't be popping back either, because we don't want your type here anyway.

Bye.

Wibbly, I do not think you are stupid, but in this case you did seem to have a reaction rather than a balanced and centered response. I do this, too, sometimes, and when I do it I am not intelligent. I have read some of your previous messages and think you are generally speaking quite smart, so I hope you do not do this kind of thing with your child, as that would be, at least for me when I was a child, quite confusing and even terrifying.

I think it is a theory of mind thing to expect that someone else knows exactly what you are thinking and feeling and then to heap anger on them when they do not. If everybody knew what everybody else is thinking and feeling and had the exact same kind of mind as you/each other then there would be no need for communication, and communication is the key thing that makes us human..

I hope things are better now, but it sounds like you are wavering back and forth in regard to having a meltdown that may be tinged with some kind of paranoia, and this could become serious and affect the well being of both yourself and your child. Please choose not to let this happen.

Tio Whirlingmind (love that name:-)--, it is obvious you wrote what you did with extremely good intent. To Wimbly, the fact that you did not realize this would indicate to me you are under extreme stress right now, for whatever reason, and not processing data so accurately. Sad to say, sometimes I do this too, and I do not mean in the distant past..It is very obvious that Whirlingmind wrote this with good intent. In my opinion the fact that you did not see it from this angle is problematic. You must be doing this same kind of thing in other areas of your life at times, and surely this could be affecting your child.

I understand that what I have written could be a bit of a bitter pill, but I could not read this exchange without responding to it. I hope you are able to appreciate that my intent is good. Love, littlebee

p.s. For those interested in the nature 'vs' nurture question, this thread could be an interesting learning tool to look back at in the future....

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Thanks Littlebee.

Wibbly claims I caused stress - what about the stress for me, opening up a completely unexpected and unnecessary response like that! Wibbly seems like someone very volatile and about to explode! How is it so impossible to see a helpful message as it was intended?

It's actually very hurtful as well, because if you look back at all my posts you will see a high percentage of them are offering help to other people (so much for me lacking empathy ). It's bewildering and shocking to get that sort of reaction. I re-read my post to see what could have caused offence and I couldn't see why I got that reaction. And if my message was misunderstood, there are nicer ways of going about it, including checking intent and meaning before going for the throat!

Whirlingmind, I see what she wrote and what you have just written as a theory of mind thing. Everybody does not understand situations in the same way, and sometimes that is difficult to reconcile in oneself, the key words here being in oneself. Yes, I cannot see that the response made sense, but Wibbly was obviously seeing things differently. We do not know exactly what another person is experiencing. I think one thing or person can represent different things to different individuals depending upon their particular context, so if a response comes like that, then it is necessary to reconcile it within oneself.

For instance the Biblical expression about turning the other cheek could mean letting someone slap oneself on the other side of the face, also....and sometimes it might be necessary to do that, unfortunately, but it would depend upon context,wouldn't it? However, another meaning to that could be seeing things from a different angle. Now if one cannot see it from another angle, and the situation can seemingly only be reconciled by the other person not responding in a certain way they already did (and probably will again), then that makes no sense, as it already happened. So inside you or me or Wimbly or whoever, we are still carrying the sting. Does this mean that we should just forget about it and let it happen again? No.That would make no sense, but there is a possibility to reconcile it within oneself. This means to process the material comprehensively.. Amazingly this can affect other people, too, and even be world changing, not to imply that it is easy. It it very difficult.

Personally I think I have an idea of what Wimbly is experiencing as I have recently been experiencing something myself that has triggered me too or three times in the last week into a STATE I never want to experience again, but it is too personal to write about here. One point worth making is that we probably do not always know what another person is experiencing, but you seem to be thinking she can see things right now from your angle. We do not know the state a person is in when they write something, but in this case probably a way different state from you, or she would obviously not have written that. I do not exactly mean understanding, as obviously we all have different kinds of understanding, but am speaking of a STATE. In certain states I take too big leaps because the state itself is influencing the understanding and back and forth affecting the emotions I am experiencing and projecting. The anxiety is unbearable,and the only way to reconcile it instantly is by a reaction, but that is not a real reconciliation. I hope I have enough foresight to find the middle ground which I can approach by thinking differently before it is too late and I am mechanically triggered into a reaction.

Sigh, so much for the hopes of an aspie nation being some sort of utopia. Seems like the potential for misunderstandings and miscommunication are not much better amongst aspies than aspies getting on with NTs.

Re Utopia, imo, that concept is naive idealism, nothing to do with reality....re the potential for misunderstandings, did you just find this out now after reading this thread??? Did it ever occur to you that in both instances it may be the aspies who do not understand something? Not saying this is true in every case, just generally speaking...By the way, I am an aspie:-)

I do think it would be better to try to hone into using the wonderful opportunity of this forum as a learning tool...my vision of what can happen here in aspie world is very profound, as I think there is a greater potential for the learning curve to go up much faster than in other popuklations if and when people begin to get down to brass tacks...and yes, that is a form of work that some may not be attracted to...

Uh, actually no. There have been threads I've read on this board suggesting it. This is what I was responding to.