Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

'Cheer Up ! It's not the end of the World !'

Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

TGH
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 32

20 Jun 2013, 5:50 am

Joe90 wrote:
An NT goes up to a random stranger who is looking miserable (the stranger happens to be an Aspie but they don't know that) and says, ''cheer up!'' It is acceptable, the NT thinks everyone should be happy and it's not nice to see someone looking miserable. Also they were just encouraging the miserable-looking stranger to smile.

An Aspie goes up to a random NT stranger who is looking miserable, and says, ''cheer up!'' It is not acceptable, the Aspie gets an hour long lecture by someone telling the Aspie that this person could be looking miserable for all kinds of reasons they don't know about, and that they could have made this poor little NT feel worse. The Aspie is also accused of lacking empathy.

Tell me where this stops being fair?


While it probably is a bit tilted to the NT (like most social situations, really), I doubt it's that bad all the time. In my experience, people who go around telling others to 'cheer up' get a bit of both - appreciation and annoyance. It's not as simple as 'Aspies get it one way, NTs get it another'. Many who are rejected after telling someone who 'cheer up' just usually persist anyway. I can tell you that many of the people I know find people who tell others to cheer up obtrusive and annoying.

Maybe if an Aspie goes up to someone and says 'cheer up' without seeming sure about themselves they're more likely to get a lecture as opposed to someone who seems sure of what they're doing and may be brushed off and others won't bother, just talk about them behind their back.

In any case I'm curious to why any stranger would waste their time lecturing someone they don't know about these things. XD


_________________
So apparently I have "a very small trace of Aspergers?". Yeah, not sure what that means. But hey, any help I can give I will.

Glad to meet to you all! :)


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

21 Jun 2013, 4:03 pm

Well it must be a thing people do in certain countries then, because people would never do that here. I've never got that said to me by a random person (only somebody I know). I think if strangers did that over here, it would be considered rude or interfering.

I think in the UK (well, don't know about Scotland and other places like that, but where I come from) people tend to keep themselves to themselves a little when out in public - in some ways. Like we don't feel so obliged to make conversation with cashiers at the check-outs, and it is considered OK to choose not to, just pay for your shopping and go, although it is polite to say ''thank you'', stuff like that, which isn't hard for me anyway. Unless the cashier is really chatty, but not often that happens.

So when I first read this, I was like, ''huh? Why would random strangers say that to someone, without knowing why they may be looking miserable?'' It just confused me a little. I know if I went up to someone looking really miserable somewhere in the middle of the street and said, ''cheer up, it's not the end of the world'', they'll probably give me the ''you creepy bastard!'' look and walk away, probably offended.

Social rules can be very complex at times. Sometimes caring too much can be considered rude.


_________________
Female


tweety_fan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,555

22 Jun 2013, 3:18 am

I have been told to cheer up when i am not miserable. It is annoying. My sister gets told that as well. (she is NT). Her concentration face looks like an angry face to some people.



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

22 Jun 2013, 6:29 am

Joe90 wrote:
Well it must be a thing people do in certain countries then, because people would never do that here. I've never got that said to me by a random person (only somebody I know). I think if strangers did that over here, it would be considered rude or interfering.

I think in the UK (well, don't know about Scotland and other places like that, but where I come from) people tend to keep themselves to themselves a little when out in public - in some ways. Like we don't feel so obliged to make conversation with cashiers at the check-outs, and it is considered OK to choose not to, just pay for your shopping and go, although it is polite to say ''thank you'', stuff like that, which isn't hard for me anyway. Unless the cashier is really chatty, but not often that happens.

So when I first read this, I was like, ''huh? Why would random strangers say that to someone, without knowing why they may be looking miserable?'' It just confused me a little. I know if I went up to someone looking really miserable somewhere in the middle of the street and said, ''cheer up, it's not the end of the world'', they'll probably give me the ''you creepy bastard!'' look and walk away, probably offended.

Social rules can be very complex at times. Sometimes caring too much can be considered rude.

Actually Joe90, this did indeed happen to me in the UK! In London to be precise, when I was in my teens and twenties.

Random strangers passing in the street, or the ticket man in a train station, would, yes, just suddenly say "Cheer up darlin', might never 'appen!" Just walking by in the street. In London.

I actually don't think the whole "UK is polite" thing is at all true. Or maybe it was because I was a girl and this was strange men saying this stuff? There might be all kinds of reasons why one person never experiences something and another person finds it happening too much. We're each different and strangers behave differently if they think someone looks vulnerable, looks open to comment in that stranger's mind (even if the recipient is actually not -- I certainly didn't invite it), or any number of reasons why one person gets singled out and another inspires a stranger to just not interact.

I find that these days, also in London, I don't get as much of it. Old and ugly now maybe? [laughing] Or maybe I've learned to do the "miserable-and-don't-start-on-me" face.



anneurysm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,196
Location: la la land

22 Jun 2013, 10:31 pm

It's because your body language and what you are really feeling don't match...this is common with Aspies. You may look sad, nervous or uncomfortable to others, and this confuses them.

It would be good to know how people see you...ask a family member or close friend for their opinion.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

23 Jun 2013, 10:09 am

My emotions and body language do match. Usually I'm feeling agitated or nervous when out in public, and although I have learnt to hold myself up straight and keep my arms by my sides and everything like that, I can still have a nervous facial expression. Or if I'm feeling depressed I can look depressed in my face. But nobody has ever said anything.

One day last week I was feeling happy about something, and I knew it showed because people passing smiled and some said hello. I don't usually get responses like that when I look neutral.

And I knew somebody would say ''it does happen in the UK a lot''. It's never happened to me ever. Only people I know have said it loads of times.


_________________
Female


Noetic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,277
Location: UK

23 Jun 2013, 11:04 am

I used to hate it when people said to me "Cheer up, it might never happen". When I was stood waiting for the bus.

The reason I may have looked grumpy was precisely because it - the bus turning up - hadn't happened...