Social understanding and being mean

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[quote="League_Girl"]I watched first minute of it and it looks like to me they were all enjoying it so it's not really bullying. It's like how black people can call each other a n****r or how people can call each other ret*d and not get hurt by it and they don't mind it. I have seen people insult each other and be fine with it so I don't see it as bullying or them being mean if they don't mind it.[/quote



This reminded me of something that happened to me at work years ago.
i'm a nurse and our unit clerk (she's black) used to call me wetback all the time, i'm Puerto Rican, and i'd take it you know all in good humor and all, well one day we were joking back and forth and i called her a coon, which is a derogatory term for a black person, of course i was joking but she got deeply offended. i came up to her later in the day and told her i would'nt ever call her a coon again but if she liked she was more than welcomed to call me a wetback anytime,she never did. The doctor who had overheard this conversation was laughing so hard i thought he was going to pee his pants and i believe i was a sort of hero to him after that.

Good social skills are a separate thing from bullying, just as being physically strong is a separate thing from hitting someone.

You can be a bully and not have good social skills, just like you could be a runty weakling and go around punching people. In both cases, however, you'll do less damage than if you had the relevant strength in that area.

Meanwhile, you could also be a strong, muscular person and be gentle with other people, and use your strength instead for things like helping to move furniture. And likewise, you can be a socially skilled person who is kind and helps people feel better instead of bullying them.

I guess she learned if she can't dish it in and can't dish it out, she stopped insulting you. How fair is it for her to insult people but not want it back in return?


I remember I used to call my friend Anita in 5th grade whenever she spoke with a fake British accent. Then she would say in her fake accent 'I do not." It was all a game we played and then in 6th grade she decided she didn't like me anymore for that. I never understood and I forgot about the game honestly. I never understand why someone is okay with something and then decide to not be okay with it months later and then hold it against you and never even tell you. Instead they keep leading you on having you think you and them are playing and act okay with it. None of this was even close to an insult. I have had other friends that would act weird all of a sudden and I never understood why.

I definitely see your point. Those with good social skills are perhaps often those who know better than to bully others.

What I meant was more that the video may indicate if you don't have good social skills - for instance if you don't understand the jokes or why they are funny in any way.

I see good social skills can be applied in a good natured way. I agree on that. But good social skills are also used in the competition between humans to get the best mates, etc., which does include that the weakest (for instance some autistics) "should" be weeded out. Everyone is trying to survive, and there is no mercy for those with autism. But then again, there's no mercy when it comes to looks, intelligence, etc. etc. either. We have to accept there are 'leagues' in the society. I just think it's an ugly concept. It's all dictated by survival of the fittest, I know.

The thing is, I should learn to accept that anything that promotes survival is in a "good natured way". It's just very difficult for me when it comes to competition between humans. I guess one should just accept it anyway.