How do people push you away or distance themselves?

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Moondust
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05 Jul 2013, 4:59 am

What did she say when you bumped into her at work the next time?


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cubedemon6073
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05 Jul 2013, 7:48 am

whirlingmind wrote:
By saying they will be in contact and then not.

By just not coming over to you and being "very busy" talking to other people.

The worst I had was a girl who seemed genuinely to be friendly, to arrange for me to meet her somewhere (her suggestion) and she didn't turn up. When I tried calling her repeatedly I just got her voicemail and never heard from her again. She was a colleague in a different department, and I realised much later (so gullible) that she had played me and office politics were involved.


Wow, so you've been flaked out on as well. I've had people promise me things and they fail to deliver.



whirlingmind
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05 Jul 2013, 8:11 am

Moondust wrote:
What did she say when you bumped into her at work the next time?


I was off sick with stress at the time. In the end I gave in my notice after months off with stress without ever going back, so I never had to see her again anyway.


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whirlingmind
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05 Jul 2013, 8:26 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:
whirlingmind wrote:
By saying they will be in contact and then not.

By just not coming over to you and being "very busy" talking to other people.

The worst I had was a girl who seemed genuinely to be friendly, to arrange for me to meet her somewhere (her suggestion) and she didn't turn up. When I tried calling her repeatedly I just got her voicemail and never heard from her again. She was a colleague in a different department, and I realised much later (so gullible) that she had played me and office politics were involved.


Wow, so you've been flaked out on as well. I've had people promise me things and they fail to deliver.

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Yeah. I can't work people out. The girl that did that, it was an odd situation which I still don't truly understand. There was another girl in my actual office, and she said to me "I think [the stand-up girl] is very fond of you." I was taken aback and didn't know why she said it because the other girl [the stand-up girl] was no more my 'friend' than any other female colleague my age that I talked to. But she [the stand-up girl] was in my ear when she knew I was having work problems (line manager bullying and conniving and departmental head bullying) telling me I should go off sick. In the end I did, not because she said it, but because I really needed to. It was whilst I was on sick leave that she called me and asked to meet up. I had a toddler at the time too and had to go to all the effort of getting her ready and catching a bus, only to stand on a windswept seafront with her in her pushchair, waiting like a lemon, diligently giving her plenty of time to arrive.

I put two and two together much later. My line manager had asked me whether I would be able to go full-time at one point, knowing I couldn't. The post was advertised as part-time, so I took it on as such with no understanding anywhere that the hours would change at any time and they knew my situation, being a mum to a toddler meant I couldn't. Looking back, I saw it was all connected. It may be that this so-called 'friend' was even after my job and this was why she was telling me to go off on sick leave. I'd already had problems with my line manager sabotaging my work (there was no other explanation for what happened) and him criticising me unfairly after he'd dumped higher pay grade tasks on me which I had done well because he was a lazy sod. Him (and the faculty administrator) lying to my face in a meeting denying things had been said which had been). So I think they deliberately made my role intolerable because they wanted me out, I was too honest and they were all abusing the departmental budget for personal things and other stuff and they could see I couldn't be drawn into that behaviour, so they probably feared I was a whistleblower. I just don't get why this girl would ask to meet me and not turn up, unless it was because she went for my job and couldn't face me, but at that point I hadn't handed my notice in.

Sorry , this has turned into an epistle, and derailing the thread a bit.


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Moondust
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05 Jul 2013, 11:27 am

I had a similar thing happen to me in my previous job.


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