Neurotypicals should stop asking aspies and everybody this:

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Yes, it is irritating and pointless but it is what is expected. I want real conversation about real things and if a conversation doesn't continue beyond the 'all right?' I am totally lost.

I think it varies from place to place. For a start, nobody makes up these rules, so I don't know why a place of work feels it can speak definitively for everyone everywhere...

Around here, the correct answer to "alright?" is "alright?", but if the question is a whole sentence ("are you alright?" "how are you doing?" "what's up?"), then a short, positive answer is expected, unless you are ill or bereaved, and even then...

Yep, me too. Quite often that's where the conversation ends for me.

I don't care if someone asks how I'm doing. I already know what they want me to say, "good, how are you?". The questions I don't like are the ones where there's no correct answer. For instance, "what's new with you?" Or "what are your plans this week?" Those kind of questions make me freak out because I have to come up with a good answer that's more than a normal, gracious reply.

I never reply. If you've got the guts to approach me, know I won't answer that.

the general rule about that line shoud be dont ask if do not give a s**t about them,however most use it as some sort of convo filler.
have been asked it many times before by people who know am going to be typing up a bloody big reply and taking ages to tell them exactly how am doing.
depending on who it is they sometimes interrupt by going onto something else or saying they didnt ask for a life story, that isnt what am writing out though? guess they dont have many difficulties or issues in their life to write about.

I have always found the "how are you?" question, and the perfunctory "good" response to be an utterly pointless ritual.

I wonder why people ask it to each other when they aren't expecting an honest answer. I mean who really wants you to answer that question honestly? Not very many people, unless you have that deep of a relationship with the person that you could trust them enough to answer honestly, and they have the time to listen. In the vast majority of cases, this isn't the case, though.

Certianly there's a better way to start causal conversations with people than this pointless (in most circumstances) question, right?

This is an interesting thread. I normally answer "fine, thanks, how are you" or "ok" but, if I'm not fine, I tend not to directly answer and just say "how are you?" in response.

It is annoying to me for someone to ask without even a bit of interest in the answer. Have to put up with it sometimes from some people, but friends can learn what annoys you and care not to do it, and non friends, well, you're not around them that much so can try not to let it matter.

NTs use social greetings/small talk the same way chimpanzees groom each other for ticks. It's a form of breaking ice/initiating social bonding etc,...

I much prefer this analogy to the one using a group of canines.

Q: How's it going? = better universal greeting

Q: How's it hanging? = ONLY to ever be used NT male to NT male (if I ran the world)

PS when I receive the ever-popular "good to see you" my answer to them is "good to be seen"

very clever that one

It took so long for me to get the idea behind the "how are you" question, and after I got the idea behind it I was bothered by it, even today it gets on my nerves however I have mostly let it go and now I look at it like a verbal handshake which makes people feel more at ease.

What also bothers me is when people are passing by and ask "how are you" and they are on their way out before I can even manage a "good" or ask them the same, I don't understand it.

This is how my exchanges go sometimes:

"How are you?"
"OK, I guess."
"You guess...?"

Argh. And whatever you do, never, ever, ever answer that you aren't doing well. Then the other person will start probing and asking you what's wrong.

What's worse, though, is when people decide to insert small talk into business emails. "I hope this email find you well." Why do people do this?? Just get to the important stuff already!

Working with humans (& being complained on a lot) has lead me to use 2 responses.

Customers usually walk up with "how are you. I need a number one..."

If it happens to be a good day, my response is "Absolutelty fantastic!" Said as an almost-shout. I follow up with a giant smile because I know they didn't really care, & I just wanted to interrupt them. It catches them off guard and they can't complain on me for being happy, even if I am interrupting them.

If it's not a good day, I interrupt with "well, i'm not dead yet, so that's good. Certainly been trying though. But that's life, right? Ha-ha!" Because I live in texas and people LOVE that kind of stupid stuff here.

I did ask once why they asked if they didn't care, and this guy STARED at me. He had no good response. Just a "huh" and proceeded to order food from me.

I got my boss's boss to stop trying to make small talk. When he asks how I am doing or how was my weekend I provide a detailed explanation on how I am or how the weekend went and why. He has stopped asking.

Most of the time I can't stand when people use this greeting to me, but not for exactly the same reasons as the OP. Like it's just extremely hard for me to answer with a standard "I'm fine, and you?" sort of response if I'm not actually doing well. I just really have a hard time trying to pretend that I'm fine when I'm not. It actually hurts emotionally to try to do this.

For a long time I tried to answer honestly and say that I wasn't doing well when I wasn't, but then people would actually want to know why I wasn't doing well and I'm not sure if they really wanted to know or if they were just being polite, but then I'd find myself getting drawn into longer conversations about all the crap going on in my life with people I didn't want to be having these conversations with such as cashiers, bus drivers, or even casual acquaintances.

Then for awhile I tried answering with "I'm alive" because it was the only positive thing I could say without lying. This generally backfired because that phrase seems to send a huge red flag to people that I'm really not okay, and then they'd still ask what was wrong.

These days if it's not someone that I want to be asking me that question, I've kind of settled into ignoring them altogether. The other person might say "Hi, how are you?" or sometimes skip the "Hi" part for some reason. "Then I'll just respond with "Hi". Oddly enough, some people will repeat "How are you?" if they don't get a response, and I'll just say "Hi" again, which does feel awkward because they don't seem to understand that I heard them the first time but I'm just choosing not to engage in that particular social convention, but it's still preferable to me than either lying or getting dragged into conversations that I don't want to have.

The only time I don't mind being asked is if it's someone that I feel cares about me and actually wants to know how I'm doing. And that's really the only time that I'll ask the question, if I actually care and want to know how they're doing. I also make an exception for medical and mental health professionals asking because it's their job to care how I'm doing and if I don't talk to them about how I am, then its a wasted visit.

The last good friend I had was for awhile in the habit of asking me how I was a few times a day. I know a lot of people would find that annoying, but I actually really liked it a lot. It made me feel like someone actually gave a damn about me and really cared about me for once in my life. Most days I don't get asked how I'm feeling even once by someone that I feel actually cares about me. So it really sucked big time when she stopped doing it. I know it was more because her life was in a really bad place at the time and she was too wrapped up in her own problems than because she stopped caring about me, but it still hurt a lot. It especially hurt since I was in a really bad place too at the time and still took the time to check in and see how she was, even though listening to her was often detrimental to my own mental health. This eventually led to the friendship falling apart, but that's another story.

So yeah, that question just really sucks as a social nicety and I don't want to participate with people that I don't care about. I also find the phrases "What's up?" and "Sup?" to be really irritating for some reason and wish people wouldn't greet me with them at all. Even though I know exactly what the other person means, because the phrases rub me the wrong way, I can't seem to stop myself from answering them extremely literally. For example, I might respond with "The ceiling" or "No thanks, I'm not hungry" This usually either gets a laugh or confuses people, but I've actually had people try to explain the slang to me. Yeah, I don't really care. The majority of the time I only want to be greeted with "Hello" or "Hi".