Caseyfritz wrote:
Skibum, this is what I find hard to answer. Every other time I have ever had a crush, I have always acted stalkerish and creepy because I don't know how to function correctly and talk to women normally. Well, not all, but some. But this girl...She isn't all that attractive to me, and yet I feel a strong feeling about her, like I need her approval, like it lightens my day when she speaks to me or gives me any attention. When I am around her my day goes great if she shows me a lot of attention, and bad if she doesn't. What is that sh**? I can't stand it. I'm married for christ sake. I don't need that sh**.
I am wondering if you were close to your mum because the way you describe it it almost sounds like a child's need for validation. Trust me this is something I completely understand. It does not make you a bad person if this is the case. If it is not a sexual attraction it could possibly be the other. It could be that something about this girl makes you feel safe like a child again and you are looking for validation and approval that you may have lacked then. It is very difficult because even if it is not a sexual attraction it could turn into one so you have to be very careful. That is why I think that you should really try to focus on "dating" your wife. This will help you shift your focus and really rekindle a love for her. If you think that you may be suffering from a child validation thing you can talk to your wife about that openly because she may be able to help you. It might even help for you to talk to the other girl too and ask her to help you so that you don't get too close to her. But that is tricky too because she would have to be very mature and understanding to be able to help you. I am not sure how that might work but I think that if I were her I would try to help. I am married as well so I understand how this can be tricky. But I think first try to identify what the attraction actually is and if there is a different way to get the need met that you are feeling.