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Joe90
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25 Jul 2013, 3:36 pm

Why do I hate that word ''empathy''? I'm Aspie and I believe I feel empathy so much that it becomes rather interfering with my emotional and mental state. Surely NTs don't get as empathetic as I get. Like if I see a situation where somebody is feeling incredibly embarrassed, I become embarrassed for them, my heart beats really fast, my face goes all hot and red, and I'm like, ''hang on a minute, I'm not even in the situation and I'm feeling embarrassed.''

I don't know if this is to do with empathy or not but just looking at elderly people makes me want to cry. I'm sure not every NT feels like that all the time, especially men.


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ParaSait
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25 Jul 2013, 3:52 pm

I don't feel empathy at all in most cases, but I've become quite good at imitating the real thing by cognitive process. And I'm fine with this, because it seems to me that this way it's fully controllable unlike the "real" empathy. I see it as a strength rather than a weakness.

(a potentially dangerous strength if you think about it... since this ability is what evil sociopaths abuse to manipulate people :P)


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Drehmaschine
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25 Jul 2013, 4:03 pm

HopefulFlower wrote:
I have this problem too. Like I just can't feel anything. I understand the situation and I want to feel bad but I just can't.

I can relate there. People get mad when you don't feel anything and think you're a horrible person.



Skilpadde
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25 Jul 2013, 6:31 pm

I am very low on affective empathy. I only feel it for the very few people I love, and animals.
I have way more empathy for fictional characters than I do people I know but don't love; a good book, game, series or movie can make me emotional.

As a few have pointed out already, the train/plane/car gets more emotions from me than its passengers. Seeing the wreckage is sad.
Since the train crash in Spain came up; I don't feel empathy for those affected, but I feel a huge amount of anger towards that locomotive engineer who loved speed and went somewhere between 190 km/h and 220 km/h around a bend where the speed limit was 80 km/h. Because he was reckless and intentionally went almost triple the speed limit, 80 people had to die. That ticks me off. Same as how idiots who drink and drive and/or speed often end up killing someone else and get off scot free themselves. That makes me furious. But I can't say I feel sorry for their victims, just anger at the perpetrator.

On very rare occasions I can feel for someone I don't know well or a stranger, but it's a rare occurrence.


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seaturtleisland
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25 Jul 2013, 9:30 pm

I have selective empathy and it feels terrible. Half the time I'm trying to make myself feel something and it feels so fake. It's a relief when I actually do feel something.

Death isn't something that evokes negative feelings for me.



btbnnyr
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25 Jul 2013, 10:07 pm

I feel sorry for the plane in plane crashes, but I also feel sorry for the passengers, but I am prone to say something like "poor plane" when I see a plane crash news report on TV.


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IdahoRose
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26 Jul 2013, 3:11 am

Lacking sympathy for other people makes me feel like a horrible person, but I'm relieved I'm not alone. I've always had trouble feeling sorry for other people. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I just... can't. And sometimes I wonder whether my imaginary friends are more important to me than the actual people in my life...



vanhalenkurtz
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26 Jul 2013, 4:20 am

I got a decentralized thermostat, that's all.


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Skilpadde
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28 Jul 2013, 6:15 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I feel sorry for the plane in plane crashes, but I also feel sorry for the passengers, but I am prone to say something like "poor plane" when I see a plane crash news report on TV.

I feel the same way for the plane. (or train, car, boat)


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pokerface
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28 Jul 2013, 10:53 pm

I think that neither NT'S nor people with autism feel enough empathy. Nt's love to blabber about the fact that aspies don't feel the same amount of empathy as they (suspposedly) do but that is a myth and total crap. Human beings in general have difficulties with feeling empathy.

The only difference is that the ones who don't have autism are better at fooling themselves. They seem to have a somewhat creepy and unrealistically positive image of themselves. Now that is what I call bizar!



Skilpadde
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29 Jul 2013, 8:39 am

pokerface wrote:
The only difference is that the ones who don't have autism are better at fooling themselves

and likely their surroundings; making all the "right" sounds and expressions because they are expected to, not because they feel it.


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Soccer22
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29 Jul 2013, 9:34 am

For me it depends, I have trouble with empathy for things that don't effect me, but if something involves me, my family or pets then I'm better at it, but I have a lot of difficulty showing it still. If someone cries in front of me though, it's hard for me to hold back my tears. Even when I'm watching say yes to the dress, if the people cry, I start crying. Not sure what that's all about.



hanyo
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29 Jul 2013, 9:56 am

I remember this happening when I was in grade school.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_Challenger_disaster

They had us watch it on tv in school so we saw it when it happened. There were other kids getting upset and even putting their head on their desk and crying. I didn't feel anything.



chlov
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29 Jul 2013, 11:10 am

I remember that on the last day of elementary school all my classmates where hugging each other and crying.
I didn't do that. I just didn't feel anything.
It's not that I hated my classmates, I just didn't feel anything.
One of them also told me "we won't see each other anymore!" and cried in front of me. I didn't say anything and went away.
A lot of other times in my school life there were moments in which some classmates or all of them were crying or were upset and I didn't cry nor feel upset.

Another example is this.
Some time ago my mother said that she would have sacrificed even her life for me and my brother.
I told her that I would have never done that for my children, if I was ever going to have some.
I also said that, if I was ever going to have children and one of them turned out to be a leech that just would want to live with me and not work I would have kicked them out of my house and would have told them "if you want to come back here bring some money home, otherwise gtfo".
My mother said "well, that is a little cruel".
I don't think it is.
Why should I sacrifice my freedom and money for somebody else? Just because it's my child, it doesn't mean I have to accept them as a drag.
I don't want to have drags, I just want to be free and not be bound by obligations.



Marybird
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29 Jul 2013, 11:33 am

I don't put on a display of emotion, I probably come across as being stoic, but I don't like it when bad things happen to people and I would and have sacrificed a lot for my family, I would never turn them out.