28 Jul 2013, 9:01 am
Callista wrote:
I don't know it's really an "empathy" issue so much as a "mirror-emotion" issue.
You see, there are different kinds of empathy.
Cognitive empathy: The ability to work out what another person is feeling.
Altruism: The desire to help someone who is suffering.
Mirror-emotion empathy: The tendency to copy other people's feelings.
In this situation, you have cognitive empathy and altruism: You understand that your bunny is being neglected, with not much to do and on one occasion having had to go three days without food (possibly having to eat his bedding, which was probably not very tasty).
The only kind of empathy you're missing is the kind that causes you to "catch" other people's emotions just by seeing them. Neurotypicals will look at each other, and if they see that the other person is feeling happy, they will start to automatically feel happy. Same with sadness, fear, anger... It's the reason for lynch mobs and panics. It's also the reason why NTs can pull together and do amazing things when they feel for someone else. Without this mirror-emotion empathy, you can see your bunny hungry but not suffer yourself.
Now, you are being pretty mature about this. You notice that you do not automatically feel what your bunny is feeling, and that therefore your bunny is not getting its needs met. Your love for your pet is a simple fact, rather than an emotional tie, which has led you to conclude that, logically, if your pet will be better off elsewhere, then you should give the bunny away. (The very fact that you are worrying about your bunny's welfare tells me that you do have empathy when it counts.)
In the end, it doesn't matter all that much why your bunny is being neglected. The fact is that he is--he doesn't get played with much, and though your mom is making sure his basic needs are being met, he doesn't have much company or much to do. If you know of a person who would adopt your bunny and give him a better environment, then giving him away would actually show a lot of empathy.
I've been recently working on my autism memorial project, and there are parents out there who neglected their autistic children for far longer than three days. Because they refused to ask for help, claimed to "love" their children while still not meeting their needs, their children died. You are a mile ahead of these people by understanding the reality of your bunny's needs and wanting to have them met--even if that means he will no longer stay with you.
Most of those parents are neurotypical. And you're worrying about an animal, not a child. Are you really sure you don't have any empathy? The sort of "love" that clings to a child that a mother can't care for, even when the child is suffering, is not love at all.
So here's my advice: If you can't find a way to make sure that your bunny is being cared for, yes, you should give him away, and no, that would not be evidence that you lack empathy. Does your mother like your bunny? If so, she might be willing to formally adopt him--move him to her room, make him formally her pet instead of yours. Otherwise, you might be able to ask around among relatives. There are also "rabbit rescues" in some places that could help you find an adoptive home.
You see, there are different kinds of empathy.
Cognitive empathy: The ability to work out what another person is feeling.
Altruism: The desire to help someone who is suffering.
Mirror-emotion empathy: The tendency to copy other people's feelings.
In this situation, you have cognitive empathy and altruism: You understand that your bunny is being neglected, with not much to do and on one occasion having had to go three days without food (possibly having to eat his bedding, which was probably not very tasty).
The only kind of empathy you're missing is the kind that causes you to "catch" other people's emotions just by seeing them. Neurotypicals will look at each other, and if they see that the other person is feeling happy, they will start to automatically feel happy. Same with sadness, fear, anger... It's the reason for lynch mobs and panics. It's also the reason why NTs can pull together and do amazing things when they feel for someone else. Without this mirror-emotion empathy, you can see your bunny hungry but not suffer yourself.
Now, you are being pretty mature about this. You notice that you do not automatically feel what your bunny is feeling, and that therefore your bunny is not getting its needs met. Your love for your pet is a simple fact, rather than an emotional tie, which has led you to conclude that, logically, if your pet will be better off elsewhere, then you should give the bunny away. (The very fact that you are worrying about your bunny's welfare tells me that you do have empathy when it counts.)
In the end, it doesn't matter all that much why your bunny is being neglected. The fact is that he is--he doesn't get played with much, and though your mom is making sure his basic needs are being met, he doesn't have much company or much to do. If you know of a person who would adopt your bunny and give him a better environment, then giving him away would actually show a lot of empathy.
I've been recently working on my autism memorial project, and there are parents out there who neglected their autistic children for far longer than three days. Because they refused to ask for help, claimed to "love" their children while still not meeting their needs, their children died. You are a mile ahead of these people by understanding the reality of your bunny's needs and wanting to have them met--even if that means he will no longer stay with you.
Most of those parents are neurotypical. And you're worrying about an animal, not a child. Are you really sure you don't have any empathy? The sort of "love" that clings to a child that a mother can't care for, even when the child is suffering, is not love at all.
So here's my advice: If you can't find a way to make sure that your bunny is being cared for, yes, you should give him away, and no, that would not be evidence that you lack empathy. Does your mother like your bunny? If so, she might be willing to formally adopt him--move him to her room, make him formally her pet instead of yours. Otherwise, you might be able to ask around among relatives. There are also "rabbit rescues" in some places that could help you find an adoptive home.
Thank you for this response. Also I guess I'm different with animals. I lack cognitive empathy and mirror emotions with people I know that much but with animals I guess I'm different? It's true but I don't quite understand it. Again thank you for this response.
I'm gonna call my aunt today and see if they want him.
28 Jul 2013, 9:07 am
HopefulFlower wrote:
Callista wrote:
I don't know it's really an "empathy" issue so much as a "mirror-emotion" issue.
You see, there are different kinds of empathy.
Cognitive empathy: The ability to work out what another person is feeling.
Altruism: The desire to help someone who is suffering.
Mirror-emotion empathy: The tendency to copy other people's feelings.
In this situation, you have cognitive empathy and altruism: You understand that your bunny is being neglected, with not much to do and on one occasion having had to go three days without food (possibly having to eat his bedding, which was probably not very tasty).
The only kind of empathy you're missing is the kind that causes you to "catch" other people's emotions just by seeing them. Neurotypicals will look at each other, and if they see that the other person is feeling happy, they will start to automatically feel happy. Same with sadness, fear, anger... It's the reason for lynch mobs and panics. It's also the reason why NTs can pull together and do amazing things when they feel for someone else. Without this mirror-emotion empathy, you can see your bunny hungry but not suffer yourself.
Now, you are being pretty mature about this. You notice that you do not automatically feel what your bunny is feeling, and that therefore your bunny is not getting its needs met. Your love for your pet is a simple fact, rather than an emotional tie, which has led you to conclude that, logically, if your pet will be better off elsewhere, then you should give the bunny away. (The very fact that you are worrying about your bunny's welfare tells me that you do have empathy when it counts.)
In the end, it doesn't matter all that much why your bunny is being neglected. The fact is that he is--he doesn't get played with much, and though your mom is making sure his basic needs are being met, he doesn't have much company or much to do. If you know of a person who would adopt your bunny and give him a better environment, then giving him away would actually show a lot of empathy.
I've been recently working on my autism memorial project, and there are parents out there who neglected their autistic children for far longer than three days. Because they refused to ask for help, claimed to "love" their children while still not meeting their needs, their children died. You are a mile ahead of these people by understanding the reality of your bunny's needs and wanting to have them met--even if that means he will no longer stay with you.
Most of those parents are neurotypical. And you're worrying about an animal, not a child. Are you really sure you don't have any empathy? The sort of "love" that clings to a child that a mother can't care for, even when the child is suffering, is not love at all.
So here's my advice: If you can't find a way to make sure that your bunny is being cared for, yes, you should give him away, and no, that would not be evidence that you lack empathy. Does your mother like your bunny? If so, she might be willing to formally adopt him--move him to her room, make him formally her pet instead of yours. Otherwise, you might be able to ask around among relatives. There are also "rabbit rescues" in some places that could help you find an adoptive home.
You see, there are different kinds of empathy.
Cognitive empathy: The ability to work out what another person is feeling.
Altruism: The desire to help someone who is suffering.
Mirror-emotion empathy: The tendency to copy other people's feelings.
In this situation, you have cognitive empathy and altruism: You understand that your bunny is being neglected, with not much to do and on one occasion having had to go three days without food (possibly having to eat his bedding, which was probably not very tasty).
The only kind of empathy you're missing is the kind that causes you to "catch" other people's emotions just by seeing them. Neurotypicals will look at each other, and if they see that the other person is feeling happy, they will start to automatically feel happy. Same with sadness, fear, anger... It's the reason for lynch mobs and panics. It's also the reason why NTs can pull together and do amazing things when they feel for someone else. Without this mirror-emotion empathy, you can see your bunny hungry but not suffer yourself.
Now, you are being pretty mature about this. You notice that you do not automatically feel what your bunny is feeling, and that therefore your bunny is not getting its needs met. Your love for your pet is a simple fact, rather than an emotional tie, which has led you to conclude that, logically, if your pet will be better off elsewhere, then you should give the bunny away. (The very fact that you are worrying about your bunny's welfare tells me that you do have empathy when it counts.)
In the end, it doesn't matter all that much why your bunny is being neglected. The fact is that he is--he doesn't get played with much, and though your mom is making sure his basic needs are being met, he doesn't have much company or much to do. If you know of a person who would adopt your bunny and give him a better environment, then giving him away would actually show a lot of empathy.
I've been recently working on my autism memorial project, and there are parents out there who neglected their autistic children for far longer than three days. Because they refused to ask for help, claimed to "love" their children while still not meeting their needs, their children died. You are a mile ahead of these people by understanding the reality of your bunny's needs and wanting to have them met--even if that means he will no longer stay with you.
Most of those parents are neurotypical. And you're worrying about an animal, not a child. Are you really sure you don't have any empathy? The sort of "love" that clings to a child that a mother can't care for, even when the child is suffering, is not love at all.
So here's my advice: If you can't find a way to make sure that your bunny is being cared for, yes, you should give him away, and no, that would not be evidence that you lack empathy. Does your mother like your bunny? If so, she might be willing to formally adopt him--move him to her room, make him formally her pet instead of yours. Otherwise, you might be able to ask around among relatives. There are also "rabbit rescues" in some places that could help you find an adoptive home.
Thank you for this response. Also I guess I'm different with animals. I lack cognitive empathy and mirror emotions with people I know that much but with animals I guess I'm different? It's true but I don't quite understand it. Again thank you for this response.
I'm gonna call my aunt today and see if they want him.as hard as it is for you, you are probably doing the right thing, bunnies need lots of lover and attention.
_________________
Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house
I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.
28 Jul 2013, 8:29 pm
HopefulFlower wrote:
We had to bug bomb the house so we also cleaned the cage and got him a new mat. While transferring him a couple times I got to cuddle him and hold him close to my chest. I'm gonna give this another shot and follow skibum's tips.
I am so glad to hear that. That is wonderful. Your bunny loves you as much as you love him and I know that you will learn to take great care of him. It's a beautiful relationship.
Shellfish
Velociraptor
Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 485
Location: Melbourne, Australia
28 Jul 2013, 9:46 pm
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