Aspergers vs. Avoidant/Dependent Personality Disorders

Post Reply New Topic

I have run into this problem of being ignored and being discounted a lot and have noticed it takes just one person to look at me, turn his or her body toward me, speak to me, show that they are including me, to change this.

A lot of people want to be included and I think will change their behavior without much thought if they feel excluded, so my take is that when that one person acts to include me, it leaves people out if they don't, too.

If you are with people who are truly friends, maybe they would do this for you, too. It is an awful experience, to be excluded as if one did not exist. But sometimes, just one good example improves everyone's behavior. Though I can't say this results in true friendships. And I have to admit, the person I'd want for a friend, they would not do this to me or others in the first place. But sometimes, it helps to not have to deal with in your face rudeness, and your friend or family member or coworker you are with can maybe make a difference for you by not being part of it and ignoring you, too.

I also speak to anyone that speak to me. And that isn't anyone really, unless it is in school or people that have to speak to me as part of their job. Like you I can smile at someone and they just look away. It's really hard to start to talk to people, and my therapist said I should just talk to people like it's the simplest thing ever. But I sense no interest. If I were to not take any initiative, no one would speak to me or smile at me.

It seems to work for other people. This could be weird people or these aspie that won't follow social norms, dress badly and are not that pleasant. I try hard and I look normal and dress well enough. I don't know what would be wrong with me. I try hard to fit in and I'm way nicer than a lot of the other aspie I meet. Even if I acknowledge that I have made mistakes in my interaction with others before and have avoided getting close to people and have avoided self disclosure because of this AvPD and fear of being rejected, there is no interest in me really. I had planned for this summer to break out of this AvPD a bit and try to make a friend that would know I'm aspie and everything, but I haven't managed that. I tried, but nothing took off. (I do think it was them and not me, but it's hard anyway.) Anyway I do think I feel a lot like you feel Joe90 and have the same worries.

I agree. Especially if the client is sensitive, a person can tend to 'live up to' or 'live down to' the way a strong personality, or person in charge, sees them. To the feedback the client is given.

In other words, a lot of shrinks see a person "as" the disorder. I've seen some decide early on "this is the case" and then basically, interact through that filter, instead of seeing, hey this is a mysterious being in front of me, who shows some of this, some of that, but why not reward the good aspects and see if those strengthen?

I've often said that therapy is really re-parenting. And some are just bad parents.

I am going for counselling, but I still don't feel it will be enough for me. It's just 6 sessions, 50 minutes at a time, and they aren't really trained about Asperger's Syndrome, just more so for NT people with depression or have things gone wrong in their lives like marriage issues, etc.

But me, I have problems that go round in a vicious circle, and I am unsure of how to break that vicious circle. I seem to be afraid of a lot of things, like rejection, loss, being judged, all of that kind of social negativeness what some people out there seem to think it's OK to throw at you.

I need enough therapy with a person who is professionally trained for dealing with people on the spectrum, to help try to get to the bottom of all of my issues, for as long as it needs to take. Even if it takes two years. I think my problem is I haven't found my center. My center is crushed by all of these co-morbids and emotions, and I need to break through and actually realise who I really am. At the moment I just feel like I am a person who is disturbed by the fact that I was born with Asperger's Syndrome, and feel insecure about myself because of bad experiences from people in my life, and have a mental list of things that push my buttons what make me lash out at my family in verbally unpleasant ways what makes everyone angry with me and I end up feeling guilty as well as isolated. And there's so much more. I need really thorough therapy to help me get to the bottom of all of these issues, knowing exactly where the vicious circle begins and where it ends, going over and over it, writing things down, drawing diagrams, even role-playing using little figures, all in one room with the same counselor, until we can ''crack the code'', and it won't cure me but may reduce some of the symptoms of my co-morbids, making me feel like a much happier person inside. That is what I need but is easier said than done to find a scheme like that in my area.

I really feel badly for you reading your post, and hesitate to make any suggestions, as you may have tried everything.

If you want to read on, my thoughts are that what you describe reminds me of what it is like trying to access school services in the US. Often, the child has to fail first before any services will be put in place, meaning before the district will pay for anything. And it really helps to have within the system, and outside of the system, people who will advocate.

If you can be successful in helping the counselor see what your life is like, even if short on knowledge about ASD, he or she may have the ability to push the system for you. Perhaps there is a specialist center that they could make the referral to, or some more local support. Again, I apologize if I am restating the obvious for you, but I think it does matter if others gain an understanding of your difficulties, or just respond in a superficial way.

While you probably don't want people to overreact and take over, I believe trying to communicate emotional pain, no matter how severe, even to a professional experienced in treating people with ASD, can fail if they expect and do not see a particular level and type of emotion that simply won't be identically expressed (even if it feels the same) by someone who has ASD as by someone who does not. But if they're any good, a counselor may recognize where you are and what is real to you and perhaps be the advocate that pushes the system to respond to you. Knowledgeable about AS or not, if someone within the system cares and believes in you, they may help or push others enough to make a difference.

I have a couple of the dependent ones but I don't have any type of diagnosis. In fact, this is the first time I have ever seen those lists.

Is this someone that knows AvPD? Or someone that meets patients with any condition so mostly see NT with depression and such? I went to a therapist like that general kind, fresh from school in primary care. Basically I was told just to speak to people otherwise nothing would happen. It's this do it yourself cognitive therapy thing, to "just do it", and it didn't work well for me.

Perhaps you are able to find someone that knows either AvPD or AS? I would think both groups are fairly common patients in the system. If you ask around there might be someone specialised or some program like group therapy, if you are comfortable with that. There could be something in your trust if you are able to find it. I'm really not saying that it is easy to find and get accepted into, or that such things exist for you. Just that it could be worth investigating. I do mean this in the nicest way possible. Myself I had problems getting to the disability center because I had depressive problems that were something primary care clinic should handle, they said.


I do think I understand that about finding your center. Some people with AS I see seem to fare way better than me socially, even though my social skills are much better. Now I think I suffer depression, anxiety, AvPD and some weird eating disorder thing. Not sure who I am really. They should be fixable. Like you could most likely work out your co-morbids with the right help.

Like how we are treated and appreciated and get along with others seems really important in establishing a picture of ourselves. Some sort of accurate self image.

On wikipedia I read about SPD (which is far from what we have but interesting nonetheless). And AS doesn't make it any easier.

I have excessive avoidance, on or off line.