Aspergers and hiding away, not wanting attention etc.

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Marybird, I think you are right in that there is an aspect of expectation, of knowing that they expect something from you which could be something uncomfortable/a confrontation. I wonder if this has got to do with confidence. If one is confident, this should not be too big of a problem.

I don't think it has to do with confidence. I could be confident or not confident and it would not make a difference. It is being overwhelmed or overloaded and not liking the attention. I am confident in talking about things I know about. I don't like attention brought to myself, weather negative or positive.

I don't like it when I am in a grocery store or other kind of store and the employees shout "hello" or ask how you are because it is company policy for them to do that. Forced social interaction is very strange.

I have been on the receiving end of attention, over the years, due to various circumstances and abilities. Trying to deal with a constant flow of 'overwhelming emotion/excitement' etc, burnt me out. Lots of people wanting input from me. I was better in a one to one setting; but even that now, has become too overwhelming.

I 'pretended' through it all, whilst being utterly confused regarding simple communication and social skills. Many said I was a natural with people; but I knew my 'act' was draining sooo much out of me.

I have abilities in the arts that could still get me lots of attention now, but I choose to avoid it all. I would love to be able to function in this chosen field, more publicly, as others do, but the cost to my mind and physical health is too great.

So I now keep to myself. It is a very big regret. Dealing with the 'sensory overload' of trying to bite off more than I can chew, from the perceived 'normal world of the NT', is too much for me.

So basically, my 'inner song', my creative expression goes unheard. It makes me very sad too.

You are right. Even if it is neutral or positive attention, I often don't like it either. Not about confidence.

Seems like it really is difficult to change.

I sympathize, since I shrink from the limelight, too-
so I understand the agony (yet the relief)
of "keeping your light under a bushel", i.e. shielding one's gifts.

Quite possibly because it's not wrong. I don't know where you're getting the idea that it is.

I don't like feeling this way because people don't respect/like me when I am that way, and I need company. People end up abusing me when I act that way. So it is only wrong because it is wrong to the majority of other people not because I find it wrong. But I cannot change what the majority of other people think.

reading this makes me feel very sad. i have some great creative abilities, but do find it hard to pursue them. but I don't think I'm ever gonna stop pursuing them and showing people my talent. I don't ever want to regret not sharing my talent with people. Even if it does make me feel akward and scared. I can really see how you made that decision and how you must feel much more relaxed in life. But I truly hope I will never give up on pursuing my creative hobbies.

may I ask what you used to do creatively?

I don't think this is the same thing but sometimes I wish I could turn invisible and could attend any location I wanted without being seen or judged or expected to talk or anything like that, because I would be invisible. I sometimes wish that. I'd like to just sit and watch people socialising but without the awkwardness of feeling that I should be.

But I get what you mean. Sometimes when I'm at home I think of places like the supermarket, and try to imagine what is going on there at this very moment (which is easy to imagine) then think, ''glad I'm not there.'' Also I think of the high street on week-end nights, thinking ''oh my God I'm safely away and do not exist as far as all these party animals are concerned. I'm just safe in my bath or bed, and if these weirdos want to pick on somebody for cheap entertainment, it won't be me because I'm safely tucked away.'' And then I get lost in my films.

I'm very similar to how you describe yourself in those situations. I like to go certain places where there are lots of people, but I want to be "invisible". If it's outdoors, I wear a baseball hat and sun glasses, and I always have my iPhone handy to be able to pretend to be reading a very important text, etc., if anyone starts to act like they're going to come up to me. I never sit around in public, as I'm always walking busily and deliberately, so as to discourage polite people from disrupting my progress by stopping me. It works 80% of the time, and when it doesn't, I just try to deal with it as best I can, and answer whatever the person asks (or do what they want, if it's reasonable).

On the other hand, sometimes I'm OK with being center of attention, if it's about something I'm heavily into. Case in point, I went to Reno, NV last weekend to attend a classic car auction, and I decided to wear the type of clothes (shorts and a snug tank top), which let people see that I'm a fairly well-developed bodybuilder. Therefore, I got stopped by a lot of people wanting to know what my workout routine is, and what I eat, etc. I don't mind sharing stuff like that, but it has to be on my terms. When I got sick of it, I put my baggy shirt back on, and once again disappeared into the crowd.

Charles