Why does this forum exist?

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Because after 7 days a week of trying to be normal, and trying to function normally...it's a relief to just have someone I can actually relate to or someone that goes through the same thing.

I can take off the mask, actually talk about things with someone who isn't going to call me wacked, crazy, or stupid.

It's not a "crutch"...it's acceptance...I've been like this for 40 years...no matter how long I try or how hard I try to be "normal"....It's not going to happen, and right now I wouldn't want it anymore if it could happen.

A few years ago, when I was first diagnosed, I might have asked the same thing. I guess for me, sometimes socializing with "normal" people just isn't worth it. Socializing is something people do to feel at ease, which it will do for me sometimes, but only when I'm in a better mood. Talking to people here makes me feel at ease. It makes me feel human.

Beenthere - just so you know...most "normal" people aren't normal so you aint' missing much!

Alright, I can see the reason. Thank you all. And I think I will stay, so long as I am welcome.

Welcome!

EDIT: no real point in posting this since you already said you see what the point is, i hadn't finished reading all the posts before i decided to reply

Hi Devin J,
While I echo the voices urging you to make the choice you feel is best for yourself, i feel compelled to address your assertion that you do not support any 'glorification of a lack of social skills...' I do not perceive myself as lacking in any way. Since NT's form a majority population across all demographic categories, definitions of what constitute appropriate skills & regrettable insufficiencies have been determined solely from their perspective. An analogy would be the determining of what constitutes beauty in early to mid. 20th c America. Since White Anglo-Saxons formed the dominant social group, they determined that characteristics reflecting their ancestry were indicators of beauty. The whiter you looked, the better you were; feeatures like those of a Japanese beauty or a Black woman were not seen as beautiful or even as desirable variations amongst the human species; but as signs of a DEFIFIENCY to be CORRECTED! You are doing the same with AS people. We aren't deficient; just peruse the reams of conversation & commuication on this site. We are differently abled and many of us do not feel we need to be 'fixed' any more than many Asian women feel they need round eyes & blonde hair to be beautiful or than a Black woman needs to have pale skin & light eyes to be good enough! You might think about your attitude towards different ways of being. Personally, I have found many NT's to be emotional basket cases with messed up lives despite their allegedly superior social skills which are often nothing more than the ability (or WILLINGNESS to deceive & mislead through hiding behind a collection of social masks). I'm unwilling to perform a social soft-shoe in order to conform to an NT fabricated standard of what 'adequate social skills' must look like; in all people & at all times. Eye contact and casual physical contact is, in many Asian cultures, considered impolite. People instead bow, don't 'eyeball' eachother or casually rub upper arms, bear-hug, kiss on the cheeks. Personal space is respected. Are the Japanese all Aspies or socially deficient? No! They merely do things differently. AS people do things differently too. It is high time NT's get over themselves & the idea that their way is the correct and only way. We AS people don't need repairs!

I'm content with the amount of social interaction I get irl. Honestly, I can't take a whole lot because I find it draining. To socialize online takes a lot less energy. And conversing with Aspies-- or just eccentric people in general-- are the people I feel most comfortable with; people I have the most in common with. Someone who's main thrill in life is partying and drinking as opposed to thinking and learning, this isn't usually someone I "click" with.

I was told by my doctor to try communicating with other people that had AS. He suggested I try looking for an online community as it would be easier to find a large group of people and it would allow me to be more comfortable.

Then I stumbled onto here.

To be honest I was going to start a similar thread and heres why:

From what I read so far on here most threads are pointless and watered down by silly and seemingly impetuous comments. A lot of them also seem to be huge whinge fests while everyone holds hands and has a cry about how terrible the world is and how nothing can be done about it. Very few threads contain interesting discussion and a lot of them just bring back undersirable memories of demons I have already slayed. I wonder if this forum really just gives people an excuse not to try to improve themselves and just go round in circles for the rest of forever.

mumstheword: I can appreciate that you would find this forum useful for exactly these reasons because essentially you get to peek inside our heads and get a heads up on the issues your child will face in the imminent and distant future. Therefore I wonder if this place can only be considered a wonderful elucidating resource for those 'on the outside'.

I realise some of you may be offended by these comments but I am just telling it like it is. I think people with the disorder should want to improve, I know I do. Just think how unstoppable and amazing of a person you could be if you learned to beat the NT's at their own game as well as maintaining your tremendous gifts. The reason most of you don't enjoy life is because it's unbalanced whether it is comfortable to accept or not.

This forum is for aspies who live in a world of normals. It's the same kind of thing as a forum for, say, Japanese with permanent residence in New York City.

You could argue that they "should" assimilate by associating exclusively with locals... but certainly there are tips they can share with each other about how to navigate cultural differences? How to avoid making the same mistake twice?

My views would probably read something like those just expressed by game_developer. I do, however, also agree with a lot of what nb411 said.

I would very much like to post my own personal views in full; however, I have just come home from work and am too worn out from trying to fit in with NT's all day. As the Americans say, "go figure".

Brendan

Hi Devin_J

Welcome to WP. I'm pretty new to this site and I can understand some of your concerns, but I don't think of WP as a crutch. It is an opportunity to talk to like-minded people.

Like a lot of people here, I live in the NeuroTypical (NT or "normal" - much as I hate to use the word) world most of the time. I have a job with (mostly) NT colleagues, I have an NT wife and kids, socialise with NT people (if/when I have to), and go to a Church full of NTs. As I grew up, I had no diagnosis and went to an NT school with kids who would make no concession for my unusual outlook. At school I suffered some bullying, because I didn't conform to the stereotype.

During a large percentage of my daily life, I conform to NT type, to avoid problems and/or ridicule. This is very stressful, and sometimes means that, when I'm relaxed at home, I fall out with my family over minor misunderstandings, because I spend the whole day trying to act "normal" and avoid conflict. Over the years I have reached a point whereby I can pretty much pass as NT most of the time, but this doesn't always make things easier.

WP has provided me with the opportunity to see that there are others out in the world who have the same concerns, symptoms, outlook etc. It is a major relief to me to have access to a community that feels the same, after spending nearly 20 years knowing my condition without really knowing anyone prepared to chat about it, or put up with my poor conversation skills.

Sometimes people want to vent, because there are no other outlets for them. Often people will just want to "chat" generally on WP, without the stresses that conversation in the "real world" can bring.

I hope this made sense - see, I even obsess about my "virtual" conversation skills

Well I came to WP to meet people like me, because I spend an awful lot of time around NT's.