What ''should'' I do when joining a bus stop?

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Read the timetable to be sure of times, and stand to the side and wait for the bus.

I get awkward and anxious too. Just ignore people and listen to music or look off into the distance.

I was told by my sister to never put my bag on the seat. The bus fills up fast so logic says you need to make the extra room. It's inevitable that the seat will be taken eventually.

I have a lot of anxiety about travelling on buses but sometimes you just have to go through it.

Think more about the destination than the feelings you experience to get there.

Just admit that anxiety will never go away. Give all your worries a name and the feelings will be easier to manage.

Whatever you want. You're overthinking this.
What I do is to either read a book or just stand around ignoring people.

I pull out a cigarette and smoke while ignoring people. If they try to have talk time with me I blow smoke in their face.

Social skills, lesson 1:
"Only care about yourself and the people whom it benefits you to care about - ignore the rest."

So at the bus stop you should ignore all other people unless it might somehow benefit you to interact with them - for instance if you need help.

Sad it is that way, but that's what the socially clever does - only cares about his own interests. If you don't, many socially clever people are soon enough going to sense that and possibly exploit it in favour of their own interests.


As an example, the socially naiive person might think companies hand out samples of their products to strangers on the street, just to make people feel better and help them. The truth is, companies only care about their own interests, they only hand out product samples on the street if the believe they might get more customers as a result in the future.

Only the socially naiive person does anything without it benefitting their own interest - they'll end up realizing they are fooling themselves, because there is no such thing as fairness in life.

I have HFA and am in my forties. I have a licence but I have no car and prefer public transport anyway. I still catch buses. So like, what's with autists and bus stops anyway?
I even wrote a joke about this, its not very good:
q: where do autists go to get predated?
a: the local bus stop.

When I want to catch a bus, I just walk right up to that bus stop, check the time table, and loiter. I allow myself to sidle away from people if they make me feel uncomfortable. I'm very comfortable projecting an air of cagey-ness anyway, I'm tall and often shabby looking. This helps to keep people away. When I want to attract people, I wear attractive clothing. I'm also hyper-vigilant (having been assaulted in public regularly during my adolescence) and so I maintain an awareness of those waiting at the stop. I actually prefer to be at a stop with people though, I encounter less harassment from car drivers.

No-one wants to establish friendship at a bus stop. What people most want is their bus. Any people engaged in conversation are usually together (friend, family, gang member whatever) and not interested in new acquaintances. If there is a crowd at a stop I find disturbing, unsettling... and if time permits, I will walk to the next bus stop.

At a bus stop, there is no obligation to make any social contact _unless_ someone makes a social overture in your direction. In that situation, offering a friendly smile (if possible) and engaging good manners will usually avoid trouble. Even then, there is no obligation to engage in chatter. People seeking a connection at the bus stop are usually aiming to make the time go by, or they're about to demand something, like the time, bus information, cigarettes or change. "Sorry I don't have any change" usually works if you don't want to hand it over. They may swear and curse at you, but you don't need to take it on board. That person is just disgruntled and will move on to the next mark.

If someone starts chatting at you, I would suggest people that you take advantage of an opportunity to practice your chit chat skills (if possible) when conversational people start bothering you at bus stops. They're usually friendly and harmless, and if you screw up socially, you probably won't see them again anyway so it probably won't really matter. Occasionally something good can happen, like sharing a laugh with a stranger, or even making a friend. I'm actually quite staggered by the mindless crap that automatically flows out of my mouth in response to the mindless chit chat of others (I hate performing chit chat by the way, almost as much as I hate waiting for a bus).

Well I do see a lot of youngsters with their bags on the next seat so it's nothing new. Also if the bus is filling up (I get on this bus so much that I know what times get the busiest and what bus stops are the most popular, so I'm always prepared), I remove my bag. I only put it there because I don't like putting it on the floor by my feet, and I don't always like having it on my lap unless I have to. It gives me more room to move. But once I was looking out of the window when I suddenly found my bag being thrown on my lap and a woman sitting there. I just don't like people picking up my personal belongings. I would never do that myself to anyone. I would just ask them if I can sit there, and if for some reason they don't move their bag then I'd just sit somewhere else. If there aren't other seats available, then I would ask the person again if I can sit there, like, ''excuse me, can I sit here, please?''

I suppose if I done that to an NT, the answer would be different. ''Oh no you shouldn't have done that, they could have been saving the seat next to them for a friend or something, you should have asked them first if you could sit there, it's not the poor NT being rude, it's you.''

Decades long bus rider here. Strangers starting conversations at bus stop with me are rare but when they do occur it is to request information, when is the next bus coming, does this bus go to this destination. Occasionally you get somebody complaining the bus is late or bad service in general.

When getting the bus, I always try to remember who is at the stop so that I do not jump the queue by mistake. It is a huge mistake if you do this. In the middle of the day there are usually one or two older people who know each other and chat while ignoring me which makes me feel really horrible. The worst thing is that I do not know all the bus times and often need to look at the timetable on the shelter. When designing the shelters, some person stupidly decided to put the notices directly over the seat and inevitably someone is sitting just where I need to look and they NEVER move to one side so I have to lean over to read the bus times. I hate this so much.

Social interaction with strangers at bus stops do not make me anxious.

I was talking more about what to do in the first 5-8 seconds of joining a queue at a bus stop that's neither here nor there. I feel like there's something wrong in me just stopping, like I don't know what to do next. Once I've been standing there for a few seconds I then begin to feel relaxed again.

This feeling doesn't just occur at bus stops, it can also be when waiting for somebody outside a shop, or standing in a post office. I feel like I have to busy my hands when standing still, otherwise I'm too conscious of myself and everybody around me. I also hate it when I'm standing somewhere and people are coming towards me. I feel if I move my head away or start fiddling, it might make me look nervous. But if I just carry on looking in the direction people are coming from, I feel that they feel that I'm staring at them, and then I see them staring at me in the corner of my eye, which makes me feel self-conscious. I'm so afraid of intimidating other people too, which is why I dislike making eye contact.

Ohh, it's all a vicious cycle!

When you first show up to the bus stop?

Check the time. Because then you'll know how long it'll be until the bus shows up.

It's a thing that uses at least one hand. (Good)

It's a thing that makes sense to do socially. (Good for someone who cares about that like you)

It's a thing that's quick, but is something to do to change mindsets into bus mindset (Good)


If you have a smartphone, mindless games on the phone are good for playing too. But, checking the time is what I'd first recommend for when you first get to the stop.

You evidently have much better service then us.

I usually stand off a bit, and maybe find something to lean up against. I try not to get too physically close to others who are waiting. I learned at some point to let those who were there before me get on first--mostly out of an abundance of caution. I got scolded a few years ago for cutting in front of someone, even though there was no line, just a blob of humanity.

Joe is correct, the lady in question was rude to move someone's bag and sit down. If someone starts moving towards my seat and there are no other seats available on the bus (particularly if they are an old age pensioner) I will move my bag for them to sit there. However, if there are other seats available I may not. At such a time if they really must sit by me I'd prefer them to politely ask me to move my bag please rather than just pick it up and throw it on my lap. I would ask before touching someone's property and I would ask if they minded before sitting down!

I'd simply walk up to them and say "Excuse me, but would you mind if I take this seat please?" and then I would wait for a reply or for them to move their bag before sitting down. If they ignored me, I'd ask again. If they ignored me again I'd just go stand up somewhere instead.

And aye, I expect if the roles had been reversed the NTs would have complained about it. But then NT's are not in my good books at the moment. Years of rejection and rude behaviour by them takes it toll.

And that's, er, a social skill, is it? Sounds more like an antisocial skill.



This might be your personal experience in one or two situations that have stuck in your memory, but it's not how most people behave You're treating a stand at the bus-stop as though it were an audition for Dragon's Den!

Say there's an old lady, struggling to get her pull-along tartan trolley on board the bus.

What you gonna do? Walk round her, in case by demonstrating a momentary kindness to her and helping her, the rest of the bus passengers might start queuing up to exploit you? Or the old lady will start demanding that you pay for her fare as well?



Now you're making a conceptual leap, from interpersonal to corporate behaviour. Attempting to equate those two things would indeed be naïve, but that's another matter.



That's not true. thank God, or we wouldn't have a word for 'altruism'.

And you seem to be protesting against the real world-lack of everyday karma in obvious operation. That, I would submit, is quite socially-naïve in its own way.

Last edited by CharityFunDay on 06 Nov 2013, 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

If it helps any I often feel that by making eye contact I am challenging a person or something. It just does not feel comfortable. I tend to look at other parts of the face like the mouth although I can become distracted by their dental work as a result (for example a lady was talking to me at the gym the other day. She was blathering on about some new health drink that was excellent yet seemed to have slightly rotten front teeth at the top near the gum and a funny mark on her lip...I spent the whole time being distracted by it and trying not to stare...) instead but I try to look in such a way that I am looking at them rather than into space. I have a terrible habit of looking at things around me when talking to people (the pattern on the carpet, the lamp, the table in the corner, the bush behind the bus stop if I am out and so on).

However they see it as an invite to chat so if I want to make contact with someone I have taught myself to lock eyes with them as long as I don't stare at them for too long. It is distracting as I have to monitor this and make a conscious effort to do it whilst trying not to look weird by staring them down by mistake or something. I want a conversation not a fist fight.

Approaching time table to check times is a good suggestion, I do that even though I know when the bus is due although it does not hurt to make sure in case they have made changes.

You don't have to do anything. You can just stand there quietly and wait for the bus. You can smile politely to the other people or you can even say hello but it's not required. Just standing quietly and waiting patiently is fine.