Going Public
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,508
Location: Long Island, New York
03 Nov 2013, 2:32 pm
As far as becoming unemployed or thrown out: this is irrational fear and assuming the worst. We all do this mostly because of the way our minds work and a history of being mistreated combined with bad luck. We tend to make things much "bigger" in our minds than they are in reality.
Throw the crutch away. Learn to thrive in your discomfort zone. Our minds can do many things better than NT without any extra energy (math, science, whatever), but we get frustrated when things are difficult. Force yourself to improve where you need to. I understand that many of us will never be fully independent, but many of us are very independent and it seems those of us who never had a diagnosis early in life never had a crutch.
I am not speaking to all ASD; I am speaking to those that can receive what I am saying in hopes they will advocate for those who cannot. I wonder if my kids will ever be fully independent, but I will put exhaustive energy into trying to ensure they are.
I kicked myself out. I was 24 and tired of being in my room on the computer most of my life. I knew how to push my parents buttons so I made the situation uncomfortable enough that I had to seek another way. (This was before I knew what I am.)
Since then I have gotten married, I have 2 kids. I have had good times and bad. I have made a lot of money and I have been flat broke several times. I have to change jobs every couple years because the aspie me starts to show and I get shunned. This is the life we were served; make it better for yourself and do your best to make it better for those like you.
I had no choice but to survive; aspergers did not exist when I was young; I was just a bad kid with no friends that did not get expelled solely because I made straight A's. A couple of times ADHD was mentioned to my parents-they would have none of that. In my twenties with all the panic attacks they said GAD then bipolar. Mountains of xanax (prescribed) later I said to hell with doctors and sobered up. My kids are both diag'd ASD (aspergers)-this started the journey to why, which in turn lead to me being diagnosed.
Being thrown out or unemployed is not and irrational fear but a very very very rational one. There are enough studies and post after post after post after post here to make it seem highly rational. I come from the pre knowing about it era also. Not having a diagnoses did help in some of the ways you mentioned and back then people were shunned but job skills were of more importance via social skills then they are today and there are studies to back that up I posted one in the work section. I did not get as nearly far as you but I feel blessed to have gotten way way farther then most because many did end up institutionalized, in the street, underemployed and those are the people who survived to post here. The ones that did not can't post here. They froze to death they drugged themselves to death, there mental health deteriorated, there psychically health deteriorated but what they really died of or have deteriorated from was stress because they chose to or were forced to live constantly in the discomfort zone. I agree that some discomfort is needed for motivation, but evidence is overwhelming of the wide variety damage too much stress does. Why can't there be a middle ground?
But since you want to yourself and others with means want to advocate I have a few suggestions. Somebody mentioned starting and aspie employment agency I don't know about that but starting and agency or encouraging other business leaders to reverse the Social skills over job skills trend in hiring. Schools are a problem. There was a need for accountability and as usual there has been a destructive overreaction. Back in the day schools recognized differences and tailored instruction around that. Some of that tailoring was good a lot highly destructive. Today individualism is actively being discouraged. Instead being associated with innovation it is associated with greed/great recession. If you are different we have drugs to cure you. Since recess is being phased out evidently being a normal kid is an inappropriate. How about using your means and skills to revert this instead of waving the Aspie flag and giving motivational speeches. This may help Aspies especially but everybody else to.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
03 Nov 2013, 8:48 pm
I am sorry if my motivational speeches bother you. You seem to be very opinionated about education and feel like a change needs to be made. What's stopping you from pushing that to happen?
What have you done to help out a fellow aspie in life?
Sorry, but your post felt like you were trying to motivate me to fight for your cause. I just want people to be the best they can be.
Without change more people will freeze to death. I am not trying to fight with you. I am actually trying to be a more peaceful person.
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,508
Location: Long Island, New York
03 Nov 2013, 10:29 pm
What have you done to help out a fellow aspie in life?
Sorry, but your post felt like you were trying to motivate me to fight for your cause. I just want people to be the best they can be.
Without change more people will freeze to death. I am not trying to fight with you. I am actually trying to be a more peaceful person.
Don't really have means or ability to really help my fellow human being aspie or not. But most don't these days. I have voiced my negative opinion of the way society and education has changed with the hope that maybe that person does have the means or ability. But since you do have means I made my suggestions with that hope that I found that person. To the OP I gave a my opinion , if there is no problem at work, no need to disclose. Possibly disclose to people you have known for years. Disclose symptoms, prove yourself to the people before you disclose. But apparently since it is not in your face coming out it is the same as doing nothing to you. Since you just want to be another idealistic do gooder who knows what is best for me to bad.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
04 Nov 2013, 7:48 am
Only you know what is best for you. I can sense your manipulative tone, especially in the last sentence of your post. I know because my son does this often.
It is not right to throw that "I thought you may be different" stuff at me. I am not an idealistic do gooder by any means, I unintentionally piss off 100 people for every 1 I may help. I do not know what is best for myself let alone you or any body else. I try to give sound advice, advice that can go in one ear and out the other or stick-does not matter so much to me.
I am very self centered, so if I can find a benefit to myself by helping someone the success rate increases.
04 Nov 2013, 10:04 am
I agree with the poster above who compared declaring your AS status to 'coming out' as gay.
It's something you have to do over and over again, but it's also something that you don't have to do at all.
To the extent that you seem to have held down a career, you can probably 'pass' as NT.
So unless you need your employers to make any adjustments for you, I'd probably not bother telling them (unless of course there's a clause in your contract about non-disclosure of health conditions being a disciplinary offence).
By and large, I tell anyone with whom I'm going to interact on a prolonged basis.
I've told my previous employers (who were f**king useless about handling it) and currently I've informed the university where I'm studying. They need to know because my style of learning is somewhat different to the NT students.
As for the individual students themselves ... I've not 'come out' to any of them as yet, but will assess future individuals on a 'need to know' basis. By and large, I doubt they will care about it, but in the past I've had some people take a sudden interest in my condition.
And of course, there's always potential for making a big mistake by coming out to someone who is phobic about autism, or who attempts to manipulate you by exploiting your social deficits.
Remember the unloved member of the neurodiverse spectrum, the psychopath. One to two per cent of the population, and they can smell vulnerability like a shark smells blood...
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,508
Location: Long Island, New York
04 Nov 2013, 12:04 pm
It is not right to throw that "I thought you may be different" stuff at me. I am not an idealistic do gooder by any means, I unintentionally piss off 100 people for every 1 I may help. I do not know what is best for myself let alone you or any body else. I try to give sound advice, advice that can go in one ear and out the other or stick-does not matter so much to me.
I am very self centered, so if I can find a benefit to myself by helping someone the success rate increases.
That you are not a idealistic do gooder but come off that way is logical as you are an aspie. If I come off as manipulative because I overcompensate or learned the neuromajority ways all to well that is logical also. But if you want to change society in the ways we all do pissing people off all the time will not work. I actually agree that our situation has similarities to the gays and "coming out" and even a confrontational approach has its time and place. It is instructive to look at what has led to a radical reversal in American opinion about gay marriage in such a short period of time. They argued successfully that their marriages were not as threatening to hetrosexual marriage as the heterosexuals are themselves in some cases.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
08 Dec 2013, 6:34 pm
As far as becoming unemployed or thrown out: this is irrational fear and assuming the worst. We all do this mostly because of the way our minds work and a history of being mistreated combined with bad luck. We tend to make things much "bigger" in our minds than they are in reality.
No, this is not at all an irrational fear. I just got off the line with an AS boyfriend-ish who's just been thrown out. Again. And has been unemployed for a year now despite applying for jobs like a machine. A year's unemployment, a muffed interview, frustration, cold weather keeping him in the house where he rents a room and bam, he went off on his landlords for something. Out he goes again. Before that, as a professional musician without the social skills or money to have access to practice rooms, he was forever being thrown out of apartments. Hell, even I've thrown him out, and I can't have him come live with me. I've got a kid growing up here, and much as I love him, I can't subject her (or me, really) to his moods and meltdowns. So where is he supposed to go? No money for his own place, and others won't let him stay? It's a terrible situation. And if you read around here, it happens a lot. Yes, supportive services and a community of understanding people who can afford to be tolerant -- that'd be great, but today it doesn't exist for a lot of adults.
Please don't belittle other people's lived experience.
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