If your risk is increased, it's not by very much.
Being 30 pounds overweight is irrelevant. That's not nearly enough extra weight to make a difference in anything. Being that slightly overweight is only dangerous if you have other problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc., and then the danger can be reduced if those are dealt with. Scientifically, slightly overweight people who are in good shape physically have the same life expectancy as anyone else. It's only once you get to moderate-to-severe obesity that the life expectancy starts to go down. (In some studies, being slightly overweight is actually a protective factor in old age.) So that won't be a problem.
You describe yourself as being in "early pregnancy". You haven't yet reached the sensitive period of brain growth where your baby's brain would be affected by Vitamin D deficiency--but you need to take good care of yourself, because that baby WILL take your extra Vitamin D rather than letting you have it for yourself. Right now, your baby's not taking much extra because it's still so small, but later on in the pregnancy, it'll need a good deal more. That means you need to make sure you're getting enough. If you live in the north where there's not enough sunlight, that means supplements, probably long-term.
Depression is a problem--get some counseling. But also remember just how common it is. About 22% of women in the US will have depression during their lifetime. Your risk will rise in the first year after you have the baby. So that means take care of yourself. If you're on medication while breast-feeding, you need to talk to your doctor about whether you want to use formula or donated breast milk. Once again, with how common depression is, it doesn't raise your risk of having an autistic child much, if at all, but as with the Vitamin D deficiency, it does pose a problem for you, and the added stress of pregnancy means you will need to take extra care. Don't be ashamed of getting counseling.
By the way, as someone who has survived multiple episodes of depression, I would like to make you aware of a tendency your brain has while you are depressed: You think about only the worst possible outcomes, and cannot conceive of successfully dealing with those circumstances. So, you think to yourself, "My child will have autism, and I will be unable to take care of that child's needs." My counselor calls it "catastrophizing"--it just means you've got the opposite of rose-colored glasses on. Realistically, chances are that your child will not have autism, or that if your child does have autism, you will be able to provide for that child. Autistic children, and autistic adults, can and do have happy lives. But with depression, it becomes harder to see the possible good outcomes. You focus on the negative. You have to constantly fight against that tendency, find a more realistic standpoint. If you can't forget the possibility of negative outcomes, sometimes it helps to imagine yourself successfully dealing with them--in this case, if you are afraid that your child will have a disability, imagine yourself successfully raising a happy, competent autistic child.
Learning disabilities are extremely common as well. Your child may inherit your husband's tendency toward them, but there is no evidence that they raise the risk of one's child having autism.
Your parents' AS tendencies may slightly raise your risk of having an AS child. As you know, even two AS parents can have a neurotypical child, because yours did. Neither you nor your husband are autistic, which makes your risk much lower than theirs. Your husband's family has no history of autism--you may pass on your parents' autistic traits to your child, but your husband's non-autistic traits will most likely cover for them. If your child somehow manages to inherit your parents' traits through you, they would probably get mild AS. (Severe autism is more likely to be associated with new mutations rather than inherited from parents. The "Silicon Valley effect" is an example of a region where nerdy parents tend to have Aspie children--who tend to be highly intelligent, independent Aspies themselves.)
Parents being over 40 is a known risk factor for autism, but you have to remember that most babies born to people over 40 are quite healthy. Parents over 40 are, in fact, a risk factor for lots of things, not just autism--but they also tend to be more financially stable, more emotionally stable (yes, even with depression), and have a better social network. So overall, babies born to older parents tend to do fine--and they do much better than babies born to unusually young parents.
So I cannot say "much greater risk". I could say, maybe 1% greater, if I had to give an estimate.
You say you're a procrastinator. Don't let that get in your way here. Learn, ahead of time, how to take care of a baby. You won't know what it'll be like until you actually have said baby, but learn the basics anyway. Babysit for someone else's, if you can. Get some support in place to make sure you'll have someone to take care of the baby when you're tired or you need a break. Get your depression treated, and make sure you get enough Vitamin D.
It's very, very normal for people having their first babies to be scared to death of things going wrong. I don't think there's a single first-time mom who hasn't had those fears. Perhaps you would find it reassuring to go to a group for expecting moms, maybe a class or an exercise group. (By the way, exercise in pregnancy? Quite safe, and beneficial for the both of you; plus, fights depression. Highly recommended.) You're not alone, and you shouldn't have to go it alone. Find people who are going through the same thing you are. You have your husband to back you up, of course, but there's really nothing like the support of fellow women.
27 Nov 2013, 11:00 am
