Was Growing Up Harder for You Than Most People?

Post Reply New Topic

Was growing up difficult for me? Absolutely!! I was not even diagnosed until I was 26. Based on the small amount of information that you have posted about yourself it looks as if you do not have the types of resources that you need in order to be successful. My question to you is does the the school that you go to have someone on their staff who is trained to deal with someone in your situation? If not then what you need is either one person or a team of people that can help you succeed academically. When I was in college I had three advisors. All three of these advisors I kept a close relationship with. One I still do to this day. Their job was to ensure that I succeeded academically as well as in other areas of my life. I graduated with a GPA that was almost a 3.0. All the other areas of my life are now coming into good working order.


What you and your parents need to do is find a school system that has people on its staff who specialize in helping kids with your specific condition get better grades. This is not going to be easy but in the long run you will be much better off if you do this. Once you find that school system enroll in it and begin the process of getting the help you need. YOU CAN NOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN!! ! YOU NEED HELP!! !

And yes there are school systems who have those kinds of people on their staff. Please send a private message if you need any further help. I can't help you with everything. But I think I can point you in the right direction.


All is not lost. There is hope for you. You are a soldier at war. You are locked in a struggle for your overall well being and you need allies.

My teenage years were great! I had a purpose, fixed routine and performed well in school and had many friends. Nobody asked any more from me. It's the 20s that was hard. That's where the growth pain was. I moved out on my own. Learned to manage everything, as my parents taught me almost no household skills. Paid my own bills, finishing university, my first boyfriend, my first job, my first home purchase, wedding planning, my first baby... It almost felt that life kept getting worse as your responsibilities keep increasing and support decreasing, and people's expectations soar like magic that you can never meet. My parents never hid their disappointment in me. They spent little time with me and didn't really know me, so they fantasized all sorts of great qualities and didn't see any of my weaknesses.

Except for my academics (I was the best in every subject) my growing-up has been hell. No clue how to make friends; the universe a scary place; social faux pas disasters; sadness; anxiety; feeling strange.

I mean, seriously, what Aspergian has had a positive experience growing up? The only one I can think of is John Elder Robison whose love of oscilloscopes launched a successful career, and whose books have made him famous.

I can NOT learn math, I never learned the basics but I somehow made it to Algebra. It did bother me to a point, I since learned to accept it.

I'm still growing up now, and i suspect i will be playing catch up on that for the rest of my life.

I dropped out of school after 9th grade, so yes. I couldn't pay attention enough to learn anything and was tired of being sent to "specialists". That and the bullies and the fact that I was grossly underweight and nonathletic. So, yeah, growing up sucked for me. I've taken care of many of these problems since ( I got a degree in biology, and have trained for years in various martial arts) but I still have severe social problems and am unemployed, due to an extreme lack of interviewing skills. So yeah, my life still sucks.

I'm 30 years old and I still don't think I'm fully grown up...

I never had problem with learning math. In fact I thought it was brain damage if you can't memorize time tables because my husband has that issue and he got held back because of it. He could not memorize addition so he always had to count. I never learned to do that because I was in special ed so I never learned to memorize them, I only counted on my fingers. It was as I got older it got harder and harder and problems got more complicated and it's all these memorization you have to do and it would take me longer to do each problem and story problems were the worst for me. I wouldn't know if it was addition or subtraction or multiplication or dividing. They used to be easy until I got to around fourth grade. I could never learn algebra or geometry but I suspect it's because we moved so it made me be behind because kids were ahead and my school gave up on me when I was in the eighth grade. I also cannot make a image in my head real well and have it be a certain shape. I have to actually do the shape myself, not imagine it in my head. That was another problem I had in math so my school dropped that subject for me and gave me basic math to do.

I could never find answers in books and I could never listen for long periods of the time and I had a hard time understanding assignments. The older I got, the harder the schoolwork got. It got more abstract was why. For a while I just thought I was stupid and then thought I probably am ret*d. I also had a hard time with reports and understanding what I am reading when it came to English but lot of other kids struggled with those books too we were given and so did my aid so she had to get Sparky Notes on the book we were reading to help me with it.

I am 49, and I have zero desire to be a teen again. I had the social skills of a 10 year old and dressed like a Goodwill reject. I rarely got my hair cut. I wouldn't mind having the stamina of youth but not the Aspergers baggage.
I had no trouble with multiplication tables, long division, and algebra. Geometry was terrible. I never took calulus. Having said that, I learned math before calculators and computers were common. In fact, I didn't see my first calculator until I was 10. It was a Texas Instrument and cost $600. You can get one now at Walmart for $5. Even when calculators became widespread, we were never allowed to bring them to school. I did math either on scratch paper or in my head. I still do math in my head and can calculate the correct tip amount at restaurants. My SAT math score was 510, which meant I couldn't enroll in a calculus course until I took a remedial algebra course.
I don't know if difficulty with math is an Aspergers thing. It could be. I do know that younger people are accustomed to video games, computers, smart phones, Internet, and movies on demand. We never had those things as children. Perhaps that was a good thing. Keep working at your special Aspie gifts. Math may not be one of them. If you haven't already, read John Robinson's books Look Me In the Eye and Be Different.

puberty was what screwed everything up for me. until I started developing romantic attractions to people, I was outperforming all of my peers at anything academic. after that hit I dropped out of high school, and then dropped out of college about 8 times.

knowing what's going on is important. understanding what being on the spectrum means for how you process emotions and social situations is huge. I think if I'd known I needed to look into that when I was your age, I'd probably be dramatically better off.

the fact that you know what's happening and are asking questions about stuff you have trouble with is extremely important and is a very good thing.

Don't worry gertie. I have the same problems, and I am 28. I am horrible at maths, and can't count change back worth a fart. To this day I am still struggling to learn multiplication tables, learn to count change back (though I am now a music major in college), and learning many other things. Do not despair though. You are not alone in this. I had quite a bit of difficulty socially as well. I had one friend growing up, but I found that that was all I needed to be happy. We are all different in some aspect of life, and all have our strengths. I learned to adapt math into musical terms for myself in order to help me out a bit. If you have an area in which you are advanced, adapt it for multiplication and it may help. Don't focus on what you see as negatives as you grow up, focus on your strengths (and adapt them to help you develop your weaker areas). Keep your head up and remember you have us here to talk to, and that you are not alone.

"Now, my learning deficits are related to self-care skills: It takes me an entire day to plan a week's worth of meals, for example, and over an hour to cook a "quick, 20-minute" recipe. After fifteen years of struggling with budgeting, I finally had to put a small coupon file in my handbag. The file is divided into headings like "lunches", "groceries", "gasoline", etc. with the budgeted amount written under each expense. Every time I get paid, I put the cash amount in the appropriate section of the file, and it has to last two weeks until my next paycheck. Before I did this, I always came up drastically short. If I come in under budget, the overage goes into an "extra $$" section and I get to choose what I spend it on. "--Naturalist.

You have something there Naturalist. I may have to start doing that with my money as well. My wife has to remind me what bills we have to pay when all of our money comes in every month, how much to put on each bill, and when to have it done by in a step by step thing. I may have to suggest what you mentioned in your earlier post. I find myself facing the same deficits, and can understand about that.