Do you have problems socializing with family?

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I understand how you feel about that Fnord. My family is a bunch of school teachers, law enforcement, manic depressives (my younger sis that is 21 mths to the day younger than I), alcoholics, and so on. I prefer the holidays with my new wife, but starting next year she wants to spend a major holiday a year with her family. I just don't understand and have never gotten the whole idea of socializing with one's family. To me, socializing with family is a quick "Hi. How are ya? Good. Okay, bye." Nothing more and nothing less. The only two people in my family I actually socialize with (and still find it highly difficult to do so unless it is on one of my areas of interest) are my Brother that is still in the army, and my dad. I guess it is something that we all must deal with in our own way.

Yeah, there are some issues I have socializing with some of my family, but it's mainly just because we're off doing our own thing!

The only one I'm able to successfully socialize with at home right now is my younger sister, because we have similar interests.

Definitely, i cant socialize better with them, than strangers really. I mean i dont even know my family at all.

Even my mother i have a hard time socializing with. Im kinda self contained i guess.

I have a difficult time unless everyone branches off to different rooms to cull the crowd a little. They're more open to staying in touch online now, which is such a relief.

For as long as I can remember, I've felt like an outsider at family gatherings. I do, however, like playing with my nieces and nephews. It's gotten more pronounce over the past several years because my cousins, who are around the same age as I am, are married and have kids, and I've never been in any kind of serious relationship.

Yes, I find my family can be overwhelming, for the following reasons:-

I have got to a point where I feel so bitter about all of my cousins are all NTs, that I don't want to hear what they are doing with their lives, otherwise I immediately go into aloof mode and can't shake out of it.

My uncle has a habit of criticising whatever you do, and makes me feel bad for being me. He also takes a big German Shepard dog with him everywhere, and nobody understands that I get edgy if I am enclosed in the same room with a dog, but at the same time I don't expect them to lock the dog out of the room because of me, so I've just got to keep quiet and put up with it.

My mum and her youngest sisters keep yawning literally all day every 3 minutes, making that irritating groan when they yawn. Also when my mum and her youngest sister start sneezing they don't stop. Once my aunt done 52 sneezes in a row, and it kept on distracting me and agitating me. There's, like 3-4 seconds between each sneeze, but even so, still gets annoying. Most people I know just do about 4 sneezes at the most.

My mum's oldest sister is so unorganised and messy that she makes the whole atmosphere more hectic. Plus she farts what makes the whole room smell, and keeps going in and out to smoke cigarettes, and leaves doors open to let in all the cold.

My brother has annoying habits of yawning extremely loud or yelling his sneezes out or doing other noises that make me jump.


Despite all this, I love them all.

i feel pretty at ease with my immediate family but i dread meeting with any other relatives. i used to get along great with my grandma and i love her a lot, but the older i get the harder it is to talk to her and i hate myself for being so awkward because i know it makes her sad

Yes.

I don't go to family gatherings. I'm not really in contact with my family anymore, besides my parents and brother. When I was a kid and had to go to the gatherings I would sit in the corner, hoping nobody would sit next to me. Generally everyone ignored me.

So family gatherings = sitting in a corner bored out of my mind for hours, surrounded by loud annoying people.

Yes, in general, I always have had these problems with family.

Over the recent years I have been going to a friend's family for Thanksgiving, but shall not this year; She told me the other day, casually, that her Mother said one year: "Why is he sitting at the table by himself and not sitting with all of us in the living room?" My friend told me her Mother thought that was "rude". That sounds weird of me right? Well, actually, no: part of the problem is that her parents live in a small apartment, invite over tons of people plus there are very limited places to sit in the living room after the meal; what am I supposed to do, just stand there with them for hours??

Also, my friend is Cuban; her family are/were political refugees from Cuba and have been here 30+ years. Although each of them is fluent in English, they mostly speak Spanish - I do not speak Spanish. They speak Spanish continuously throughout the evening with one-another and even at times speak to me directly in Spanish forgetting I do not speak it and cannot answer them nor can even understand it. I consider that rude.

In a nutshell, yes, and so much so that for decades, I have avoided them completely. Not a response I recommend to anyone else, but the only one I felt competent to execute reliably. My family is not generally more dysfunctional than most, on average, and many of them are likeable and interesting people. I just don't do well in unstructured group activities.

Ever since I can remember, I have had limited ability to 'hang in with' gatherings of more than 1 or 2 people, and have usually found a way to wander off and make myself scarce. Often, I'd wind up in conversation with someone who was on the fringes of the group, like the great grandmother at one party I attended, with whom I spent a happy hour or two conversing in Spanish, who told me all about her family life, and her youth in Mexico. The people who hosted the party were coworkers, lively, funny, welcoming people, and good friends of mine. I loved everyone there, yet I drifted off into a quiet space and found a single person to converse with. It just happens, like oil and water separating, or something.

As a child, at a slumber party, I offered to help the mom clear the table and wash the dishes. The next morning, after breakfast (and more kitchen helper duty) I found a quiet spot away from the other kids and just sat watching the sky and trees, and daydreaming.

You'd think that with my family, at least, I could have found a more appropriate way to cope with this, but the same thing happened over and over with them, and eventually I just gave up, one event at a time, until I was not only no longer attending, but not even invited.

Nope. I enjoy seeing everyone and hearing their stories. I like to know what is going on in their lives because what is the point in having family if you want to know nothing about them? I like to be included. The only family member I have had problems with was my dad's cousin because she is very judgmental so it was hard to be with family gathering around the holidays with her there so that was the only time I had trouble and I didn't want to go but my mom would make me and then I decided I just won't say a word when I am there so I won't upset her and get her mad at me.

I don't go to all the family occassions but I don't mind going every once in a while and so long as I am not going to be trapt there for 5 hours or more. I usually just sit home anyway and while there are other people I would rather interact with but can't, I guess family ends up filling my social needs.

I don't like when I am obligated to talk to anyone, I almost always feel uncomfortable when that happens. But I don't mind socializing with them nearly as much if I intiate the conversation on my own terms.

I felt as ease with my family from early childhood until I was 15. That was the age that I was somewhat rebellious and paranoid. That stage lasted until I was 18. I started to shrink back into my family at the age of 21. I didn't feel so awkward anymore. Things fell apart once again in 1998 when I was being made to see a shrink and I felt that my parents were trying to force me to change my ways. Things improved in 2009 after 11 years of playing the nympho nerd and than the tough punker just because my mum compared me to a highly sensitive celeb.

Once I faced a few truths, I felt like a part of the family again.

Yes, my family is competitive about being successful and intelligent. Really, it is no fun. Only a few family members left theses days. So, I try to be pleasant when we get together.

Yes, and Christmas is the worst. My dad's side of the family (parents are divorced) has a tortorous Christmas tradition where on Christmas Eve, everyone in the family—15 people in all, including my six cousins, five of whom are still quite young, as well as four dogs—goes to my house, my aunt and uncle's house, and my grandparents' house to open presents. But that should go pretty quickly, right? NOPE. My grandma always insists that we take turns opening presents and give them to people one at a time. So someone might give one of the presents to my uncle, he'd open it, people would take pictures and ooh and aah over it, then my dad might get a present, and the process repeats itself. We usually start this around 6:00, and it doesn't end until around midnight. So yes, socializing, lots of noise...it's terrible.