suicide rate

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I wonder about that sometimes even about myself. I think that is stemmed in fear and insecurity. People feel completely overwhelmed and the thought of having to change anything, even if it solves a problem, is just too much for them to negotiate. In my case, I have found help overcoming some of my problems when people have helped me with them indirectly. Changing the focus from "the problem" and putting it on just meeting me where I am and loving and encouraging me for who I am has done more good in helping me overcome than anything else. Once I feel secure and safe and loved, solving problems becomes much easier and more natural. This approach has helped me and saved me when I have come close to doing the unthinkable a few times.

I don't know if I am ASD or NT but I attempted suicide as a teenager several times and I am female. I had my stomach pumped. It was because I was being bullied at school (could not fit in socially) and was having a hard time at home as well (apparently I wasn't normal enough for anyone to treat me decently...), so I swallowed a bottle of pills.

I still feel suicidal sometimes now and it's a good job I am not medications because they way I feel some days I would have overdosed on them if they had been in the house. Fortunately I don't like painful or messy methods of suicide, nor do I like risky ones that might leave me brain damaged (don't want to end up having to be looked after by other people, that would make me miserable...they are far too cruel and do not understand the things that make me happy...like the importance of learning or my exploring my hobbies etc) so those are a no no. I also don't keep any pills in the house because I don't relying on chemicals...I am sensitive and they only give me nasty side effects anyway.

Why do I feel suicidal?

The bullying followed me into my adult life...at school, at work, at home, on the internet....I am so sick of it I either feel like thumping the next bully who opens their trap and knocking them the f**k out (maybe that's why I body build these days...can't do much about the twats online but if they try it on in the real world I am not feeling so much like trying to 'talk things' out these days...kind of had enough now. Little mouthy grotesque bullying f*****s might think twice if I build my strength and my muscles and take a martial arts class, which I am looking into), or just leaving the planet for once and for all just to end the pain.

Add in that I have no family, can't make friends no matter how hard I try and have no partner as well as no career well there is really f**k all to hang around for is there?

I am struggling to find reasons to get out of bed every day as it is...I only get up to go to the gym, visit coast, ride the bus a lately take my sketch pad out to draw (I swapped the photography for wanting to learn to sketch).

It's the only thing keeping me alive right now...

Nowt else to bother staying about for and even the reason I have wears thin, especially as I see no possibility of change. If I have not made one single friend after living in an area for 4 years or met a suitable partner I can't see it happening. The only men I can attract are drug addicts and violent alcoholics. I think they assume because I yell or scream and hit my head when I am upset I am violent myself. On contrary I rarely if ever hit or hurt other people...it takes extreme circumstances for me to lash out at anyone, even when I am having one of my upset moments. It takes years of harassment from someone for me to lunge at them and then usually it will be in self defense...usually. I would only lash out at someone who had been constantly bullying me for years on end for example. Never have I ever felt the need to hit some poor innocent person, even if they are a bit snappy...they are probably just having an off day and that is not the same as someone who keeps following you around and picking on you just to make your life miserable every day.

So no I don't really identify with the violent alcoholics who want to go around thumping people over the slightest of things. Firstly I only drink once or twice a month at most (if I drink at all) and secondly I really don't like getting into fights and am actually scared of physical violence most of the time. I prefer to resolve things peacefully...you just cant reason with a bully it seems.

I have also spent a life time seeking a connection with another human being only to find that either I am unable to connect with them or that there is no one I can compatible enough to connect with...not sure which,

Either way I am so alone on this planet, with a mind that no one understands (does not matter how I explain myself I cannot get anyone to understand me) and trapped in world I find emotionally, physically and mentally traumatising, especially where it comes to people not things (not things, they are usually relatively simple in comparison to the minds of others).

Its lonely and frustrating in here...my head that is.

I'm not sure how true that is. The big problem isn't that people don't want to solve them so much as they feel totally overwhelmed by their problems, so they don't even take the first step to help themselves. This is often compounded by the fact they don't know what the first step is that they need to take. When you are stuck in a deep rut all you can see are the walls around you, keeping you in the rut.

I think young people (all people of all ages really) would benefit from some sort of expert guidance and counselling. Someone they can turn to for real help. I wish such a person had been available during my youth. I don't know what the person could have done, but there must be people out there who could help in a positive way... somehow. Suicide should not be the only avenue that anyone can see as the way out of their problems... be they young or old.

Help is needed to (a) change the negative thinking of the suicidal person and (b) help them improve their life circumstances - because it is likely a result of their life circumstances that they are suicidal in the first place.

Sometimes the problem just cannot be solved or they don't know how to solve it and no one will help them.

Some people try to the point of being exhausted but nothing works.

I personally enjoy problem solving and always take that route...Unfortunately I can't always find a solution, especially to the social stuff. I have tried everything and nothing has worked. Unfortunately I have to accept that I will always be isolated and alone. And that is not a future I am sure I want to live, basically.

Ergo I am fighting a losing battle. I have tried all the advice people have given me and either it is too much for me (my nervous system is not able to cope with all the social interaction without imploding on itself and making me physically sick or, as sometimes happens, struggling not to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, to the point I cannot focus on or process anything) or it just plain outright does not work.

I go out every day and chat to people..in four months still not one friend, still no boyfriend, no sign of change, nothing....it appears to be a dead end.

I am polite, hold doors open for people, say please, say thank you, ask them about themselves, their interests or their day, remember what they said, ask them how those things are if I see them again, don't talk about myself and so on and still nothing...no friend. Nowt, nadda, zip.

I am trying to find a class to enrol in to see if that helps as joining the gym has not worked, going out to cafes has not worked, the internet has not worked and I don't really like spending a lot of time online anyway so don't want online only contacts, visiting the coast has not worked...

Nothing starts until either jan or september next year though..so it might be a bit of a wait on that.

I was going to try volunteer work but they want reference and I don't have any...been out of work for a long time, have no friends, no family, no partner...no one to give me a reference at all. So that is out for now.

I have given it one year because I want to experience a few things before I die (kayaking, scuba diving, horse riding again, climbing, water skiing etc), if nothing has changed at the end of that year and my social life is still dead, I am going to end my life.

skibum: It comes down to that barrier that helps people define themselves or their surroundings. It would be easier to get past if you were to gently put the person at ease and therefore they put down the barriers themselves. I think some people are better at this than others. I think people are probably scared of opening up to me. I'm not the best person for counselling, as much as I'd like to be.

TallyMan: I think you are right. I think there needs to be far more professional help around for people. The typical kind of counselling involves speech such as, "That must make you angry", which is useless.

The actual guidance-type of counselling I think you are talking about is actually called humanistic/person-centered counselling. It helped me immensely, and doesn't seem to be common in my experience. In the UK the doctor first gives you anti-depressants rather than send you off for counselling, because it's too high in demand.

bumble: I'm sorry to hear you are in that situation. I cannot help but try to offer some sort of advice! It is in my nature, even if it's pants.

I started to view friendships with others as mini-relationships. The same advice from relationships can apply to friendship - sometimes you need a break from them. Or a break from trying to find or form them. I suggest giving up on having a social life, for now. I think it would help you very much if you started to learn how to be on your own. Learn how to be content with your own company. Treat yourself in lots of little ways. Learn how to love yourself without the need to be around others. Focus your energy on giving to yourself rather than giving out to others. Music has helped me greatly in this way.

I would give yourself a break from a social life for however long you feel comfortable with. For me I gave it months, but it would vary for each person. Don't give it a time limit, it isn't helpful.

People advise not to hide away from the world on your own for too long. They are right, but at the same time, having alone time can help you think. And do activities that you would normally enjoy with others, on your own if you can. Get out and about with no intention to meet anyone.

I have too much alone time and no one to talk to or have fun with. I am absolutely bored out of my head...I have been alone for 4 years now. I feel like I am losing my mind from having no one who understands to talk to. I am so lonely I have imaginary friends and talk to myself...I am starting to do it in public now as well it has gotten so bad.

I am bored with having no one to share anything with. No cuddles, no love, no affection, no one to laugh and joke with.

I am bored out of my head with being stuck at home all day...nothing to do, nothing to challenge me, nothing to get out of bed for but more boring crap on the tv.

I am sooooooooo bored.

Bored with my whole life just being about me and my interests.

I need someone or something to love. I need some company sometimes.

Everywhere I go I see couples together or people with friends...it hurts.

I am waiting for therapy but doubt they can help...I don't suffer with self hatred, in fact I am confused as to why people are not wanting to be friends with me. I think I am a lovely person who is interesting in my own way and can't comprehend why no one wants to be with me. I am not perfect but I don't need to be and neither do they, we just need to be compatible. I don't mind not being good at something but I can be upset by the consequences of not being able to do some things such as social isolation as a result of not having good social skills.

I spend all my time doing things for myself...I exercise, eat right, don't do drugs, rarely drink, treat myself, get a massage, joined a gym, travel, indulge my hobbies, relax so and and so forth.

I can't really do any more than I am doing.

Too much time alone, too much time to keep thinking about my problems, too much talking to myself to the point I am doing it outside due to lack of social interaction...i am going mad. I am actually losing my mind from lack of social contact with anybody.

I am having nightmares about it, waking up at night terrified and feeling sick to my stomach over another day alone with no one to share anything with. It hurts really bad.

I can't be happy like that, I am in too much pain and losing my sanity.


I don't understand why everyone thinks I am so disgusting that no one wants to come have some fun and go do something exciting together with me like travel somewhere, or ride roller coasters or go bowling with me.

I can' t go bowling on my own or play tennis on my own I need partner.

I wanted someone to spend xmas with so I could dress up in tinsel and twinkly xmas tree earring and a santa hat and look silly! Someone to pull crackers with, someone to play board games with like monopoly whilst watching silly xmas movies on TV. Someone to share an xmas dinner with.

But I will be sat here alone again. No reason to dress up as no one here to be silly for or make laugh.

Just me on my own again.

No way to get anywhere either as I live out in the middle of nowhere and there is no transport on xmas day unless I spend a fortune on a taxi which I can afford unless the budget loan I applied for comes though.

Not sure if this quite relevant to the thread, but I just had a friend tell me "I just really, really, really want to die". I'm probably going to elaborate in another tread. Friend isn't autistic, though she has some traits.

It's quite sad, yes.

Bumble, I am sorry that you have to suffer with the specific pains that you are dealing with. The despair seems absolutely agonizing. *hugs*

If it makes you feel any better, I also have imaginary friends that I engage with in public. Your posts make you seem quite likeable--intelligent, wanting to celebrate life, willing to be active; people can be a bit funny, though, in terms of who they befriend. I hope that your situation somehow improves for you.


On the topic of the increased rates of suicidal idealization and attempts in autistic (and perhaps otherwise neurological diverse) youth, I wonder how much of it correlates to circumstances (bullying, loneliness, abuse, being alienated, homelessness, being unemployed, not achieving one's full potential, ect.) and how much of it correlates to neurological or neurochemical abnormality. This article (as well as many other sources) seems to indicate that shutdowns can do actual psychological, if not neurological, damage; is it possible that the sensory and emotional overloads we so often suffer affect the brain in some way that makes one more suceptable to depression, self-loathing, suicide? Is it possible that the autistic brain, with all of its supposed hyper-and/or-hypo-connectivity, is already wired to be more susceptible to this? Isolation and loneliness have already been shown to affect the physical brain, as seen here; this may contribute to the above, if the above is, in fact, the case.

My circumstances are actually pretty fantastic--my classes are relatively easy, I am financially taken care of by my parents, who are not abusive or negligent in the slightest, I get along with most people and have a few people that I can text or Facebook, I am, within the past three-or-so years, seldom bullied, I experience many things, I have extremely mild symptoms...and, yet, I still experience self-loathing that makes me occasionally suicidal. Part of it is that I feel inadequate, that I should be more financially independent (on one hand, I am only almost nineteen, so I am still fairly young, but, on the other hand, I do not have and have never had a job, whereas many people my age do; my tuition and housing are paid for by scholarship...but my hobbies, food, and clothing are not), more emotionally stable, more able to emotionally support my family and friends, more helpful, more kind, more sensible, and less sensitive, less easily fatigued, less emotionally distant, less childish, less anxious, less...me. See, I'm not suicidal because my situation is bad--I'm suicidal because I perceive that I'm bad, and I wonder how many other people this applies to. The thing stopping me from making an attempt is the effect that this would have on other people--even if me being gone would be less of a burden and less of a disappoint than me being here, which my thoughts sometimes incline me to believe, it would be highly traumatizing to whoever found the body, and, besides, non-autistics do not like change on the scale of death any more than we do; the death of someone that a person knew can be shocking and painful in and of itself due to the unexpectedness and socially-accepted morbidity of it without factoring in the person or their personal impact on their peers' lives. I suspect, however, that many teenagers and young adults, autistic or otherwise, simply do not have this sort of foresight (not to say that I am exceptional, by any means; I've just looked into the topic more than do most people), which may be a marginal factor in the increase risk of this age group (it seems that the older one gets, the more deeply one considers the effects of ones actions on others).

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This is true, from my experience. People are, mostly, in love with their problems - despite what they say to the contrary. And, when they want help, they insist that help must come in the form they want - often keeping them going in circles.

Often people are looking for temporary respite from their problems, and not an end to them.

Why is this? Because deep down, humans are programmed to follow patterns, and to have habits - even if it kills them.

However, this is not saying that counselling won't help (it doesn't help everyone, hence my own personal faith in hypnotherapy) and those who want to commit suicide don't ask or need help.

Knowing people who have committed suicide, and people who volunteer for the Samaritans - people who commit suicide tend to just do it, rather than making a 'drama' out of it. Often dramatic suicides are a cry for help - help that never came in time.

This is true, from my experience. People are, mostly, in love with their problems - despite what they say to the contrary. And, when they want help, they insist that help must come in the form they want - often keeping them going in circles.

Often people are looking for temporary respite from their problems, and not an end to them.

Why is this? Because deep down, humans are programmed to follow patterns, and to have habits - even if it kills them.

However, this is not saying that counselling won't help (it doesn't help everyone, hence my own personal faith in hypnotherapy) and those who want to commit suicide don't ask or need help.

Knowing people who have committed suicide, and people who volunteer for the Samaritans - people who commit suicide tend to just do it, rather than making a 'drama' out of it. Often dramatic suicides are a cry for help - help that never came in time.[/quote]

Why wouldn't people want to solve their problems?

As to help, it boils down to whatever works best for the individual and their personal set of circumstances.

Bumble, for whatever it's worth, I really like you a lot and I like having you here. I know it's not the same as IRL but I am sure that I would really enjoy being your friend if we lived on the same continent. But as far as here which is probably the best we can do since we do live very far from each other, please consider me a friend. I would be honored if you would. I really mean that.

Hi Bumble, having read your posting. I do see you as a nice and intelligent person. I would be honoured to be your friend, also. We can chat in Skype or FaceTime. An honest feedback from my friend, that I never take intuitive to make friend and response back with people, that's why I have so few friends. Were you also too shy to further with the friendship? I mean just regular hi and bye and being friendly will not win you a friend. But common interest that allows you both to keep the conversation going and will work as a strong base for any relationship. I mean the expectation that 4 months you'll get a romantic relationship when social with people, is a bit high. Usually, it is by chance whether you meet someone matching your personality and interest. Obviously, being conversational on a few common interests certainly helps to make friends e.g. movies. Some activities we can do together in WP, a few of us can watch the same movies and can share or discuss our perspective real time in Skype. I like Skype because we can really talk instead of typing. My typing speed is extremely slow. I recently watched Hunger's game 1 & 2. I really like the actress.

Sometimes, I lose a few friends because I'm too eager to provide feedback and brutally honest. I guess I have learned the lessons to refrain from giving feedback in order to keep the friends. So I don't understand why nobody would friend with a person like you, so eloquent in writing and sensible.

Most of my friends are in other part of the world, so we see each other and keep conversation going using Skype or other tools.

Exactly the question worth asking. Keep asking it!

My guesses are:

1. They have previously tried and failed many times. So they are discouraged and too painful to even look at the problem itself anymore.
2. Like someone has mentioned, solving it means change and risk taking. Aspies by nature don't like uncertainty. I heard a true story that a blind was cured and can see again, but later on he committed suicide because he cannot adjust to the new lifestyle changes e.g. now he is losing the social securities and need to work and not having the skills to work and faced a lot of challenges.
3. The problem itself becomes the person's identity, comfort zone and part of themselves.

An Aspie who has had many suicidal attempts was accompanied by the social worker to go back to the hospital because of his sudden urge to commit suicide. After 2 min seeing the psychologist, the patient is already got well and no longer wants to suicide anymore. The social worker wondered why and the patient told the social worker what happened:

The psychologist asked the patient, how many fingers do I have on this hand?
patient: 5.
psychologist: that's correct. Do I wear glasses?
patient: yes
psychologist: that's correct. Then she took off the glasses and said now I cannot see you because I have serious short-sightedness. It's not going to get well. Then she showed the patient, her fake leg. It's also not going to get well. She then told the patient. We all have something we don't like in life. We just need to live with it. For you, even you don't like your ASD traits, you just need to go on and live with it.

It doesn't matter whether you're blind or with ASD, you can still choose to live a quality and fulfilling life that you define it yourself and in your own standard. It doesn't matter your life is long or short. Even someone spent the whole life just to produce a painting e.g. Mona Lisa. I think it's meaningful. If you're Einstein, being autistic is ok. If you're Picaso, failing Maths is ok. If you spent your whole life caring for the poor like Mother Teresa, I think that's meaningful. If you're Rowling, you spent the whole life writing Harry Potter, that's meaningful.