I always hurt people who get close to me

Page 2 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,430
Location: my own little world

04 Dec 2013, 10:15 am

kcizzle wrote:
Until you get that sorted, maybe you shouldn't make friends with nice people any more. Its all good thinking about you, but this girl you befriended and then out of the blue started insulting is going to be even more confused and hurt when you start your campaign of blanking her. Or does that not matter?
I agree. It's not fair to her if you treat her that way. At least let her know what's going on. She deserves that much.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


404nf
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

04 Dec 2013, 11:35 am

Well, I guess we're even. She forgot about yesterdays incident, or just let it go. But, she got me in trouble with 3 teachers, and I had to listen to them shouting at my face due to her. She also made me lose a server of mine, along with a latency test I was running, she shut down and hid my laptop, no one does that. NO FRICKING ONE. I told her she's dead to me, and asked her to stay away. What better way than that to cut contact with her?



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,613

06 Dec 2013, 9:10 am

ZenDen wrote:
It sounds like the hurt child inside of you is afraid people are going to hurt you and drives them away when you begin to get close to your "in danger" range.


This.

I did it for a long time. It wasn't until someone commented (after spending some one-on-one time with me) that I was a "nice guy" and then asked why I acted like such a jerk when around others.

It was then I realized that a part of me was so used to being rejected that I found it "safer" to consistently deal with the pain of rejection than to risk what might happen if I actually had friends. I never saw the shift in how I acted in a group as compared to how I acted when just dealing with one person.



SG78
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 155

06 Dec 2013, 8:43 pm

Try to make a conscious effort to reciprocate. By conscious effort, I mean you have to do with extra effort what most people can do naturally. I'm the same way, I'm 35 and just now learning how to maintain friendships.

1.) Don't attach yourself to one person for too long a period. People will get freaked out and will think you're a clinger, and there goes a friend. Try to develop a base of friends, much like a baseball team develops a base of prospects. Always be on the lookout for like-minded people for friendship. Sometimes you'll find a friend, other times a friendship may not work out--consider it a failed prospect.

2.) No matter how uncomfortable going out and socializing is, you should occasionally take up their invitation to hang out. You'll get occasional invitations, you don't always have to accept, but you should once in a while. Think of it as keeping yourself within a loop.

It's truly an art form and a fine line to walk between being clingy and being aloof. I've been guilty of the clinginess on occasion, and have run off my share of people, but FAR more often, I've run people off by being aloof, turning down invitations to hang out. But think of it as a learning experience, and you should be able to better walk the proverbial tightrope.


_________________
AQ = 38
RAADS-R = 160