Do your stress levels increase when invited to be social?

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Another "yes" here. Sometimes I literally have a panic attack when someone I barely know asks me to do something with them. I avoid parties in general. I have to be really comfortable with someone (i.e., a handful of close, long-term friends and/or select family members) to not suffer any anxiety at all in their presence.

I avoid the usual birthdays/retirements/office parties at work. Sometimes I will go if whatever I'm working on at the moment is horrendously tedious and I need a break, but for the most part being in a group of mere acquaintances will just stress me out. I have a couple of people at work that I am comfortable with, and if one of them specifically suggests that "we" go to the get-together, I can deal with it a lot better.

No wonder Aspies don't like to date! The worst of all worlds - meeting up with a near stranger, an unfamiliar social situation, AND the complication of potential romantic interest. Yikes!

This weekend I thought I'd try to catch up with the rest of the world and sign up for Facebook. It seems like every business and government etc., etc., etc. is now on Facebook and I was being left behind. As soon as I open it the day after joining there are people offering to contact me and suggesting a bunch of friends gets adopted. What a shock. There is no way I'm going to throw myself into that heap of squirming humanity.

For some it may be the answer to their loneliness, but I'm still backpedaling.

denny

I was just preparing to attend a meeting, for the first time ever, in the local "aspie club", where a new company, specialized in finding suitable jobs for bright spectrumites, would speak about their project, - and I got so nervous, - that I went so late, - that I gave up the whole idea -------
Ah, well, the weather is bad anyway: hailstorm.

Very much. Just to put things in perspective.

I had to make a phone call to receive a package.

It literally took me 2 full days of trying to call that number and hanging up. Before i worked up the nerved.

Its like when i have to do things like that, i get a mountain the size of everest placed in my way, and i have to climb that.

I remember once, being told that it would get easier. For some reason it never seems to get easier.

Its like, who is the person im talking to, will it be a male or female, what will their voice sounds like, will i be able to understand them. What if they ask me something im not prepared for.

Now social event oh no thank you, then take all that and multiply it by how many people are there, plus a new place im not familar with, plus the noise and the and other stuff. And not being able to go home where and be alone, you can only take up the bathroom so long, before people starting thinking your either died, or have a problems.

Depends on how many others will be in this social event. If it's someone I know asking me to join with a small number like 2 or 3, then I'll be fine. A bigger group, on the other hand, makes me uneasy.

Yes, I experience varying degrees of stress at social overtures or encounters.

For example, during my weekly outing I like to pop-in at a local coffee shop that is frequented by people I have met over the years. I enjoy seeing familiar face and doing a smile and nod of recognition. I can also enjoy the occasional banal exchange of 'hi how are you - fine thanks and you - I am fine also good to see you - you also", so long as it is followed by nothing more.

But when someone decides to stand there and actually converse about something it rather bugs me. There are only one or two people from whom I would welcome that sort of thing.

Yeah, if I'm invited by someone to do something with the, I get extremely nervous, especially if I've never been out with them before. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm afraid I'll be too boring and they won't like me.

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA ive never been invited to be social!! !

Yes, but the extent depends on the situation and the people involved.

I think the anxiety/stress comes from me having to trying to sort out from several people, as opposed to focusing on just one or two.

In my past jobs I was known for weaseling out of office parties and get-togethers. I made it my business to miss them all by usually working on the days they were held. I was in rock bands and even weaseled out of celebratory parties for us. It fascinates how others do it so casually. For me? No way.

Never really weaseled my way out of parties. I showed up and didn't really speak unless spoken to, or unless something interesting was discussed. Which is only like 30% of the time.

I have two Christmas parties next weekend, and it's definitely a stressor. Having to drive to an unfamiliar destination makes it that much worse.

My job's Christmas party is next week, and I have no idea what to get my Secret Santa there.

Yes. But, when I realize that all I have to be is myself and sit there like a lump, then it's fine.

Always. It drives my spouse nuts. I don't like big crowds, so no parties for me. I don't like short notice even for small get-togethers with people I know well. I have to adjust myself to the idea. So if someone invites us over on the spur of the moment I always automatically answer no. Sometimes, if I'm having a good day to start with, I might be talked into it, but that whole invitation/acceptance process is awful, I feel so put on the spot.

In fact the only socializing that doesn't stress me these days is incidental, brief conversations with complete strangers, clerks or other customers, when shopping. I suppose that doesn't bother me because I don't care. I mean I do care on the level of human kindness and politeness, but they are people I'll never see again, and the interaction is just one or two people at a time, no pressure to become friends and have to commit myself to more than that one conversation, so I'm relaxed in those situations. Even that type of interaction used to bother me a lot when I was young. My mom worked on it with me, though, sending me into the store to get the carton of milk, etc. Now that I'm much older and past the necessity of being social at school or work, or even that much with family, it's about the only socializing I do.

I used to not mind family get-togethers when I was a child, partially because I was fascinated with family history and just listened to the grownups tell stories. But I hated school, developed migraines early on, and often got them on Mondays from stressing out over the weekend about having to go back to school. Same with work, later. Workplace socializing was awful, at first. I had to learn to say hello to people instead of avert my gaze as we passed in the hall. I hated having to work in groups or pairs. I preferred tasks I did on my own. When I had to work with others I would spend my breaks in the bathroom, just for some private time alone. When someone made a friendly overture at church or work, it made me feel secretly panicked.

In later years, though, work was okay when I had a job that kept me at my desk concentrating on my job, and I had enough autonomy to plan my days around assigned projects, so I knew what to expect each day. I was lucky in that, for years, and was able to relax and make friends because I knew what to expect day to day. I did socialize a little outside of work, then. But my last five years before I retired were as a supervisor/manager, and it was awful. Too much need to interact, constantly, all day. Overlapping meetings, constant calls and drop ins, people even following me to the restroom to talk. Business trips with coworkers. It was too much, and I avoided the office parties like the plague, because it was something I could say no to, but I developed a kind of reputation for that. I would shut myself in my office with the door closed for a while before the workday started, sometimes at lunch time as well.

Even now, though, if I have to do something different, I stress so much about it that I barely sleep the night before. After much socializing I tend to be both exhausted and wired - and have trouble sleeping the following night as well. Usually wind up with a migraine after it's over.

It's crazy, and when I was young I hid all this stress from others as much as I could, because I knew it just wasn't normal. I braved my way through social events, if I couldn't gracefully avoid them, and was miserable, and other people always remarked on how quiet I was. Now that I'm older, and I realize it's likely Asperger's, I feel I have a right to say no. I don't feel that I should have to be miserable just to please others, so I am a hermit as much as I can be. But like I said, my husband doesn't really understand.