please can someone help me fast

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It might not be...

I have admitted openly that I feel suicidal and I actually meant it at the time. I have moments where my emotions become so overwhelming and painful that I am not sure I can cope with them. Usually they send me off into one of my upsets such as where I scream and hit myself on the head (I don't know why I respond like this, I know it will not help but it seems to happen anyway...I try not to do it very hard but once it starts it is hard to stop until it runs it's own course), however, occasionally at certain times of the month (a few days to a week before my menses arrive) I will have both my regular outbursts and suffer from suicidal ideation.

I am in genuine pain at the time, although people think I am attention seeking. Also I only have it in moments rather than continually. So I may feel suicidal for 5 minutes, be genuinely contemplating it and wondering whether life is worth living, and then suddenly it has gone as quickly as it arrived.

I never did understand that...it is odd.

During the 5 minutes though I will tell people how I am feeling...this is when they think I am seeking attention or trying to manipulate them. Actually it is a cry for help in a way. I don't really want to act on it, despite what I am feeling, I don't want to do something silly but I am in so much pain...

I tell people for 2 reasons:

1 I think they will understand I am in pain and hopefully help me find a solution to said pain so i don't have to keep going through it.

2 It is better than actually attempting suicide and running the risk of actually killing myself or worse (leaving myself with brain damage or similar) even if it is embarrassing. It is better to talk to someone and not actually harm myself than to try to keep it in and risk doing something silly. I have only attempted suicide on impulse a few times in my past (during my teens when I was being badly bullied) and have not tried to actually kill myself in recent years, but I'd rather be safe rather than sorry.

No I don't want to go into a hospital at those times...that would be horrendous for me.

I have lived alone since I was 17 (excluding a few years here and there where I attempted to live with a partner..) and am used to my own space and my own place (I don't even want to live with someone necessarily as part of a relationship...I like the romance and doing things together and the intimacy and sex but I would be happy for myself and my partner to live in separate places, I have always been odd like that). Being around depressed people who hate themselves all day would also drive me nuts (no offense meant to depressed people, I am sorry for your pain, genuinely, but I do not experience that side of depression and have trouble understanding it. I am merely upset by my life circumstances and feel painfully lonely due to my social difficulties. I feel like an outcast that no one wants to love...yet I have such a loving heart for the right partner. It's so sad. I'm not perfect by any means but I am not a monster who would harm anyone either...despite what I post when I am frustrated sometimes. I also miss canoodling. I do love canoodling with someone I love...it's so nice. I just need to get stuff out of my head, I don't act on every thought I have though). Also I wouldn't want meds (too many side effects) and once my period arrives my suicidal issues will cease for another month (or 3 weeks lately) anyway.

So I vent my spleen to any poor soul who will listen as it's better than actually being daft and doing myself harm.

Maybe she really was feeling suicidal at the time...it may not be manipulation or attention seeking.

PS my phone is also flat most of the time. I can never find the charger as I rarely use it anyway lol. I put my music on an MP3 player.

I don't know much about her particular personality disorder though. Are they usually prone to manipulation?
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To the OP, is everything ok?

My response was only to the O.P.

I am familiar with "codependency" and how our best intentions can actually make many situations worse.

When someone is threatening suicide, either they are trying to manipulate you (in which case you need to terminate the relationship immediately); or, if they are serious, you need to call the police to get them to a psych ward.

O.P. -- the sort of relationship you are describing is not something for you to mess around with. This is really dangerous business. Your "significant other" could ruin you if you fall for this manipulation game. You need to make the call. Either she is toxic and you need to get out; or she needs residential treatment for suicidal ideation. There is no middle ground in such a situation.

Im sorry but that is a really hard way of looking at it. It is too black and white.

Sometimes a person is in genuine pain and may be struggling with intense emotions.

Not everyone is out to manipulate people. A theory that is lacking in any kind of emotion, understanding or caring.

I don't care if your reply is only to the OP in this instance, the girl he refers to might be in genuine pain and doing either of the things you suggest may push her OVER THE EDGE to the point of actually harming herself.

Call the police and it can be taken as impersonal and uncaring. A message that says, I don't care about you, even though you may be genuinely hurting right, I don't care so I am just going to call the coppers to sort your f****d up arse out and stick you in some hospital somewhere with people who will drug you up but whom won't care about you either. Basically no one f*****g cares about you.....

Accuse her of manipulation when she is genuinely feeling that way? And well the same message comes across. I don't care about you, I don't care if you live or die, I don't care if you kill yourself, I just think you are a manipulative cow who wants to lie to me.

---Either one is risky.

I am sorry but I am sick and tired of this attitude online..it is cruel when someone may well be crying out for help...kindness not the impersonal involvement of the police. It's hard, and unfeeling and could actually push them over the edge.

There are more than two possibilities here...

And codependancy psycho babble is yet more psycho babble clap trap. You can't be sure how that girl is really feeling.

However, I will add that when I do decide to end it, I will not tell anyone when, where and how I am going to do it. That way, no one can save me.

I will end my life one day, this I know.

I have no friends, no family, no lover when love was always important to me. I live in a world that is full of cruel uncaring people. Harsh and unkind. Those who discriminate against those who are different. Those who stigmatise and shun. Those with prejudice who discriminate. Those who seem to feel nothing but an obsession with their own egos.

There are a few good humans...one or two, but not enough by far. Most are unkind creatures who like to do nothing else but hurt those around them. They only care about themselves.

Right now, I have my disability, I can compensate for my loneliness by traveling around and buying myself hobby related things to keep me busy.

One day though, the government will make it so that it stops. I am expected to recover from my social issues...to be 'normal' like everyone else. I can't be like them..I was not born like them, I did not develop like them...whatever my illness or disorder or issues are I am not like them.....

I cannot think like them
Act like them
Feel like them
Be like them..

I don't even understand them...their beliefs, their values, their unfeeling natures, their coldness...their lack of logic and even their obsession with hierarchy and pointless social chit chat about absolutely nothing of importance or intelligence or interest at all.....

Their world is a mystery to me...whether I am ASD or something else or not.....

I can't go on living in this world forever. I don't belong here.

I will never be loved, never be cared for, I will always be that sad lonely person desperately trying to find the partner/lover who will love me but whom will never appear....

The person those so called NTs pity.

Well f**k them and their pity.

I wanted love, someone who accepted me and my differences like the OP does with his gal (even if they have not met yet) not the NTs condescending clap trap and superiority rammed in my face day after day...patronising irritating pricks that they are....

To be constantly made to feel unattractive when I am not, to be constantly made to feel like I am nothing more than cheap sex for NT male tarts but that I am not worth going out with or accompanying to a museum etc....

Well..

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At the point, when my disability ends and I no longer have any quality of life to take my mind off my own loneliness, I wll kill myself. But I won't tell anyone about it.

I just don't know how yet. I need to work that out.

I have around a year...so people don't have to worry about it right now.

Then I will say goodbye to this world and its cruelty but in a way that no one can stop me.

But hell I am going to try to live it up as much as possible first.

Don't underestimate the pain that girl might be in though.

Do you really think the cops are going to understand?

The cops understand jack s**t, just like other humans.

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Just go out and talk to people...yeah it doesnt work.

What a croc of s**t. No one even wants to go out with me.

I feel sick.

Bumble, I like you and want to be your friend. I just get so caught up and busy in stuff that I either don't have time to answer people or forget. If you want, I can give you my phone number. I'm better texting lol.