Making "scripts" for desired behaviour

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I can relate all too well. They cannot imagine you would dare having no role because that is the strongest fear NTs have ever faced. In fact, my theory is that that is actually what keeps them motivated!

I understand why you feel that way Moondust, you are not alone.



We cannot change. Our brains are hard-wired that way. If that was changed we would no longer be ourselves anymore.

I think it actually hurts us more than many of us are aware of when we pretend to be group oriented (and a major explanation to why so many with AS become depressed - they are forced to socialize). A tight group does not give a f**k about our integrity, the thing that means so much to us.

I agree, one has to do it to some extent to survive, for instance in the workplace. It is difficult to deal with even when you know what is going on.

The thing is the only ones we fool is ourselves, thinking that we're able to fool NTs. It's not all about what to say or how to behave. It's the things that they see in you that you don't even imagine they're looking at and drawing the "weird" conclusion about you from.

Eg: In my country it's customary to go to the funeral of a co-worker's close relative. When my father passed, I had to invent a story to prevent my co-workers from coming to the funeral, so that they wouldn't see that I was all alone in the cemetery. It was of course better to tell a story than to have everyone see how alone I am that I don't have even a friend or relative to accompany me to bury my father, but no story however successful will ever erase from their minds that there was some reason why I hid the funeral from them - thus the label of "weird" and HR constantly detectiving me although I've never done anything wrong.

This is why I don't understand how so many aspies believe so strongly in what is called "social skills training". Being a polite weirdo is too little help in the NT world and it's often even counter-productive, making you seem weak. Observing all the rules of politeness while oblivious to the things that NTs are seeing in us and labelling "odd", can also make us look ridiculous.

I make my rules of thumb, sometimes scripts, when I discover a pitfall, either by reading, by being told, or by learning the hard way.

One can only fool them for so long. One mistake and they begin getting suspicious. They are social predators, good at finding weak spots. If you are forced to socialize all day long in a full time job you cannot really hide it over a longer period of time.




I am sorry to hear that your father has passed away.

It is just terrible you had to lie to not "get caught". I had to lie about having a girlfriend at work so as to seem more socially successful. And then one has to keep pretending it is true.

I've realized that NTs glean enough from glimpses of our lives which we can't control, that avoiding mistakes is just a drop in the sea. Just your Facebook page (or lack thereof) tells them everything. Details in the way you dress tell them how connected or disconnected you are from society. And so much more.

^ That "polite weirdo" thing is what I do, but I make sure to limit what I say to people these days. I used to reveal too much, which of course had bad consequences; but finally learned to stop that for the most part. It's why I don't usually take phone calls from family anymore, too easy to lose my control of words.
I believe - in my experience - that being polite and yet brief in my comments while dealing with social situations such as at a check-out or the like, makes things go easier and is the right thing to do in general. ( I will write this down under Relations to remind myself. )

Yes, polite and brief is good. Being formal is a way of communicating without getting socially involved. Glad you found the MRHH useful (-:

I'd like to know more about "Serve Me in the Moment, while Moving". Does this mean that while you are doing active things (moving) you ask yourself, "Is this really serving me?" and change your actions if it is not? Or does it mean that in moments of non-movement (like sitting and thinking) you will use it to motivate you to get up and do something that serves you?

In order to make MRHH happen, I use,

SMIT-M^2 ("Serve Me In The Moment, while Moving")

The purpose is:

Serve Me = This means you have to make sure you pay attention to MRHH constantly. When you do this, you do what is best for you.

In The Moment = A means of "living life" and beating AS related depression. Being in the moment is the opposite of being in your head, so you should make sure you are in the moment and experience life, instead of being in your head with depressive thoughts.

while Moving = You should ACT to fulfill MRHH, not only THINK about it. You cannot act unless you move. So you should move to ensure you actually act on MRHH. I tend to not want change, which means I sometimes end up sitting the same place for a long time. So just moving without giving it any thought on beforehand could be a good idea! Often motivation comes after you have moved, not before.

In brief I use the formula:

P(SMIT-M^2)(MRHH)

This means: "Perform" "Serve Me In The Moment, while Moving" on "1. Money, 2. Relations, 3. House & Health"

whatever you might think of dr. Daniel Amen, he did come up with this useful item, the "one page miracle" -

One-Page Miracle
What Do I Want for My Life?

Name:
Date:

RELATIONSHIPS
Spouse/Lover:
Children:
Extended Family:
Friends:

WORK AND EDUCATION
I want to do:
I want to be:
I want to know:

MONEY (for needs, wants, and security)
Short term:
Long term:

MYSELF
Body:
Mind:
Spirit:
Emotions:

I have what I call conversational scripts and behavior protocols. Executables that are generic but usually individually adaptable.

I am curious to what your behavior protocols are? (-: