What does loneliness feel like?

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When I was a teenager and a young adult I spent most of my time alone and that was how I liked it. I was free to be myself, without the judgement of others. It was when I was with other people, especially at school, that I was reminded of how "abnormal" I was and no one knew why back then but they loved to make me miserable because if it. But I do enjoy one-on-one talking with other people, even though I had to learn to be less one-sided with my conversations. Being alone can be hard when you don't have anyone (offline) to talk to, and most of the time they're not interested in what I have to say, anyhow. I don't know if I feel so much lonely as I do isolated because I live in an area where there isn't a lot to do or people I can really talk to, and most of the time I don't really feel like doing it. Going shopping and eating out are about the only activities I really enjoy outside my home, but of course I can't do them all the time.

My feelings exactly, word by word.

Though it's not really true about you, jk1, because it's the people like you that I appreciate and come to these forums for. Unless I don't count as people who appreciate you...

Exactly -- the feeling of being worthless.

I do appreciate this WP forum, and I've sort of gotten to "know" many of you posters from other threads. At least I want you to know that I really, really value you. You do bring my life some joy.

Last edited by JSBACHlover on 05 Jan 2014, 10:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

Thank you, Moondust, for saying that. I think that's exactly the reason why I come to WP. I actually do recognize you as one of the posters that I can often relate to.

And I agree with JSBACHlover.

Very well said!!

<-- me, stimming with excitement

Imo, loneliness is an emotionally upsetting longing for a felt emotional connection with other humans.

You do not experience this upsetting longing. I wish I did not.

People with Schizoid PD have a total lack of desire for human relationships and interactions.

Humans with Schizoid PD are characterized by at least FOUR of the following criteria:

Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
Consistent preference for solitary activities.
Very few, if any, close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.
Indifference to either praise or criticism.
Little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking into account age).
Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
Indifference to social norms and conventions.
Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.
Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person.

Consider learning about this diagnosis, it may be helpful. Look up ICD-10 and DSM classifications.

Imo, Schizoid's are lucky, as they are totally free of all the BS of the negative emotions related to loneliness.

Be well.

That's a bit extreme. It's like saying blind people are lucky to be saved from all the ugliness in the world around us.

True in a way, but what is a life without almost any desire for friendship with others (nor much general activity)? As I described in my post, I just am more or less content with a life of almost complete solitude and inactivty, and when I try to break out from it my 'autistic mind' makes it hard to impossible to connect with others anyway. What I would describe as my mild autism combined with schizoid pd turns practical life into just existing, most living confined inside my head, sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting to die of old age, which can't be described as much else than a tragedy at age 24. And I'm not even really depressed most of the time, at worst it's just mild negative thoughts nowadays.

To me, loneliness is like boredom.
It's a need to sometimes have someone to relate to.

#1 - Were you really diagnosed with a schizoid PD, and if so, could that have been a misdiagnosis due to your HFA?

#2 - From your post, it is clear that deep down you are NOT schizoid. A true schizoid would not even try to break out of his/her mold to connect to others. Moreover, a schizoid would not even be on a message board like WP.

#3 - From what I hear (ok, this is my educated but fallible opinion) is that you do want friends, but that you also don't want to be hurt. I've been there. When I was your age I had no friends and had no idea of how to even go out to lunch with someone. I just didn't know how. Today I can manage all sorts of social environments. Of course, it taxes me, but it's still ok.

#4 - What I am saying is that I have faith in you that you can learn.

#5 - If you have any questions for any of us on WP, please ask. We are here to help you in any way we can so that you can live a happier life.

My definition of loneliness is this:

Every week you want to hang out with people from your school or workplace. So you ask them if you could hang out with them, and they say "No I'm busy" or "No, my boyfriend/girlfriend won't let me hang out with you". Some others say "I'll think about it" and then never respond back to you. Nobody calls you. You call people and they don't return your calls. At the same time, you see all the other people hanging out together happily. You have this desire for social interaction or company, but you can't even get it at all. It's like you're fighting for a job, but still can't get one. That makes you feel very sad. When you can't get the social interaction or company you want, you feel very sad.

This is what I call loneliness.

Thanks for your reply and concern. "What I would describe as", I could have made more clear that I have not been diagnosed with either (yet at least), for now I can only identify with them because there's so much of it that explains and relates to my life (I will get more professional answers regarding this in not long though). (I think the relating is the most important part after all.) Since my message was specifically about loneliness and to counter another view, it alone probably came across as a bit overly bleak, although it does describe me correctly and how I feel sometimes. Personally I have actually made a lot of progress the last couple years, therapy has helped me overcome much of my anxiety and depression, and for the first time I have gained some limited employment. So I do perhaps for the first time in my life have some optimism for the future, although most of my life and related dysfunctions remains the same.

This is a good question...Some neurotypicals seem to think lonely=alone.
I never really thought about loneliness until I heard this one idiot talk about loneliness sophomore year of college. Ever since then, I've been wondering, "Am I lonely?" It's not a thought/feeling that comes to me like it may to someone else. I think the closest I get to lonely is bored or horny. And the boredom really seems like loneliness when my TV is off and I have no background noise at all. I never really think "I want to go meet people" or something.

Loneliness has led me to places that normal people typically avoid such as porno houses in the basement of gay bookstores in NYC. Those places were dark, steamy and flooded with dark crevices surrounded by video screens showing porn 24 hours a day with guys doing whatever they wanted in the nooks and crannies of the place.

Loneliness has led me to using drugs in unknown homes and motel rooms containing scary-looking gang bangers and other addicts in an effort to simply have some company for the day or night.

Loneliness has led me to washing down 48 sleeping pills with Michelob in a futile attempt to end my continued pain.

Interestingly, I'm older now and live alone but barely feel lonely. I can handle the solitude. I have money in my pocket but don't seek the presence of drugs or addicts to comfort me.

I'm alone but not lonely, probably because I developed Avoidant Personality Disorder along the way. I wouldn't mind some company. It's just that I'm not actively looking for it.

I can relate to this one although I actually can't even ask anyone to hang out with me. So they don't even have to say no or make an excuse.