Being boring...

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Joined: 6 Aug 2012
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16 Jan 2014, 9:50 am

To address the OP and the bolded paragraph well, the poster made an innate assumption that what they're interested in is what they're going to spend their time doing. This is simply not always going to be the case.

What if I have 3 young kids, not in school yet, and I have to spend my day looking after them? Sure I'd probably love my kids (I personally worry that I wouldn't, but that's something else completely), and so I will spend my time cleaning, cooking, playing with them, watching them, etc. Is this my idea of a fun life? No. Is this all parents' ideas of a fun life? No. But they do it anyways and they are probably bored a lot of the time.
Now when they DO have free time, the probably just want to spend it resting or whatever, because they don't have the energy to really get into what interests them. Laying down on the couch and falling asleep while watching whatever channel the TV just happened to be turned to is boring, yet they might do this every day.

What about someone who's depressed, who's got anhedonia, or apathy? They don't know what to do to not be bored. Everything seems boring, and they know that this will carry into social situations as well. "I am a boring person because I have no passions or interests"

What if I simply don't know what I like? What if I don't have the means or resources to pursue my true passions? What if my passions involve, say, taking wildlife photographs, but I don't like camping and sitting in wait for 5 hours a day?

Maybe I've just made the wrong choices throughout my entire life, and as such I can bore myself.

Maybe because of inability to plan things properly, I'm stuck doing more mundane things in my life. Like what if what I really want is to be a researcher but I am too sick to work?

Maybe my own thoughts aren't interesting to myself. Who says my own thoughts must be interesting to myself, huh? Why is that even something that must exist? I exist, but nowhere does that mean I must like my existence...and this is true all the way from my very basic perceptions and thoughts all the way up to higher level things like what I choose to do in my life, or what life I'm forced to live.

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aussiebloke
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16 Jan 2014, 3:56 pm

oh btw it's not attacking people confuse that it's my way of playful teasing .

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bumble
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16 Jan 2014, 4:02 pm

cavernio wrote:

Can you not change your thoughts to something that you do find interesting?

When I get bored I take up a new hobby, if I can't do the hobby I want I do the interests I can, but then I have an almost endless list of things that interest me, so I guess I am lucky.

I am also fortunate enough to live alone so if I am really bored I can dance, sing, read, play piano, star gaze, ponder the true nature of reality, take a relaxing shower without being disturbed, do yoga, watch a Carry on film, watch a shark movie or documentary (I ditched live tv as well as the gaming console...I am tired of the world being hypnotised by them I guess), go out for a walk, take photographs, sort out my budget in a creative way to make it fun/interesting, fantasize, day dream, draw, paint, learn pottery, sit at the computer for a few minutes here and there (hate long pc sessions...computers hypnotise people as well, no one seems to go out side to play anymore

), just be and be nothing at all other than whatever nature intended me to be (meditation) and so on.

I have not found the cure for lonely yet though...

fibonaccispiral777
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16 Jan 2014, 4:50 pm

qawer wrote:

Being boring is a concept invented by NTs who need company, because if they do not get that they get depressed. Claiming someone to be boring is simple peer pressure intended to make that person give up their true nature to fulfill the needs of those NTs.

Solution: don't give a f**k about whether someone thinks you are boring or not.

Sorry but I do not understand how such generalizations can be made about NT's. I personally like being around people and become rather depressed when I do not see people for long amounts of time. It is just within my nature to want to socialize. Well, I do not believe that a 'true nature' really exists since the self is so dependent on not only genetic influences but also the huge amount of cultural conditioning that accompanies being part of a mass society. Also, I am not sure that it is just peer pressure, I think is also about self sacrifice as well. I have no problem talking about their love of horses for an hour and how much they love to ride them and want to hug every horse in the world and keep them all in their house, I have no problem with that at all but when they do not show the slightest inclination into my well being, how I am and what I am perhaps interested in, then yes I will get bored. Not because of peer pressure but because I feel like I am just someone they can just dump information onto.

fibonaccispiral777
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16 Jan 2014, 4:55 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

What if they bore you? Is it fair on you to have to listen to hours of someone talking on and on about their social escapades or laundry for example when you are not allowed to rattle on about what you are passionate about?

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

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16 Jan 2014, 5:06 pm

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

You assume that they don't listen, but in reality one is expected to stand there for hours at a time listening to NT people rattle on and on and on and on and on about their social escapades and who said what to whom and how many social points they got for that and who is doing the laundry on Friday and who is shagging whom and how many social cool points they lose for that and then there is game playing and social dancing and if you even dare to mention sharks (prehistoric or modern), Evgeny Kissin and piano sonatas or palaeolithic nutrition and...WELL! how could you possibly be so boring...

Yet their laundry and the minutia of their private lives are supposed to be music to my ears...

I won't always ask for an encore though.

I still prefer Evgeny myself.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaAkw1QNo18[/youtube]

PN I may well be NT myself, as I don't know if I have an ASD or not. What I do know is that I come away from most social evenings and the conversation I had inflicted on me feeling like my brain is about to start bleeding!

It doesn't inspire me to want to do it again. Evgeny on the other hand inspires me to go play piano...

Last edited by bumble on 16 Jan 2014, 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

fibonaccispiral777
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16 Jan 2014, 5:11 pm

bumble wrote:

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

You assume that they don't listen, but in reality one is expected to stand there for hours at a time listening to them rattle on and on and on and on and on about their social escapades and who said what to whom and how many social points they got for that and who is doing the laundry on Friday and who is shagging whom and how many social cool points they lose for that and then there is game playing and social dancing and if you even dare to mention shark, Evgeny Kissin and piano sonatas or palaeolithic nutrition and...WELL! how could you possibly be so boring...

Yet their laundry and the minute details of their private lives are supposed to be music to my ears...

I still prefer Evgeny.

Yes, true, in which case I would leave. But nevertheless, I have met people that expect me to listen to such various tedious sh***, which I agree is highly boring ( I would much prefer discussing various historical theories of hallucinogenic drugs personally), so they are able to appreciate what I have to say even though they fail to find it interesting. I would leave if the hypothetical situation you pose occurred but then I also believe it to be important to recognize social situations as being highly reciprocal. That is why I often do not understand most aspies who highly dislike small talk. I am utterly happy to speak to someone about their love of turtles and how they want to hug every turtle in the world but only if I feel as if you have some sort of interest in my own internal well being and so forth. Small talk I believe makes quite a psychological difference in relation to the progression a social relationship and forgetting to do it I believe can even have rather drastic effects on a relationship though some may disagree.

fibonaccispiral777
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16 Jan 2014, 5:15 pm

bumble wrote:

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

You assume that they don't listen, but in reality one is expected to stand there for hours at a time listening to them rattle on and on and on and on and on about their social escapades and who said what to whom and how many social points they got for that and who is doing the laundry on Friday and who is shagging whom and how many social cool points they lose for that and then there is game playing and social dancing and if you even dare to mention sharks (prehistoric or modern), Evgeny Kissin and piano sonatas or palaeolithic nutrition and...WELL! how could you possibly be so boring...

Yet their laundry and the minutia of their private lives are supposed to be music to my ears...

I won't always ask for an encore though.

I still prefer Evgeny myself.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaAkw1QNo18[/youtube]

True, though saying 'how many social points they got for that' instantly makes your stance on the issue sound inherently cynical when many people innocently wish to be around people because it brings them social validation, which I do not believe is inherently ominous. When they are doing so to advance their own position and exercise power over another human being, then it becomes slightly more morbid however there is an evolutionary advantage to such behaviour, it is just that we cannot comprehend the mechanisms by which they work. I would leave in that example you gave though. Believe me, I do feel your pain. Not many people are interested in the history of hallucinogenic drugs and Aleister Crowley and Quantum Physics and it can lead to a very lonely existence. The capitalist people creates a society though in which people are massively self obsessed and not willing to learn to listen particularly only spout out information about meaningless bull****

cavernio
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16 Jan 2014, 5:25 pm

Yeah it's just one of those down days I guess. PMS, chocolate crash, middle of winter, my seriously screwed up marriage, my utter failure to be productive, inability to deal with what I can't have. :cry:

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16 Jan 2014, 5:27 pm

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

bumble wrote:

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

I want to hug sharks...but mostly the ones that won't bite my arm off!

I don't do drugs but the history of hallucinogenic drugs sounds interesting. I don't know much about it except hearing about a link between the Salom witch trials and Ergot (a fungi that grows on wheat??? and which is related to LSD???). I did used to be interested in the inquisition, witch hunts and witchcraft trials some years ago. I even had a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum.

I can forget the small talk, but often, when it comes to things like asking how someone is, I kind of assume that if they are having a problem the person will let me know. If they don't I just assume they are doing well without saying anything. The same applies if they have good news. It seems I am supposed to ask though before they will tell me so I try to do it when I can remember to do so. People are strange critters. Just because I don't ask how they are that does not mean I don't care. Maybe to them it does though.

Last edited by bumble on 16 Jan 2014, 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Jan 2014, 5:29 pm

cavernio wrote:

You are in the middle of PMS mode too huh?

I settled for jam doughnuts instead of the chocolate today.

You sound depressed. Depression sucks.

aussiebloke
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16 Jan 2014, 5:52 pm

bumble wrote:

cavernio wrote:

You are in the middle of PMS mode too huh?

I settled for jam doughnuts instead of the chocolate today.

You sound depressed. Depression sucks.

no offense that's not the path you want to take some of the best mood boosting foods I've found include nuts and berries and if you want to be "naughty" dark chocolate with an expresso .

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16 Jan 2014, 5:59 pm

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Quote:

And here you've hit upon one of the biggest reasons why I don't bother trying to connect with people.

No but if you are at least willing to listen to them for a little while, then they equally may feel slightly more justified in hearing about your love of turtles or whatever you are interested in.

You'd think so, but they don't. They just call you boring when you talk about what interests you, and rude when you don't want to listen to them talk about things that bore you.

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16 Jan 2014, 6:07 pm

aussiebloke wrote:

bumble wrote:

cavernio wrote:

You are in the middle of PMS mode too huh?

I settled for jam doughnuts instead of the chocolate today.

You sound depressed. Depression sucks.

no offense that's not the path you want to take some of the best mood boosting foods I've found include nuts and berries and if you want to be "naughty" dark chocolate with an expresso .

No offense taken, you are correct!

cavernio
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16 Jan 2014, 6:10 pm

aussiebloke wrote:

bumble wrote:

cavernio wrote:

You are in the middle of PMS mode too huh?

I settled for jam doughnuts instead of the chocolate today.

You sound depressed. Depression sucks.

no offense that's not the path you want to take some of the best mood boosting foods I've found include nuts and berries and if you want to be "naughty" dark chocolate with an expresso .

I can't do coffee anymore, either something in it gives me an immune system reaction or it's all contaminated with barley.
Too much sugar for me is bad too. Christmas and my mom forcing all these gluten free baked goods for me, as much as I love them, gave me zits and itchiness. (They probably weren't gluten free enough either.)
And the xantham gum gummed my stools. Fun.
I bought some dark chocolate chips yesterday and they made me completely wired, ate half the bag.
I have nuts, but I have to wash them then crack them to eat them. Unshelled nuts aren't usually gluten free.

I need to get my diet back on track. Too many packaged cookies and pizzas.

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Have celiac disease
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cavernio
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16 Jan 2014, 6:10 pm

aussiebloke wrote:

bumble wrote:

cavernio wrote:

You are in the middle of PMS mode too huh?

I settled for jam doughnuts instead of the chocolate today.

You sound depressed. Depression sucks.

no offense that's not the path you want to take some of the best mood boosting foods I've found include nuts and berries and if you want to be "naughty" dark chocolate with an expresso .

_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation

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