Accusations

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No she just told me to fill out forms. For example when I get overly upset or overwhelmed and hit myself on the head she wants me to write down my thoughts and feelings were.

Um they are irrelevant as it could be anything from being upset by an overly crowded supermarket to being upset because of a bad social event or having to deal with too many problems or too many things to do at once or one of my routines being upset too many times or something i rely on or love breaking (i get emotionally attached to some of my things)...

It happens when I am feeling overwhelmed/overloaded that is the key point so anything that results in my feeling that way can potentially result in my becoming upset and possibly hitting my head if the upset is bad enough. It is not thought specific as such so can't really be handled that way because if you do remove one trigger there are a hundred more waiting to happen.

And for the social stuff I was told to fill out a form again stating my thoughts, feelings and actions during a social interaction that goes beyond a surface interaction (I am not sure what she classifies as beyond surface interaction and i didnt' get chance to ask as the appointment was ending and she shuttled me out of the door before I had time to think up the question in response to her comment...slow brain sometimes..) and bring them back to my next appointment.

I got upset and ripped them up though as I can't fill them out with any accuracy and there isn't enough room in the boxes anyway as my thoughts are complex and any linked feelings are complicated, that's if there are feelings linked to those thoughts. It does depend on my frame of mind...If I am in analytical mode I wont' really feel anything as I will be too busy focusing on the analysis side of things. If in an emotional frame of mind then I feel, well, upset I guess, although apparently to other people I come across as angry. This has caused much confusion. I think I lose control of the volume of my voice when in emotional turmoil. I have to try hard not to talk too loudly at the best of times.

I talk to myself which doesn't help and I mentioned this with an add in joke of 'people probably think I am the local crazy lady' (was not being totally serious, was actually trying to add in humour although I expect people do think my talking to myself is strange as I will explain shortly) and she replied with "well that might be on of those thoughts". Um I was um, joking!

The talking to myself serves several functions:

1 it is self soothing when I am upset
2 it helps me process my thoughts or information if I am reading (I do it when I read too sometimes...read outloud to myself)
3 it helps me organise things if i give myself a running commentry
4 it helps me think of what i need to say if practice what I am going to say at an upcoming appointment
5 sometimes i am daydreaming and i get lost in my daydream a bit too intensely lol
6 sometimes I don't mean to say anything. I call it brain, thought, out of mouth syndrome. Brain sometimes plops out stuff I meant to think rather than say!

I don't feel bad about talking to myself, I can quite enjoy it, I just wish people would ask for an explanation rather than jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about me. This is what upsets me.

It wasn't therapist who suggested I might have Aspergers, it was the support worker I used to have who filled out all my disability forms. I have only seen my therapist a few times thus far. I was with the support worker for 2 years.

honestly it sounds like your not benefiting from this CBT really talk to your dr again as you do sound in need of some better help for you problems

Better help in what way?

What I need is a therapist who understands I don't have the social outlets or social know how to carry out the CBT tasks I have been given.

Its hurtful of people to gloat because my attempts to socialise have failed when I tried my best for months on end. And then for people to turn around and tell me I am not trying hard enough or that it's all my fault?

A lot of it is not my doing, I am polite to people, helpful, say please and thank you, am not rude, I just run out of things to say but I am not the only one involved in the conversation, the other person is too and the onus is not all on me, some of it is on them too.

The therapy is harmful to me as I don't have the skills to carry it out.

Sometimes people are just not friendly. For example I find that manipulative people get along better in this world than honest ones. I am an honest one, no one respects honest people and I don't mean honest in the sense of just bluntly saying things without considering how the other person might feel (like goldfish, his post is just rude to be honest and places all the blame on one person which is an unbalanced view of things and is really just a way of pointing the finger and putting someone down..its not a truth, its one persons opinion a person who does not even know me in real life at that), what I mean by honest is not messing people around in terms of lying to them about motives or intentions.

People will often use the world honest as a way of being blunt to the point of being insulting...like goldfish. Making comments that attempt to belittle the person, It's not honesty it is tactic bullies use to put another person down.

I don't believe goldfish has AS for a number of reasons including the fact that he does not understand my difficulties with social interaction.

I am only really interested in hearing from people with AS as their experience is of more interest to me in regards to helping me determine if I am on the spectrum. Someone who does not know if they have it or not or may never have had it after making a self diagnosis is of no benefit to me in determining whether or not I am NT.

Plus no offense to NTs out there but I don't really get along with NT people. Which is why I come here. If i wanted to talk to NTs I'd go to an NT forum.

Yes. I hate it when people accuse me of doing things that I have not done (including thinking or feeling things that I do not feel). I get really pissed off.

Also, I am sorry that you are going though this situation. It sounds like it is really stressing you out.

You answered your own question. You need a therapist who you can work with. You don't trust this therapist or feel understood by this therapist.

I understand that you have certain legal obligations in regard to attending therapy because of disability benefits, but is there any procedure where you can advocate for a change in treatment? Is there any way you can talk to the social worker who told you that you might have AS and see about getting a referral to get diagnosed? Like many people with AS, you are a very accomplished writer but struggle with face-to-face interaction. Perhaps you can present your list of issues in writing to the doctor instead of trying to verbally explain things.

Here are some of the things that are available besides CBT (that have been given to me by my therapist and psychiatrist after I got diagnosed):

Tools to deal with anxiety (other than CBT)
Help with the emotions that come with dealing with chronic misunderstandings and feeling left out
Help understanding when my AS is causing problems in my life
Help understanding social interactions better (what I can do to improve social interactions)
Someone who listens, understands, and cares

I am really starting to make some progress on my issues now that I have the right therapist. Before I was just diagnosed with depression and it never really got any better. I think you can get better treatment, too, if you find a therapist who is a better fit for you.

My advice on how to deal with the potential biochemical nature of your state of mind does not even take extroversion/introversion into consideration, yet you ignore it & dismiss it as "quackery," vs. trying something you've yet to try to see if it does in fact help you.

I already have a diet I like, the paleo diet is just fine on its own.

You assume that I dislike being introverted when in actual fact I dislike societies lack of acceptance of my introversion. I don't really want to spend hours of gossiping, bitching, back stabbing etc (which is essentially what most of the people I have social access to spend their time doing. Something which I find emotionally upsetting as I am not really all that well equipped for that kind of atmosphere. Sure I can say mean things like anyone else but it gives me nightmares afterwards and I really don't need that. I am very tired with all the unnecessary drama that seems to come along with human interactions.

There is only one life with which to enjoy all the things you want to...

I really just want to read my books, learn piano, go hiking, visit the coast, learn to paint and draw and enjoy a few good hours of conversation that is of interest to both of us with a good and trusted friend if i ever find one. A little romance would be nice as well.

I doubt a diet can do any of that for me, unless it can change other people.

PN not saying there are not fascinating, kind, matured, loving, understanding and wonderful people in the world, I am just saying I have not yet had the good fortune to meet them.

I shall take a look around and ask some questions.

Glad you are making progress with things.

But you don't know & you won't know until you try it. Further, I suggested detoxing salicylate acids first & foremost via daily use of an epsom salt lotion/epsom salt foot soaks as well as reducing/eliminating intake of salicylate acids for a while. This helped me tremendously & would be a great first step to take and see if it works for you - especially since it doesn't have to include any dietary changes to begin with, it'll just take longer if you're still ingesting them as you're trying to reduce their built up levels is all.