Nearly 40 and Frightened

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Blimey, it sounds like some of us might benefit from a little housing complex where we live nearby and can offer some kind of understanding support network, but also be able to take in lodgers or lock our own front doors as and when we need it I sense a gap in the market. It's basically what I was looking for, assisted/sheltered living, which can be something like bungalows in a complex, but I've yet to come across anything for autism spectrum needs, it all seems to be over-55s, recovering addicts, in very urban areas etc.

Waterfalls, I'd love someday to be able to give a home to a dog but it won't be a service dog. Not unless they can be trained to take care of bills, do home maintenance, heavy-lifting, drive a car and a few other tasks A substitute for my parents is exactly what I need. In many ways I'm a little kid in an apparently adult body, I get horrifically lonely on my own, but I don't play well with others and have very little resources in terms of coping skills, whether day to day shopping or domestic crisis. My dream home is in the quiet countryside, where I might feel confident and safe to walk that dog, but then you're often without access to a lot of resources in terms of shops, health care. I am aware I am a bloody contrary set of messy issues

Certainly, I've considered shared living but it is not right for me. I do not feel safe or secure at all, living with people I am not emotionally connected to. I don't do sharing personal space very well even with family and the notion of sharing a house or flat, watching someone else go about their separate life under the same roof is massively lonely. I need control over my own space, over who comes into it and what goes on, what noise there is etc. It needs to be *home*, not somewhere I'm sleeping with one eye open, wary of a flatmate and whoever random friends they may bring in without warning.

Zero, I genuinely wish you the best of outcomes with a new job

Hi Elend,

In reply to your message:
I meant that if you are diagnosed with depression, there may be support accessible to you that is not accessible to people who 'only' have autism. And I don't mean medication or therapy, I mean actual practical support. That's the case where I live. Here, there is support for people with Aspergers, but nothing useful for me. The support is mainly socialising groups etc, but the support I need is much more practical - I need help searching for and applying for suitable jobs, and, if my partner were to be gone, I'd need a little help organising life and housekeeping. That's all, but that is NOT available for people with autism. However, there is an organisation here that supports people with mental health problems in finding jobs, and it's very individually tailored. I don't know yet if I'll be accepted, but I have applied. If I had not been diagnosed with depression this would not have been available to me. So, I thought, perhaps it works in a similar way where you live. I'm not saying there IS something available, I just thought it may be worth looking into. The reality of this society is that support for adults with Aspergers is only just being developed, so there's very little available. Support for mental health patients is a lot further developed.

As for being miserable and being depressed: the difference is not at all clear. Bad circumstances can and do lead to depression - just consider that in refugee camps for instance the majority of the refugees is clinically depressed; mainly because of their circumstances.

As for sheltered accommodation, it seems you have looked at those residential parks for over 55s? I may have misunderstood that but well, it's just that there are some who take in people from 45 and over (and you'll be that age before you know it! ;-p).
I don't think they would be at all what you are looking for, because they do not have support, and you usually have to buy a home on there. But they are often in pleasant areas, and near at least one shop (although nowadays you can order all you shopping over internet and have it delivered) and you'd have lots of privacy. So if there really isn't anything else, perhaps you could look into something like that and see if you can get outside support for things like bill paying and sorting other practical things. As for home maintenance - such parks usually DO have a central figure who can help organise repairs etc.

But whatever you'd do, it seems you'll have to be creative.

There is a big difference.

Clinically depressed people are insecure, ego obsessed (spend all day worrying about their self worth which is the opposite end of the spectrum to an arrogant person admiring themselves all day...both are a form of ego obsession but from opposing ends. The only real difference is that the person who is arrogant believes they exceed or live up to their own expectations whereas the depressed person does not feel they live up to theirs and so each judges themselves accordingly. Either way both are ego maniacal) to the point of not being able to enjoy anything without using it as some kind of measure of themselves (god forbid they should just enjoy an activity for the sake of enjoying it), they tend to hate themselves and they don't cheer up even when their situation improves. They also partake in self destructive behaviours and often self medicate with drugs, alcohol and food...leading to further health problems which inevitably leads to them needing even more support and becoming a burden on those around them.

Sorry to sound harsh...but these are my observations from having been around depressed people for my whole life. Eventually you become as miserable as they are but in a different way. You just want to get the hell away from them and their world of irrational beliefs and insanity.

A miserable person will just feel miserable. They don't hate themselves, they are not insecure, they are not obsessed with their self worth, their mood improves if things change, and they won't necessarily rely on self destructive behaviours or self medication. They will also tend to look after their health and general well being.

There is a huge huge huge difference between being miserable or unhappy and being clinically depressed. The two are not even comparable.

Just to add I feel there are some individuals who are actually unhappy and not clinically depressed but whom are misdiagnosed as depressed anyway.

These people tend to be less harsh on themselves and will cheer the hell up when things improve.