Aspie,with good social skills

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I've been wondering that about some Aspies, too.

However...

I do have a lot of friends and a partner. Most of these friends are from ASD groups I joined after finding out about my diagnosis. I also met my partner in one of these groups. Ah, the joys of being a female in a pretty much all-male group. I also like socializing in groups with other Aspies; I feel more in sync socially in these situations. If I don't disclose my diagnosis or the nature of my social life to outsiders, I can tell them I have lots of friends and a partner and they might think I'm very socially capable and one of the "normal kids".

You're kidding right?

If you aren't, then that's just wrong. Just because your brain isn't wired first for social communications, doesn't mean you can't do it at all.

One way for an aspie to develop good social skills is thru reading books and online sources about the dos and don'ts of social interaction and practicing those rules during social interactions with people anywhere. You're not gonna make friends or a get a date quickly when you do this. It's all about practice and time.

That tells my story exactly, as I have picked many, many social skills by watching others, be it in real life or on the TV.

Likewise when I was at school, I also used to sometimes 'play dumb' in order for me not to look like a nerd.

That said though I do find that when I express some of my views (be it in real life or on the net) I can come across a little strange, but sweet.

If one meets me in person you will find (not meaning to brag) that I am a well informed and somewhat charismatic young man who look good for his age (29)

It is totally possible to be an Aspie and have some level of social skills. It just takes a lot of practice and hard work. For some, it's probably not worth it and might ultimately prove impossible. For the those with a strong desire to acquire such skills, such as the OP, it's totally possible.
For my part, I've been told that I'm very well-socialized, at least by autistic standards. This is the result of constant observation and mindfulness on my part. I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30s, but I was definitely cognizant of being different than others around me and always had a hard time fitting in. I learned over time to watch and observe and basically become a student of human behavior.
Eye contact is still a struggle and always will be. Loud and boisterous people, and highly extroverted personalities stress me out and make me uncomfortable. Most people probably think I'm at least a little weird. But I can function in society, I'm married, and I have friends. This is after a lifetime of struggle, including a very difficult childhood and adolescence.
It does get very tiring, though. It's always a relief to be alone, where I can talk to myself, engage in mild stimming, zone out, and generally do all the things that NTs find strange and off-putting.

What's the formula to all this?

Reading about it, practice, learning from experience and other peoples, finding people who have the same interests as you, join groups about your interests, finding people who are open minded and accept you.

If you're a woman, have a fetish, join that dating fetish site, put in a detailed profile about your looks and take it literal, you will get dozens of PMs from guys all over the world and country, including you area, go out and meet them in your area. You will feel cured and very social. This was my experience.

Sometimes I think ASD people can have better social skills than an NT because of their literal thinking. For example, it's not polite to ask anyone if they are pregnant or even joke about them being pregnant. Well NTs ask women anyway if they are pregnant and that is rude and not very good social skills so when an ASD person never asks anyone this question nor joke about anyone being pregnant, who has better social skills now? The ASD person than the NT person.


I still have deficits because the rules sometimes change like for example it's not polite to talk about sex. It's personal and trashy but there are times when it does become acceptable and when others start talking about it, I talk about it but I tend to go too far with it because I don't know where the line is drawn. Its not something you can really teach someone unfortunately so the only thing I can do it not talk about it at all even if it's brought up. That is a good social skill to use in that situation.

The secret is acting. They have learned how to act NT externally but at heart they are still aspie.

Lol! Yep!

That's like saying they aren't able to learn social skills at all. That is the crap parents get told all the time by experts about their special needs kids but they don't lose hope and still try and teach their kids normal skills and they always prove them wrong.

This, except I wasn't diagnosed until a few months ago (I'm 57), and I'm not currently married, although I have been. I learned mimicry at a relatively early age, which helped a lot, even if I didn't know what emotion I was mimicing of the person I was talking to (I even subconsciously mimic people's accents and mannerisms, although I didn't realize it until sometime when I was in my 30s and it was pointed out to me). I still have a really, REALLY hard time in groups (I don't ever know which one to "mirror"), and I still get really stressed out by unknown people and/or social situations, but as long as I mostly stick to one-on-one situations, I do okay.

Totally agree.