Hate getting a haircut - how to make it less traumatic?

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Why is it so important for a five year old to have neat and tidy short hair?

I had long, untidy hair until I was about 6 because I wouldn't let anyone cut my hair and I was not okay with having it brushed or combed through.

My mother just trimmed my hair and did her best with brushing it (basically just to manage tangles) while I slept (she did the same thing with cutting my fingernails, which I also would not let anyone touch)...I know this wouldn't be an option for every parent because not all kids are solid sleepers, but for those who are it's something to consider.

Another suggestion - let him play on the iPad or smartphone while he's getting his hair cut. It could be a good distraction. On haircut day, warn him, and don't let him play his favorite game at all that day until he's in the chair.

Hating the 'buzz' of the clippers isn't universal for Aspies BTW, I quite like the feel of them rattling against my skull... as long as they're wielded by me or someone I trust.

It's kind of like having to work up to diving into the cold swimming pool water. It's a total body experience and I need to work up to it at my own pace. I don't want someone to pressure me or push me.

I don't like the hair stylist bending down my ears in an aggressive or hurried manner. I have previously just told the stylist, I have stiffer than average ears. And that has usually worked. (or maybe I'll tell them in the future, I have sensory issues and processing issues)

My grandmother, who I'm almost sure was on the spectrum, did not like getting water in her ears during the shampooing. Often, the person doing the shampooing did not understand why. My grandmother believed it was unhealthy. That is, she redefined a sensory issue as a health issue, and that's pretty common in my family.

For some people it is a health issue. I have an Aunt that has had lots of problems with her ears and getting water in them is either painful or uncomfortable for her and makes her get ear infections. She even had to have tubes in her ears before.

http://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/ear-infection/tubes-for-ear-infections

My reason for not getting haircuts is because I want long hair but my mother never made me get a haircut. The few times in my life that I got one it was my choice.

Even if the parents are so attached to arbitrary gender norms that they can't stand the idea of having a boy with long hair (that or he refuses brushing and combing) what if they just let it grow to shoulder length and trim it with scissors now and then to keep it around shoulder length? A straight across trim on the bottom of longer hair can be done pretty fast.

Tell your parents from me that they couldn't do this any wronger if they tried. They are creating the traumatic experience. For heaven's sake, they need to do it themselves and integrate it into his play. And most of all let him feel that he is in control of the experience. They've made it hard for themselves because he is fearful now.
I can handle haircuts barely . . . and infrequently. It's a horrible experience no matter how old you are.

Unfortunately not only have they created a fear of barbers/hairdressers, but they have also shown him that they are capable of doing things like this to him. He'll never forget that and his trust of them is probably diminished.

Okay. So I've come up with a compromise position. The little boy is still going to have to get his hair cut. And it will be by a hair dresser.

BUT it will not be at a barber shop. The woman who used to cut my sister's hair when she was little (and my sister had this same problem with hair cuts, she's also autistic) will be doing his hair. She works out of her home, so no big scary barber shop, and it's not a place nor a person that he associates with trauma. I'm going to bring the iPad for him to play on. He'll wear two capes, as my sister suggested, to keep the hair off of him and a little shield on his neck. I was thinking of phrasing the capes as super hero capes to make it more fun (he loves to play pretend). And we won't use the buzzer because his Mom said he hates the sound of it. And I will offer him a treat (a batman lego cup) if he sits still during his haircut. I was also thinking about having him sit in my lap to do it and me squishing him, because he LOVES to be squished and the deep pressure helps him feel calm. Hopefully that will help.

I will warn him as soon as I pick him up from school that he'll be getting a haircut, so he'll have two hours to get used to the idea. How do you guys think would be best to say it? I know he's going to feel betrayed that I'm taking him to get a haircut and I feel terrible about that, but the alternative is worse and this is the best I can negotiate for him.

The hairdresser also suggested phrasing it as a trim and not a hair cut because the word 'cut' makes it sound scary. He also associates that word with trauma. Do you guys think that saying trim instead of cut would help?

His parents honestly think I'm going to fail and we won't get his hair cut. If that happens, guys, it's back to the big scary barbershop for him and getting held down and forced.

PLEASE if you have any advice to help tell me ASAP. I'm taking him tomorrow (Friday) afternoon and I REALLY want this to go well because if it does then his haircuts won't be nearly so traumatic from now on.

You are so kind to try to find a better way to deal with this!

I hope it goes well... Yes I think it could help to tell him you understand he doesn't like getting his hair cut at the barber's, so you found a nice lady who is willing to just do a 'trim', at her own house.

I wonder if it might help if she gives you a little 'trim' first, to demonstrate to him that it doesn't hurt?

You're right about the trust thing. The mother had started going with them to haircuts because he'd started to associate his papa with the haircut. I pray it goes well when I take him (see my previous post), because I would hate to be another person that he associates with trauma and doesn't trust. I'm doing everything I can to make this not bad for him, but only so much is in my power.

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I never did like hair cuts and I still don't. I've let it grow long a few times but I didn't like that, either.
I have two requirements of barbers:
1) Make it quick
2) Make it last a while

I'm more interested in a quick hair cut than a good one.

In your case with the 5 year old all I can say is good for you for trying to work with him to minimize the trauma.
Try different things and see what works.

What is wrong with these people!?!

That aside, you are putting way too much pressure on this experience. He will sense that you want something from him and this will stress him out. I agree that you should give him warning.

And I really don't understand the fixation with professional hair cuts. Is it some sort of right-of-passage that is significant in the NT world? Honestly . . . some things I just don't get.



Again, this is not the future of the universe. He will pick up on your anxiety. The best thing you can do is be as stressfree as possible. For a reason that is incomprehensible to me, his parents think this is a good idea and you are caught in the middle. Sometimes the best you can do is make it as least painful as possible.

I suggest: respecting his feelings and his fear. Don't tell him it will be fine, because it won't. Some things are unpleasant and they always will be. The trick is to learn to tolerate them.

I think that you have a good plan! I also agree that he will pick up on any tension. So, sing, dance, laugh, play his favorite games and try to set him at ease. I think it's awesome that you're working so hard to figure this out! I hope you can inspire his parents to be more open to being patient and accepting their son for who he is.

My mom uses clippers on me, but that's my mom. Big difference.
Though that snap/click sound they make when they are turned on always makes me cringe.
Im not exactly good at keeping my hair combed so having a buzz cut works best.

Amazing... the family's solution is the worst possible solution. The best solution is to tell the child, "No more haircuts until you ask for one."

Unless your plan works I think they have pretty much guaranteed that when their kid grows up they will let their hair grow long as it will be firmly established in their mind that haircuts are horrible experiences that they will stop doing the moment it is their choice.

I don't remember ever having my mother have me held down and forced like that as a child, not even for medical procedures that I refused. The only time I ever remember being restrained was the first day my mother had to leave me behind in kindergarten to keep me there.

I didn't have my first haircut until I was 10 and it was my choice.

I don't understand why people want to follow social norms so badly that they will traumatize their child for it. Who cares if his hair gets a little long? I remember when I was in school there were these two boys who I didn't really know because they were younger than me but I saw them around now and then whose mother looked like a hippie and they both had such beautiful shoulder length or longer thick naturally curly hair.